How to not be an anxious parent

Chansky

Every mom or dad can (and will!)  beat themselves up over a parenting misstep here and there. But if you’re constantly berating yourself — and your negative thoughts are taking over — you should accept that in life, and especially in parenting, nobody’s perfect. Let Tamar E. Chansky, Ph.D., author of “Freeing Yourself from Anxiety,” teach you how.

Let go of expectations

Whether it’s your expectations for your child that he never pick his nose in public and always get straight A’s, or your expectations for yourself — that your kitchen counters always sparkle and your clothes never have PB and J on them — let them go. Real life has smudges, crumbs and B-minuses. If all of our energy is spent warding these moments off, we’ll be stressed to the max and we’ll miss out on what’s really happening in our lives.

Don’t jump to conclusions
When our children cry at a birthday party or the first day of school, we race ahead to the future and catastrophize that they will always be this way and they’ll never be able to handle these moments. Snap back to the present. Things may be hard now, but trust your children: With your help and acceptance, they will move through these struggles.

Choose your support wisely
If your social network consists of people who compare and contrast their kids and worry about their 5-year-old not getting into Harvard, keep looking! Parenting is hard enough without other parents raising the stakes and your blood pressure. Seek out other parents who share your values and desire for sanity.

Allow your child to struggle (a little)  
We race ahead trying to remove every obstacle for our children, every forgotten lunch box and umbrella. Like us, kids learn best from their mistakes, so let them have them. Resilience is like a muscle: It benefits from practice.

Allow yourself some worry time
Worry is a natural part of life and of love. If your worry is becoming the default mode every day, make it wait for your attention. Schedule five minutes each day when you go into that dark tunnel, and if worry comes at you at other times of the day, tell it that it’s not time yet. When it’s worry time, make two columns in your head (or on paper): Fears on one side, facts on the other. Fear always gets the story wrong — recite the facts of the matter.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Drive charged in fatal hit and run, police…

The NYPD has arrested a man they say is responsible for a fatal hit and run in Manhattan last weekend. Doohee Cho, 33, was hit…

Local

Mayor de Blasio raises minimum wage for some…

Mayor Bill de Blasio signed an executive order Tuesday morning that will raise the minimum wage for workers employed by private companies that receive more…

National

3 myths about the working poor

Linda Tirado works to debunk some common stereotypes about the working poor in her new book, "Hand to Mouth."

Money

Lawsuit funding advances: friend or foe?

Reporter was commissioned to write this in-depth article Many plaintiffs awaiting resolution of their lawsuit or legal claim often find themselves in a tricky financial…

Going Out

Which NYC restaurant lost its three-star Michelin rating?

A record 73 restaurants in New York City collected coveted Michelin stars on Tuesday as a mix of trendy spots and fine-dining stalwarts underscored the…

Entertainment

Interview: Metro chats with filmmaker Meir Kalmanson, man…

A New York filmmaker hands out smiles to its residents.

Television

TV watch list, Tuesday, Sept. 30: 'Selfie,' 'Utopia'…

'Selfie' This modern day take on the "My Fair Lady" story stars John Cho in the Henry Higgins role. Perhaps instead of "the rain in…

Music

Can't-miss weekend events continue to attract the masses

Reporter was commissioned to write this in-depth article Earlier this summer, the Firefly Music Festival drew crowds of tens of thousands of people to Dover, Delaware.…

MLB

Mets 2014 report card

The Mets wrapped up their eight straight season without a playoff appearance last weekend. Needless to say, they fell a bit short of general manager…

NFL

NFL Power Rankings: Cowboys, Packers, Ravens, Chargers climb

NFL Power Rankings: Cowboys, Packers, Ravens, Chargers climb

NFL

Ryan Quigley making a big impact for Jets…

Ryan Quigley, now in his second year as the Jets punter, had an exceptional afternoon with six punts for an average of 51.7 yards per punt.

NFL

3 positives to take from Jets loss to…

The Jets suffered another loss Sunday — 24-17 to the Lions — but the reason why it hurts so much for Jets fans is that…

Style

Products that support breast cancer awareness and research

Asics GT-1000, $100 Asics’ third pink collection in collaboration with Christina Applegate’s Right Action for Women includes this pink-accented version of its best-selling GT-1000 3…

Wellbeing

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Where we stand on breast…

As an oncologist and a survivor herself, Dr. Marisa Weiss knows the urgency felt by those diagnosed with breast cancer. Genetic testing has accelerated the…

Wellbeing

Bees' stingers hold new hope for cancer cure

A promising new lead in the search for a cancer cure has turned up in a place that most people naturally avoid. A team from…

Home

Emily Henderson on small space design

Design expert Emily Henderson shows us how to upgrade our cramped quarters.