Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction: This ain’t your childhood story circle

ENTB_Erotic2_0613

“Hermione, sick of studying, rummaged through her bag. There it was. Did she dare? No one was in the Library, not even Madam Prince. Hermione threw caution to the wind for once in her life and pulled out her vibrator. Padma had given it to her as a prank joke on her birthday, but Hermione had put it to good use. She gasped just thinking about her last orgasm.”

If this doesn’t sound like the “Harry Potter” you remember reading (and the “Harry Potter” you let your kids read) that’s because it isn’t.

That’s a line from a piece of Potter-inspired erotic fan fiction we found on the Internet titled “Dirty, Erotic, Smutty Sex in the Library.” For the uninitiated, fan fiction is a term for a subset of fictional stories based upon about characters or settings of an existing work, written by fans of the original work, rather than by creator. And erotic fan fiction, well, you get the idea.

Not limited to children’s fantasy novels (though that makes the fan fiction all the creepier, which is often the point) fan fiction and erotic fan fiction can be written about a wide variety of genres including television, movies, comics, and more. If you can imagine it, and you can smut it up, then you can write it.

The thing is, though, that while we’re sure a fair amount of this particular type of literature is penned by pasty, 50-year-old virgins, typing sweatily and furiously in their parents basements at 3 a.m., fan fiction can also be mined for comedic gold. That’s the idea behind comedian Bryan Murphy’s Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction, a monthly comedy show (soon to be made into a podcast) he’s hosted for the past two-odd years at the Nerdist Theatre in San Francisco. The premise: eight comics write — and read aloud — short pieces of erotic fan fiction based either upon their own fancy or audience suggestions. The audience decides who has written the most titillating — or just plain absurd — story by a show of applause. We asked Murphy a few burning questions that sprang to mind when we found out that his show was stopping in town at the Davis Square Theatre next week.

How did you come up with the idea for this show?

I used to do a Valentine’s Day comedy show in Seattle, and a few weeks before I saw my friend Travis Vogt (a great comic/filmmaker) read a piece of ‘Cars’ erotic fan fiction at a show. It was hilarious — and it bombed. It occurred to me that Valentine’s Day would be a perfect time for a bunch of comics to write erotic fan fiction, so I made everyone performing on that show bring a piece and we had a competition. It was by far the most popular thing that night, and a month later I spun it off into its own show.

Tell me how it works.

Five comics bring pieces they have written in advance, based upon any subject they choose. Five other comics get audience suggestions for a topic, and have to write backstage while the first five read their pieces.

Do you write erotic fan fiction yourself?
For this show, yes, but it wasn’t something I was into before, because that would be pathetic.

Was the first show super awkward?
No, not at all. The (small) crowd who came out knew what they were in for, and it was great. There are times now when I get audience members who may not know what they’re in for, because I bring the show to comedy clubs. Comedy club crowds sometimes just show up for “comedy”, and don’t know that what they are going to get is the cast of Green Acres getting sodomized by Petticoat Junction.

What’s the best story you’ve heard or read so far?
It’s a three-way tie: Kyle Kinane doing “Rent: The Musical,” Ian Karmel doing “Criss Angel: Mindfreak,” and Ben Roy doing “Life Goes On.”

What about the worst, weirdest, or most uncomfortable?
Same three answers. The worst/most uncomfortable fan fiction IS the best fan fiction!

What makes a really great piece of fan fiction?
1. Know your subject really well or not at all (either extreme is hilarious).
2. Get to the f—cking
3. Make it tight. Very few people can keep it up for more than a few minutes.

If you could read a piece of erotic fan fiction about anything in the world, what would it be?
What do you mean could? I can! I may be the only person with such an option (and a regular audience who will listen). But it changes constantly. Lately, it’s “Girls.”

If you go

June 17, 8 p.m.
Davis Square Theatre
255 Elm St., Somerville
$10, 617-684-5335



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

FDNY debuts new fire simulator for blazes at…

The New York City Fire Department christened its newest, state-of-the-art, custom-built simulator at its training academy on Randall's Island Tuesday.

Local

Bronx cop saves baby who stopped breathing

A Bronx police officer is credited with saving the life of a 2-month-old baby who stopped breathing Tuesday morning. Police Officer Johnny Castillo, 38, was…

Local

Brewer celebrates Women's Equality Day with voter pledge

Manhattan Borough President Gale Brewer celebrated Women’s Equality Day Tuesday by pledging to register at least five women voters before the Oct. 10 deadline. Brewer…

Local

NYPD looking for lewd D train rider

The NYPD is enlisting the public’s help to find a man they say performed a lewd act on the D train Saturday evening. The incident…

Television

'Pretty Little Liars' recap: Season 5, Episode 12,…

If you've wondered whether Ali and Bethany knew each other, you got an answer tonight: Yes, and in a very tangled way. But many lingering…

Entertainment

Cymbals Eat Guitars Have Everything to 'LOSE'

At its most basic level, a rock band can be thought of as a family, a group of people selflessly devoted to a cause. When…

Entertainment

"Bachelor in Paradise" recap: Episode 4, 'Week Four'

Some things are hard to watch in a “Human Centipede” sort of way. Other things in an “American History X” sort of way. Does “Bachelor…

Movies

Fall Movie Preview: 10 films to see this…

Despite being awards season, the next four months bring a glut of remakes, rehashes and sequels. Here are 10 that should be better worth your time.

College

When are 2014 college football playoffs? (Schedule, date,…

When and where are 2014 college football playoffs? A look at the schedule, date, TV, time for the semi-finals at championship game.

NFL

Dimitri Patterson suspended only for rest of preseason…

Dimitri Patterson ended up getting just a slap on the wrist.

Sports

Eugenie Bouchard excited for 'rowdy' fans at US…

Eugenie Bouchard is sure to endear herself to New York's tennis faithful as she tries to win her first grand slam title across the next two weeks.

MLB

MLB Power Rankings: Angels and A's still at…

MLB Power Rankings: Angels and A's still at top, Nationals climb

Wellbeing

Who is having the most orgasms?

  Single lesbians report having orgasms more often than heterosexual women but both gay and straight men still come out on top of the climax…

Home

Jonathan Adler shares his tips for a great…

Jonathan Adler took a break from boogie boarding at his beach house to tell us how to keep that Labor Day party festive.

Travel

Most popular Labor Day weekend destinations

Priceline.com released its Top 20 destinations for the end of summer, including Labor Day weekend. If you’re heading to any of these spots, expect a…

Wellbeing

Working your way to type 2 diabetes: Job…

When it comes to type 2 diabetes, a stressful job can be as risky for your health as a bad diet and no exercise. A…