‘Scandal’ recap: Season 3, Episode 7, ‘Everything’s Coming Up Mellie’

The computer is the only one I trust. Credit: ABC
The computer is the only one I trust.
Credit: ABC

Shh…shh, it’s OK. It’s just television. It’s just a show!

OH MY GOD, EVERYONE IS HORRIBLE.

The previews suggested tonight’s episode would be all about First Lady Mellie Grant (Bellamy Young): her background and motivations, what she went through to get here, where she finds her strength. The only problem is that Mellie is a selfish, frigid bitch. So, in order to build sympathy for her, the writers had to make everyone around her even nastier. In this week’s “Scandal” recap, we present a rogues gallery.

Fitz’s Dad

Wow. Really, just, wow. We already knew he was a jerk (cruel to his son, cheated on his wife) but last night, Barry Bostwick found himself far from “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” Actually, that’s wrong. The character Jerry Grant might not be anything like Brad Majors, the do-gooder hero Bostwick played in the 1975 film. But Rocky Horror is full of rape. Did that analogy feel abrupt and unearned? Kind of like the plot line?

In a series of flashbacks, we learn that Grant Senior was also involved with Operation Remington (really, at this point, who isn’t). He helped cover up the mission in which his son, now president Fitzgerald Grant (Tony Goldwyn), shot down a commercial jetliner carrying 329 people. Then, drunk, Daddy Grant tells Mellie about the mission in great detail. This is a devastating and thoughtless thing to do, but it’s not as scummy as raping her, which is what he did — totally out of the blue — next.

By morning, Mellie has synthesized the experience into a blackmail scheme, forcing Grant Senior to support his son’s campaign for governor, so Fitz won’t drop out. I would not call this lemonade.

Quinn

Are we sure she passed her bar examination? Last week we learned B613 wants to trap Quinn into joining its secret cadre of CIA assassins. This week, thanks to creepy lollipop-sucking Charlie, they got her. Based on how easy it was, though, superspy Charlie must’ve been bored.

Basically, Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) told the gladiators their new client is her mother, who was killed on the flight Fitz shot down. The team gets to work, discovering that one passenger was taken off the plane by an air marshal right before it took off, and that the only person still alive who saw this happen was the air-traffic controller. Quinn is working with the gang on the case, and also working on Creepy Charlie’s lollipop lips, because she actually thinks he likes her, and not that he is merely a highly trained government operative who has never known a heart as anything other than the fastest way to kill someone. Quinn: You’ve literally seen him use a woman this way before! Why am I yelling at a fictional character!

He takes her on a date, which turns out to be a job — she is still not suspicious — and lets her participate by injecting a guard with a tranquilizer. Surprise! She actually killed the guy, and it’s on tape, so B613 owns her. Surprise! The guard was the former air-traffic controller Pope and Associates sought. OK, that second part actually was a surprise.

Sally

The vice president (Kate Burton) is still planning to backstab Fitz and steal the presidency. She’s asking her husband to stay in the closet (turns out his catting-around is more like bearing-around). And she continues to insult the entire Southeast with that accent.

Fitz

No, he didn’t rape anyone, but he did kill 330 people — 329 on the airplane plus that old woman undergoing chemo.

Cyrus

Seems like giving an important first-lady interview to a different reporter contributed to his journalist husband James getting fired. Also, before he was the White House chief of staff, Cyrus Beene (Jeff Perry) had a really weird beard (I know I made a double entendre on ”bears” earlier, but here I am actually talking about facial hair).

Olivia’s mother

She must’ve done something pretty terrible for her husband to save her life only to lock her in a prison cell for the remainder of it. Oh, right: the passenger removed from the doomed jetliner was Olivia’s mother, Maya Lewis (Khandi Alexander) — she is alive, and in a prison cell somewhere, looking like a vampire.

In all of this madness, you know who is a good person? That bitch Mellie. She hasn’t even told anyone yet that Fitz’s first child is also his sibling!

Episode grade: B-

Next week, presumably, Liv will find out her mom is alive — and the air-traffic controller still had to die.

Follow Jane Borden on Twitter @JaneBorden


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Miley Cyrus hospitalized, cancels Kansas concert, condition unknown,…

Singer Miley Cyrus was hospitalized on Tuesday night after suffering what is believed to be 'a severe allergic reaction' to antibiotics medication. The 21-year-old Bangerz…

News

Explosions in new Boston Marathon bomb panic, 'twisted'…

A fresh Boston Marathon terror alert, which caused Bomb Squad officers to order an evacuation while two controlled explosions were carried out, was today being…

National

Reddit boosts news capabilities in social media turf…

By Jennifer SabaNEW YORK (Reuters) - Reddit, a website with a retro-'90s look and space-alien mascot that tracks everything from online news to celebrity Q&As,…

Local

New York joins accord to strengthen popular vote…

New York State joined a nationwide effort that would gives the state's 29 electoral votes for president to the candidate who wins the national popular vote.

Entertainment

Miley Cyrus hospitalized, cancels Kansas concert, condition unknown,…

Singer Miley Cyrus was hospitalized on Tuesday night after suffering what is believed to be 'a severe allergic reaction' to antibiotics medication. The 21-year-old Bangerz…

Television

'Orphan Black's' Jordan Gavaris talks Felix's Season 2…

Jordan Gavaris plays heroically helpful foster sibling Felix to main clone Sarah on "Orphan Black." We talked to him about what’s ahead for him in…

Going Out

Accomplice Tour: New York (Spoiler Alert)

When I signed up for the Accomplice show tour, I had no idea what I was in for. But every grimy job comes with a great reward.

Television

TV watch list, Tuesday, April 15: 'New Girl,'…

'New Girl' Nick and Jess are hiding their breakup from the other loft residents. And Winston passes the police academy exam! That guy needed some…

NBA

Nets miss chance to clinch No. 5 seed…

Nets head coach Jason Kidd expressed little concern after a 109-98 loss to the Knicks, but others seemed to disagree.

NFL

Jets confident despite Chris Johnson leaving with no…

Jets fans clamored for a playmaker on offense all offseason. It looked like they were going to land that player on Tuesday when Chris Johnson…

NBA

Knicks, Nets rivalry never materialized despite national attention

When the NBA schedule was released, the league anticipated an intense rivalry between the Nets and Knicks with all four games slated for national TV.

NBA

NBA Power Rankings: Are the Spurs frauds? Could…

NBA Power Rankings: Are the Spurs frauds? Could the Mavericks surprise?

Home

Steal home decorating tips from Nattystyle blogger Natalie…

Despite the towering ceilings and enviable exposed brick, it’s easy to see how Natalie Decleve’s apartment could be considered a challenge. Perched above the streets…

Home

How to plant a garden in the city

Small on space but big on gardening? You can still have that welcoming oasis of fresh air with an urban garden. Peter Smith, owner of…

Style

Personalize your massage at a private practice

CityTouch customizes spa treatments to meet client's needs.

Style

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show moving to England

It will still broadcast on CBS this fall.