I broke up with my boyfriend last year and then got involved with my current boyfriend. I don’t have contact with my ex, but I hold a grudge against him and get angry when I think about him. It affects my current relationship because I blame my new guy for issues related to my ex. How can I move on for good?

It’s not surprising that the person with whom you spent three years of your life is still on your mind a year later. He’s someone you likely confided in and shared a life with — someone with whom you thought you had a future. I can only speculate that you moved from one relationship to the next far too quickly. When a relationship ends, time is needed to grieve, reflect and process so that issues don’t go unresolved and spill into the next one. Clearly, this is what’s happening with you.

To get over your ex and find closure, take responsibility for your actions. Ask yourself: “How has my behavior and attitude impacted us? If I could go back and do it again, what would I change about myself?” Now is the time to own up to these things.

As long as you continue to view the relationship through an old lens, you’ll continue to be held hostage by the past. The issue here is one of control: A grudge leads to anger and resentment that energizes you, giving the illusion of control. The grudge may also be a way of holding your ex responsible for the downfall of the relationship. To shake this thinking, ask yourself: “Can I change the situation now? What do I gain by holding a grudge a year later? What will I gain by letting go?”

Finally, pretend you’re packing for a trip and you can only bring essential items. Would you take a healthy, positive attitude and a sense of humor or would you pack anger and resentment? The latter will only weigh you down.  Lighten the load by bringing only what’s beneficial to you and your new relationship.

Jonathan Alpert is a licensed psychotherapist and executive coach. His book, “Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days,” is available now. Email him your questions at jonathan@jonathanalpert.com and follow him on Twitter: @JonathanAlpert.

— Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.

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Sorry to break it to you, but nobody wants to date you if you live off the G train.

According to a report from DNAinfo, New Yorkers around the city are refusing to date their neighbors living off the dreaded G train, citing the train’s poor service as doom for relationships.

“I had to make a rule that was, literally, if you live off the G, you’re not for me,” Bedford-Stuyvesant resident Mutale Nkonde said. “To get to the G is such a monumental hike, it’s two buses plus a long walk.”

Nkonde, who lives off the A and C trains, complained that taking the G always required several transfers and often resulted in getting lost.

The short length of the train is also problematic, especially for women dressed up for a night out.

“The thing about the G is it comes in the middle of platform, so if you’re dressed in high heels you have to run what feels like 7 miles to catch the train,” Nkonde explained.

She also described the Myrtle-Willoughby station as “‘Law and Order’-ish.”

“It looks like a crime scene,” she said.

Christie Walsh recalled her relationship with a man in Greenpoint.

“I always refused to go there,” she said. “After a couple of punishing rides on the G train, I decided I wouldn’t do it.”

Walsh’s beau eventually moved to California.

“The funny thing is, I’d date someone in California, because I’d like to go to California,” Walsh said. “I’d never like to ride the G train.”

An MTA spokesperson reportedly declined to comment.

Follow Danielle Tcholakian on Twitter @danielleiat

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“Before you can get into a relationship, you should be happy by yourself.” We hear that and mistakenly think it literally means “you should be happy being alone.” We assume the wisdom imparted here is to not want relationships, or even to stop looking for one.  But that’s not what this quote means at all.

Being happy by yourself means you need to take responsibility for your own happiness. This is not just semantics. This means recognizing the areas of your life that don’t’ feel fulfilled — if you don’t feel good about yourself, you’re bored with your job or feel disconnected from your friends and family, or aren’t happy with what you’ve accomplished.  These are all issues that only you can solve; a relationship won’t solve them for you.

We grow up with an idealized notion of romantic relationships.  We’re told that when we find the right person, things will be perfect. We believe that any emptiness or discontentment we feel in any aspect of our lives will disappear once we find the right partner. But the Jerry Maguire idea that “you complete me” just isn’t reality. You have to complete yourself.

Yes, relationships can be amazingly distracting.  In the initial phases when the sparks are flying, nothing else seems to matter.  But this is a temporary Band Aid, because as the sparks calm down you’ll be left with the same unresolved issues you had before the relationship started. Even better, you could peg those problems on your partner, or think there’s something wrong with the relationship because you don’t feel so great (hence the advice to make yourself happy before getting involved).

The point is, sooner or later you have to take responsibility for your own life. Whether you’re single, or involved in something serious, you have to take care of yourself. And while it’s easier to blame our lack of happiness on not having someone or having someone that’s not acting the right way, life is rarely that simple. As important as our intimate relationships are, they will not magically fulfill you.

Amber Madison is a Manhattan-based relationship expert and dating coach. She is the author of “Are All Guys Assholes?” You can follow her on Twitter: @ambermadi.

The post Dating: Happiness comes first appeared first on Metro.us.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for eight months and we have a good relationship. The other night, though, I was at a party without him and got drunk and flirted with another woman. One thing led to the next and we had sex. I haven’t told my boyfriend about it and I haven’t talked to the woman again. I know guys think it’s hot to see two women together, but I just don’t know if I should tell him what happened. I feel really guilty and confused. What should I do?

For a moment, imagine your boyfriend is out at a party. He’s getting drunk, starts flirting with another guy, and then one thing leads to the next and he has sex with the guy. Ask yourself: Are you OK with that? Do you consider that cheating? My guess is you’re not OK with it and it violates a trust you’ve established over the past eight months. After that many months of dating, there’s most likely an understanding — spoken or not — of exclusivity. If you’ve participated in such an activity and aren’t comfortable disclosing it to your man, then it’s cheating.

