Lessons from divorcees

Dana Adam Shapiro penned the divorcee manifesto.

The Dana Adam Shapiro of a few years ago would not have ordered a steak while out on a first date with a vegetarian. But after spending years interviewing divorcees for his new book “You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married” (on sale Sept. 4), the Shapiro who ordered the juicy slab of meat was a changed man.

“That was a very tangible effect of the book,” he admits. “So much of the dating process is theatrical. … You’re sort of auditioning, and when you’re doing so you’re not really being yourself. … The inevitability is that your real self is going to come through, so you better do it sooner rather than later.”

This is just one of the lessons the author took away in the writing of his book. He interviewed dozens of anonymous divorcees who offered unvarnished accounts of their own heartbreak. From there, he extracted a few near-universal truths that he offers to Metro readers:

1. Cheating happens because of complacency: “[Divorce happens when] people aren’t putting that effort in any more,” Shapiro observes. “That’s probably the worst thing you can do. You really do just have to re-earn it all the time.”

2. We often expect problems to solve themselves: “One woman said to me, ‘A man marries a woman hoping that she won’t change and a woman marries a man hoping he will change and he doesn’t,’” Shapiro says. “We bury a lot of the problems in the hopes that they’ll just get better.”

3. There is such a thing as compromising too much: “I think a lot of people try to be the ideal spouse, but sometimes it’s at their own expense,” he adds. “You wake up 10 years later thinking, ‘I’m not me anymore.’”


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
International

'Barack Obama cheats on Michelle' claims Japanese politician…

A senior Japanese politician has marred Barack Obama's official visit to Tokyo with bizarre claims that the President cheats on his wife Michelle. Kazuyuki Hamada,…

International

British Royal family devastated by freak NY death…

The British royals have been left devastated by the death of Mark Shand, younger brother of Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, after a freak fall in…

Local

VIDEO: Police seek suspect in molotov cocktail attack…

Police released surveillance video on Wednesday in hopes of tracking down a man who threw a molotov cocktail inside a Brooklyn corner store.

Local

City Council budget asks for 1,000 additional NYPD…

Speaker Melissa Mark-Viverito unveiled the City Council's budget priorities on Wednesday, including the extra cops for the NYPD at a cost of $94.3 million.

Television

‘Survivor: Cagayan’ recap: Episode 9

It was only an hour-long episode, but there's a lot to cover this week. The drama of Survivor strikes again as the identity of the…

Television

TV watch list, Wednesday, April 23: 'Suburgatory,' 'Modern…

'Suburgatory' The men of "Suburgatory" go camping and Tessa mentors a social outcast in a Miss Chatswin contest, which brings her, once again, into conflict…

The Word

The best lines from Oprah's ex-stepmother's Daily Mail…

Oprah’s ex-stepmother, Barbara Winfrey, is out for revenge.

Books

A debut novel about fate, love and moving…

Pia Padukone talks about her debut novel, "Where Earth Meets Water."

NFL

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April 24…

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April 24 version

NFL

Giants 2014 regular season schedule

The Giants will play five prime-time games — against the Lions, Redskins, Eagles, Colts and Cowboys.

MLB

Jets 2014 regular season schedule

The Jets will play three prime-time games — against the Bears, Patriots and Dolphins — as well as a CBS national game in Week 2 at Green Bay.

NBA

Phil Jackson talked to Steve Kerr, pushes for…

Knicks president Phil Jackson spoke to the media for the first time since firing head coach Mike Woodson on Monday.

Style

Pippa Middleton's Etsy pick: Golden Thread Jewelry

Get a look at the jewelry Pippa Middleton loves and find out how you can buy it too.

Parenting

What every parent needs to know to get…

Mom and author of "Small Talk," Tracey Blake, shares her five practical tips to help you develop your children's language skills.

Sex

Subway crush: Meet your soulmate on your commute

Read about a couple who has been 40 years after meeting on the train.

Tech

Happy birthday, Game Boy! The handheld console turns…

Nintendo's Game Boy turns 25 this week. To commemorate, we look at some of its better games, like "Tetris" and "The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening."