After Kristen Stewart cheating, how should Robert Pattinson re-brand himself?

Someone should make this film.

In the narrative arc of any romantic comedy, Robert Pattinson’s life right now would be entering the beginning of its second act: Left broken and alone because of infidelity, our hero strives to grow stronger and re-invent himself.

So, after Netflixing “Bridget Jones,” how should Robert Pattinson re-invent himself? We’ve got some ideas:

A new nickname: “R-Patz” is so 2008. He needs something younger and fresher. We suggest “Bobby B,” preferably said while pointing to himself with two thumbs.

New friends: You know the drill. When you break up with a long-term SO, your friend options are cut basically in half. So, who should he start partying with? We suggest burying the hatchet with Andrew Garfield, and hanging with him and Emma Stone. If there’s one thing we know about couples, it’s that they love helping their single friends through a break-up. (Love it too much, in fact!)

A new career path: Pattinson didn’t want to be Edward Cullen forever, but now it’s a sure bet he wants to sever his ties to the franchise completely. So no “50 Shades of Grey” follow-up, and no string of forgettable indie movies: It’s time to put “Twilight” firmly in the rearview mirror, and you know what that means?

Time to put on the tights.

A tentpole superhero franchise would be the single-best thing for Pattinson’s post-vampire career. After the genre explosion of the past few years, who’s left? We looked at this handy list, and came to one conclusion. Robert Pattinson needs to play Aquaman.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Mayor announces public housing improvements

Mayor Bill de Blasio spoke at the Lincoln Houses in East Harlem on Wednesday, calling for the scaffolding to come down at NYCHA complexes across…

National

Peter Theo Curtis: American released by Syrian militants…

An American writer freed this week from two years in the captivity of insurgents in Syria spoke briefly outside his family's Cambridge home Wednesday of…

Local

Bratton defends 'broken windows' work as NYPD support…

Sixty percent of those polled said they support the "broken windows" theory approach popularized by Commissioner Bratton since his first term in the 1990s.

Local

Transit changes for Labor Day weekend

The MTA is adding additional service Friday for New Yorkers getting out of the city for the long weekend. On Friday, Aug. 29, 27 additional…

Going Out

Things to do this week in NYC, Aug.…

MUSIC The Electric Zoo Festival Aug. 29-31, 1 p.m. Randall’s Island Park $99-$369, www.electriczoofestival.com The electronic music celebration returns for a fifth year, with 150,000 attendees…

Going Out

5 things to do this weekend in NYC

The Electric Zoo Festival Aug. 29-31, 1 p.m. Randall’s Island Park $99-$369, www.electriczoofestival.com The electronic music celebration returns for a fifth year, with 150,000 attendees expected. David Guetta,…

Television

'Full House' might be relaunched with some of…

A new "Full House" might be in the works.

Movies

Review: 'The Congress' is a crazy, unwieldy sci-fi…

Robin Wright is the center of gravity in "The Congress," which turns from a live-action Hollywood satire into an animated spectacular on a downer future.

NFL

Mario Manningham on the bubble as Giants play…

Former Super Bowl hero Mario Manningham hopes his second go-around with Big Blue doesn’t end with Saturday’s final cut day.

NFL

Source: Stephen Hill 'faces a battle' to make…

A team source says Stephen Hill, who has battled injuries and poor performances during his first two years, is no lock to make the Jets’ final roster.

Sports

Serena Williams leaving legacy of talented American women…

It seems only a matter of when, not if, Serena Williams will win her 18th career grand slam championship.

College

When are 2014 college football playoffs? (Schedule, date,…

When and where are 2014 college football playoffs? A look at the schedule, date, TV, time for the semi-finals at championship game.

Food

Recipe: Samuel Adams beer-marinated grilled shrimp

Summer calls for two things: a cold beer and light food. Sam Adams' Latitude 48 IPA fairly bursts with citrus notes, making it an ideal marinade…

Wellbeing

Heart trumps brain when it comes to movies…

When you need a good cry, do you reach for the movie that’s “based on a true story”? Science says you’re giving your brain far…

Sex

The 10 types of people you meet online

Does it ever seem like online dating profiles tend to get a little repetitive? It turns out you are not the only one to have…

Home

Labor Day essentials

Whether you’re soaking up the sun on the beach or barbecuing in the park here are some must-haves for your end-of-summer bash.