‘Pretty Little Liars’ recap: Season 5, Episode 2, ‘Whirly Girlie’

The stars of "Pretty Little Liars". Credit: ABC FAMILY/Eric McCandless
The stars of “Pretty Little Liars”. Credit: ABC FAMILY/Eric McCandless

For every question it answers, “Pretty Little Liars” asks another — it’s like if “Lost” happened in a high school and starred 25-year-olds. To keep you up-to-date on what we do and don’t know, here’s a recap by way of questions and answers.

Question: what rock album cover do the Liars resemble while walking across the street to the Rosewood police station?
Answer: Abbey Road.

After taking the bus back from New York, the girls convince Alison DiLaurentis (Sasha Pieterse) to come clean to the cops. But, once inside, she lies instead, saying she’d been kidnapped and held hostage for the last two years.
Answer: later, she explains why, revealing to the girls the anonymous text she received, “The truth will bury you in a NY minute.” Someone knows what happened in New York, so Ali had to protect Aria.
Answer: Mona sent the text. Toward the end of the episode, she follows Alison to Alison’s mausoleum (answer: because everyone wants to go to her own funeral). Ali tells Mona they need each other. Mona says she sent the text, and also, “You’re going to wish you stayed dead.”

Question: Is Aria Montgomery (Lucy Hale) straight up freaking out?
Answer: Yes. She killed Shauna/”A” — and, like, Aria totally doesn’t kill people, like at all. Knowing it was self-defense isn’t helping her conscience. Instead of hearing the beating of a tell-tale heart, she hears violin music: first, outside of her window, and then on her MP3 player.

Answer: Aria’s little brother, Mike, apologizes for borrowing her MP3 player for his social studies project. So maybe he is the source of all the music, but Aria and I are not convinced.

Question: Did Mike suddenly get hot since last season?
Answer: I remember that happened to my friend John, the summer after middle school. We never called him Pooh Bear again.
Answer part 2: The actor, Cody Christian, is 19, so you can stop feeling ashamed.

Question: What did Melissa bring home?
Answer: According to her mother, “All Melissa brought back from London was attitude…and secrets.”
Question: Did Mrs. Hastings turn and deliver those last two words somberly?
Answer: Duh. Except, wait. Toby tells Spencer Hastings (Troian Bellisario) and Mrs. Hastings that he popped by her flat, but Wren answered the door, and said she no longer lived in the city.

Question: “Why would you be squeegeeing your backseat if your sister just got back from the dead?” Spencer asks Emily Fields (Shay Mitchell).
Answer: Because he was cleaning out garbage from a visit to New York’s famous Boyajian Bakery, a spot on Bleecker Street that sells “pasteries”.

It doesn’t take Emily and Spencer long to connect the dots and accuse Jason of being involved with Allison’s disappearance: that’s who his mother was protecting, that’s why he’s telling the girls to butt out of his family’s business, that’s why he’s watching his sister sleep (well, either that, or maybe the cherry bomb was thrown into the wrong garage).

Question: Are the writers setting us up to believe Jason was Alison’s attacker?
Answer: In that case, he wasn’t.

Question: Was Mrs. D in on something?
Answer: Hanna Marin (Ashley Benson) finds an unsent email from the day she disappeared reading only, “I can’t protect you anymore.”

Question: Did Hanna wet her pants?
Answer: Unclear. After she delivers Mrs. D’s emails to Mr. D, Jason bangs on her window, tells her off for getting involved, and is generally much scarier than most people who are that attractive. Emily tells Hanna to follow him, but she says, “I can’t follow him. I have to change my underwear.” However, she does tail Jason, and I didn’t see a stain on her ’80s graffiti-style balloon pants.
Question: Was she rocking the pants?
Answer: Yes.

Question: Will we see the town drunk again?
Answer: My money’s on yes. The girls tail Jason to a nondescript apartment building. They wonder if Mrs. D is hiding out inside, and approach the door, when they are verbally accosted by an old drunk who shoos them away like rabbits from a garden. We haven’t seen the last of farmer McGregor — maybe he turns out to be the real father of Jason and Spencer?

What else? Hanna doesn’t know what the Manhattan Project was. Mona got rape whistles for every girl in school, even though she’s technically a stalker. An animal shelter employee arrives with a rescue dog for Mrs. D, and Ali decides to keep it.

Question: Did Ali know it would discover her dead mother’s body buried in the yard?
Answer: No, but didn’t you?

Question: Do the police officers, forensics experts, and remaining criminal investigators mind that several teenagers are wandering through the crime scene?
Answer: Of course not.

Remaining Questions:

• Who killed Mrs. D? (My bet’s on the drunk.)
• Where has Melissa been, if not in London? (Plastic surgery?)
• Who is the dead body they thought was Allison? (I’m guessing the drunk girl who fell down the stairs at the frat party two years ago.)
• If Shana was “A”, what about the army of “A”s on the New York playground? (I told you already: musical-theater actors.)
• Seriously, what’s the deal with the dog? (No way did Mrs. D set an appointment to adopt that thing. Surely, it was delivered as part of a scheme — it probably has a microphone drilled into a fake tooth.)
• Why is it named Pepe? (Some things we leave to God.)
• Remember when Mike was a bratty younger brother? (Don’t answer that.)



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