‘The Slutcracker’ continues to thrill in a sexy-as-ever production

Madonna blasts from the PA system in the Somerville Theatre and, as the lights go down, host Mehran Khaghani announces that this Sunday night performance of “The Slutcracker — a Burlesque” just so happens to be their 75th. This crowd, he observes, “isn’t afraid of Monday morning.” They certainly were not — they were hooting, hollering and taking in plenty of T&A in Babes in Boinkland director Vanessa White’s freakishly fun spin on the classic “Nutcracker.”

If you’ve never been, you’re in for some fun as you watch a grown Clara (Fanny Fawndew) explore her sexuality before committing to a wedding engagement.

In Act I,  Drosselmeyer (UnAmerika’s Sweetheart Karin Web) presents Clara with the Slutcracker Prince (Oliver Tryst), a life-size, pink-sequined vibrator that has come to life.

Soon enough, the audience marvels as Team Bad Xmas Sweater (the “Slutcracker” version of the ballet’s army of mice from the battle scene), led by Clara’s intended husband Fritz (Paolo Mania), battle the Slutcracker Prince for Clara’s heart (and loins). The Prince has a motley army of batteries (Kid Vicious and Joy Ryden), the Slutcracker Bunny (Femme Brulée) and randy old Drosselmeyer supporting him from behind (pun intended). It all ends with an orgasmic bang — the feint of heart might be embarrassed but secretly, or not so secretly, they’ll love it!

Act II includes all kinds of provocative, sexual antics featuring Russian dominatrixes in leather bondage (Ginger Slap, Dinah DeVille, Peaches Dupree); the erotic Dance of the Reed Pole (with Sindy Katrotic); and the always entertaining Polichinelle (this involves a troupe of sexually ambiguous clowns with, well, clownish, sex organs — trust us, you’ll have to see it to understand it). The Gimp (Willly Dumey) plays a bigger comedic role this season as he clears the stage of bras and panties left after each new scene.

If you’re looking for professional technical ballet, head back across the river to the Opera House. But, if you’re feeling frisky, relocate the office party after-party to the Somerville Theatre for a slutastic time. (And pick up some exclusive “Slutcracker” pasties for the grab bag at your next naughty Christmas party!)

Note: This is not a kids’ show. So, if you absolutely cannot find a babysitter just make sure your baby is young enough not to remember and be scarred for life.

If you go

“The Slutcracker — a Burlesque”
Through Dec. 31
Somerville Theater
55 Davis Square, Somerville
$25, 617-625-4088


Mutant worms stay sober, even on alcohol

U.S. researchers have developed "mutant worms" that do not get drunk by alcohol, a breakthrough that could lead to new treatment for people trying to quit drinking


K-9 nose helps capture $150K in cocaine at…

A furry, four-legged security agent helped authorities stop an illegal cocaine shipment from sneaking past JFK customs.


Minnesota man asked to leave Southwest flight after…

A man and his two sons were asked to leave a Southwest Airlines flight after the man sent a tweet complaining about being treated rudely by a gate agent.


Man sues hospital after surprise penis amputation

An Alabama man who went in to a hospital last month for a circumcision awoke after surgery to find his penis had been amputated, his lawyer said on Thursday.


Review: Brett Ratner's big 'Hercules' movie is small…

The latest "Hercules," starring Dwayne Johnson as the half-god beefcake of Greek myth, strips its hero and tale of most of its fantastical elements.


Scientists recreate world's smallest Monet copy

Scientists have reproduced a famous Impressionist painting using nano-printing, to create what has been described as the world's smallest work of art. Reworked at the…


Jerry Seinfeld is ambidextrous, and other Reddit AMA…

See some of the weirder highlights of Jerry Seinfeld's recent Reddit AMA.

Going Out

Grab a pedestrian and start dancing at What…

As a New Yorker, I’ve mastered the art of focusing my gaze straight ahead. Though it occasionally piques my interest, the absurdities that play out…


2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player…

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player rankings

U.S. Soccer

NYCFC announce signing of Frank Lampard

The tease of a big signing Thursday by new MLS side NYCFC ended up being one rumored for weeks. England midfielder Frank Lampard agreed to…


NBA great LeBron James sends 800 cupcake apologies…

By Kim PalmerCLEVELAND (Reuters) - NBA star LeBron James, whose recent return to the Cleveland Cavaliers in his home state of Ohio sparked a frenzy…


Jerry Reese confident with Giants, skipping countdown clocks…

Last year, Giants GM Jerry Reese installed a countdown clock in the locker room to inspire Big Blue to play in their own stadium for Super Bowl XLVIII.


Forget Wi-Fi: Li-Fi could be the future

Li-Fi technology – developed by Mexican company Sisoft – is wireless internet connectivity using specialized LED light.


Weather app Climendo might be the most accurate…

The wait for a truly accurate weather forecast could finally be over thanks to a nifty new app called Climendo.


Napkin Table puts focus off the phone and…

Michael Jan, a design student at Tunghai University in Taiwan, has invented a serviette-picnic blanket hybrid called the Napkin Table.


Essie's new Color Boutique

Essie launches high-tech kiosks at major airports and malls across the country.