Rewriting Barbara Walters' '10 Most Fascinating People'

Barbara Walters' list of '10 Most Fascinating People of 2011' has arrived, and while many of us might be less than impressed by her choices, that says less about the 'fascinating people' themselves and more about our 'reality' obsessed culture as a whole. Perhaps what's more sad than this list of 'fascinating' people is the notion that America probably actually is fascinated by the 10 individuals Babs chose.

The full list consists of The Kardashians, Simon Cowell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet, Derek Jeter, Donald Trump, Katy Perry and Pippa Middleton.

Even Walters herself admitted that her decision to include the Kardashians over other public figures was "controversial."

"You don't really act. You don't sing. You don't dance," Walters began. "You don't have any -- forgive me -- any talent."

Kim spoke up, defending her family's right to fame.

Having talent is overrated, she said: "It's more of a challenge for you to go on a reality show and get people to fall in love with you for being you."

Ugh. Perhaps we can propose a counter list of 2011's 10 Least Influential People -- For Good and For Ill:

1. Charlie Sheen

After quite a ruckus at the start of 2011 for his shenanigans and bizarre behavior, Sheen is no longer "WINNING". (Unless you consider making it onto this list of Least Influential People winning, but you shouldn't!)

2. Harold Camping

Otherwise known as the "Doomsday Prophet of 2011" Camping predicted that on May 21, 2011, Christ would return to Earth, the righteous would fly up to heaven and that five months of fire, brimstone and plagues would follow. On May 21st, if you don't remember, that turned out to not happen.
 
3. Whitney Cummings

While many of us can appreciate a TV show that''s "so bad it's good" Cummings' self-titled sitcom is the kind of show that's just so-bad-it-just-hangs-there-lifeless-and-boring.

4. Nicole Scherzinger

While moonlighting as a reality show judge has reinvigorated the careers of stars such as Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler, that is not the case with Nicole Scherzinger, the most generic woman in television.

5. Danielle Staub

Staub may be the only celebrity whos career has been hurt, not helped, by a celebrity sex tape. The former "Real Housewives of New Jersey" star has disappeared from the media since her rude video got out. Where has she gone?

6. Mariah Yeater

The California woman got 15 minutes in the spotlight for falsely claiming that pop star Justin Bieber impregnated her, which probably was what she wanted all along.

7. Jeff Ashton

Florida DA Jeff Ashton not only failed to get Casey Anthony convicted, he also also plans to write a book about losing the case. Way to cash in your self-respect.

8. Hosni Mubarak

2011 was the year of fallen Middle Eastern dictatorships, and Mubarak really set the bar low by falling after only eighteen days of protests. After being Egypt's "president" for thirty years, Mubarak went from standing his ground to "Fine, I'm on my way out" rather quickly.

9. Sean Monagle

Never heard of him? Well, Monagle, along with his engineering classmates, designed a pen that can identify prenatal diseases early, accurately and far more cost-effectively than other methods -- a discovery that could help prevent the combined 6.3 million deaths each year worldwide from pregnancy and childbirth complications. Bet you feel bad right now, don't you?

10. President Barack Obama

Sure, he did order the raid that captured Osama Bin Laden and (technically) ended the war in Iraq among other things, but all everyone wants to talk about is the endless parade of Republican candidates for President. Can't a Prez catch a break?