‘Girls’ recap, Season 3, Episode 1, ‘Females Only’

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It’s taco night at Hannah Horvath’s apartment.
Credit: HBO

The “Girls” are back and just waking up. Hannah is in bed with Adam, Marnie wakes up on her mother’s couch in her Rainbow Brite bedding, Shoshanna fidgets around to get out of a guy’s dormitory bunk bed and Jessa is up bright and early early washing dishes in a kitchen. Adam makes Hannah take her meds.

At Cafe Grumpy, Hannah tries to convince Ray to befriend Shoshanna when Adam enters and sees a familiar face. His ex, Natalia, is sitting at a table with Angie, her hilarious blonde bride friend who said Adam looked like a serial killer last season. Angie jumps into action and berates Adam; she informs him that Natalia is now pregnant. “How does it feel to abandon your son?” she demands. But of course, Natalia is not actually pregnant, and she’s generally calm until she realizes that the frumpy girl standing next to Adam is Hannah. Angie sees Hannah’s outfit and says, “Did you leave in a rush?” Natalia gets hysterical and tells the couple that they deserve to f– like two feral animals and that they’re going to kill their children while Angie smirks and nods vigorously. Ray laughs in the background and calls Angie a feisty shiksa when the two leave without paying for their coffee.

Marnie’s unsympathetic mother is sick of hearing about Charlie and tells her that “he’s just the first of 20 guys who’s going to f– you over.” Marnie insists that she has her life together and that she goes to a grown-up job where people respect her. It turns out that job is at Cafe Grumpy.

Jessa is bored to tears at her rehab center. The rest of the addicts are tearfully sharing their stories and Mindy, played by Kim Gordon, has no tolerance for Jessa, who calls her “meth face.” Jessa informs everyone that she had everything figured out by the time she was five and chews everyone out. She says Mindy loves scrunchies, and when Mindy says she’s never even worn one, Jessa hisses that she’s secretly always wanted to. Jessa has to meet with the director later, wearing a “females only” sign because presumably she’s been hitting on the male staffers, and she explains to the director that she’s only there because her grandma will pay for a plane ticket and rent and a pair of Uggs if she finishes 60 days there. We know that’s a lie because Jessa would never wear Uggs.

Hannah meets her publisher, David, at a combination candy store-cafe and it turns out he’s very happy with her e-book so far. He especially loved reading about the time she jerked a kidney stone out of a guy. “I’m going to work you on this all night,” he says right before he bites into his mug. The mug is chocolate!

At her therapist’s, Hannah reveals that it can be somewhat stressful that Adam isn’t able to contribute financially as much as she’d like; he just puts in the money he gets from selling papier mache items and whatever his grandmother sends him. There’s a tense moment when the therapist tries to find out what Adam makes out of papier mache and Hannah doesn’t want to tell him because she only wants to talk about herself.

Taystee from “Orange is the New Black,” or on this show, Laura, tells her story of getting molested as a child and says that’s why she huffs lighter fluid. Jessa scoffs and calls her whiny, and everyone else complains that Jessa is exploiting the generosity of the group and that she never has anything to contribute. Jessa decides to share something: She tells everyone she thinks Laura is a lesbian because she wears a vest. Laura throws her coffee on Jessa and people refuse to give Jessa napkins.

In bed, Hannah plans out what she’ll feed her friends at dinner the next night: four tacos per person plus a big tub of ice cream. Adam tells her he really doesn’t want to see her friends.

Jessa bonds with the one other Brit at her center over cigarettes. He’s a brooding, middle-aged man with a daughter her age and he tells Jessa it’s clear she has daddy issues. Jessa goes to Laura’s room to apologize and Laura admits she is a lesbian: She just doesn’t want people to know because she’s afraid they’ll make her place sports.

Adam actually is looking very much like a serial killer at dinner as Shoshanna discusses her convoluted plan to alternate social nights with academically-focused nights so she can be a cool girl who runs the world. Marnie, who’s still a mess, tells her to avoid love and starts to cry at dinner when she finds out Adam bumped into Charlie. Hannah throws chips onto everyone’s plates to defuse the tension and Marnie moans about how she doesn’t understand why he left her when they were supposed to make grilled pizzas that day. Marnie bites into her taco and spits it out immediately. Adam tells Marnie a moving account about a girl from Colombia who attended Columbia and broke his heart before he realized he didn’t really know her at all. He tells Marnie one day she’ll meet someone who really knows her.

Jessa is performing oral on Laura when a few men from rehab walk in, watch for a while then yell that they”re going to report her and run away. She’s sent to the director’s office and tells the director that she was just doing some charity work. She gets kicked out of rehab.

Hannah tells Adam she’s proud of him for being so sweet to Marnie and that she’s glad they really “know” each other. He responds, “I really don’t want to see your friends for like, three months.” Hannah’s phone rings and it’s Jessa, who has been M.I.A. this whole time in Hannah’s life: She wants Hannah to come pick her up.

Follow Andrea Park on Twitter: @andreapark


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