Think about the impact telling will have on him. Although honesty is usually the best policy, if this truly is a one-time experience, then why upset him? Consider dropping the matter and moving on. Do know, though, if he ever asks if you’ve cheated, you’ll have to disclose this indiscretion — because keeping a secret will force you to barricade a part of yourself and interfere with intimacy.

Finally, if this only occurred because of the alcohol, then lay off the booze. But consider the possibility that subconsciously you’ve got same-sex tendencies that came out because your inhibitions were reduced while under the influence.

If you are indeed confused about your sexuality, do yourself and him a favor and end the relationship. Don’t maintain one relationship for stability while exploring other options.

Jonathan Alpert is a licensed psychotherapist. His book, “Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days,” is available now. E-mail him your questions at jonathan@jonathanalpert.com

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If you’re going to be (to use a phrase) “playing the field” when you’re one of the most recognizable athletes in the world, it is probably better to take the Michael Phelps route than the Tiger Woods way.

Phelps is single and doesn’t seem to want to be married anytime soon. He seems to have a new girlfriend every week. Sometimes he even recycles them. The NY Post reported this week that he is back to hanging out with ex-girlfriend Caroline Pal. Just last month, Metro dished on Phelps dating waitress Sarah Herndon (don’t laugh, apparently she can remember orders of up to four without writing it down … she’s that talented). But a month in Phelps’ dating world is a decade for everyone else.

Then there is Tiger. Woods made off-course news last week when it was officially revealed that he was dating famed skier Lindsey Vonn. Just a few days later, he regained his status as the No. 1 golfer in the world (that will ring hollow unless he’s around on Sunday at Augusta in a couple of weeks).

The problem here is that Woods seems ready to climb back into serious relationships. No, Tiger. That doesn’t work for you. You know it. We know it. The Perkins’ waitress knows it.

Good to see Phil Knight is still a scumbag after all these years. We were getting worried there for a minute, Philip.

Follow Metro Boston sports editor and columnist Matt Burke on Twitter: @BurkeMetroBOS

The post Playing the Field: Michael Phelps is better at dating than Tiger Woods appeared first on Metro.us.

We make so many romantic decisions in the name of “not getting hurt,” as if we’re dainty pieces of china that can’t be put back together. God forbid we break a little.  This fear controls us, and we let it push us around.

Some people close themselves off completely, pretending they “don’t need a relationship,” and settle just for sex. Others get involved with people who are bad for them because they’re “safe” — figuring that as terrible as they are, at least they’d never leave. There are also the ones who sabotage potential relationships before they can get off the ground, thinking: “I’m going to hurt you before you get the chance to hurt me.”  And of course, many of us fear putting our feelings on the table because of what could happen  if they are not returned. (We could get hurt! Ahh!)

The problem with living this way is that we’re missing out. No one reaches their full potential living in fear. That’s just as true in romantic relationships as it is in the rest of our lives.

Why is getting hurt romantically so scary? Would it really be the worst thing in the world? Is it actually something worth guarding ourselves against at all costs?

I would argue no — for the simple reason that getting hurt is temporary. Much of our fear of heartbreak is attached to the notion that we’ll never be the same after it happens. We fear that we’ll be in the eating-ice-cream-out-of-the-container-in-pajamas stage indefinitely. But that’s simply not the case. We can’t stay heartbroken forever. After about six months, our bodies snap us out of it and we start to move on. Sure, there may be pangs here and there, but in the end you turn out OK. In that sense, there’s something empowering about getting hurt. It’s a test of our strength, and it lets us know we can  win against our fear.

You’re not the delicate flower you think you are. I’d never wish a broken heart on anyone — but if it happens, know it will heal eventually. It could be rough for a bit, but a few rough months certainly beat a lifetime of unfulfilling relationships.

— Amber Madison is a Manhattan-based relationship expert and dating coach. She is the author of ‘Are All Guys Assholes?’ for which she traveled the country, spoke to over 1,000 men and discovered that the answer to this question is no. You can follow her on Twitter
@ambermadi or online at www.ambermadisononline.com

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author.

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It took a Wilt Chamberlain-esque parade of women for Tiger Woods to figure it all out, but he and we now know that he has a type: white, blonde and athletic.

Woods and women’s downhill skiing champion Lindsey Vonn officially announced what has long been rumored: they are, in fact, dating. Woods announced his relationship status like most famed golfers turned sex fiends always have – on Facebook, at the exact same time as his new flame.

“This season has been great so far and I’m happy with my wins at Torrey and Doral,” Woods wrote. “Something nice that’s happened off the course was meeting Lindsey Vonn. Lindsey and I have been friends for some time, but over the last few months we have become very close and are now dating. We thank you for your support and for respecting our privacy. We want to continue our relationship, privately, as an ordinary couple and continue to compete as athletes.”

Vonn wrote:

“I guess it wasn’t a well-kept secret but yes, I am dating Tiger Woods. Our relationship evolved from a friendship into something moreover these past few months and it has made me very happy. I don’t plan on addressing this further as I would like to keep that part of my life between us, my family and close friends. Thank you for understanding and your continued support! xo LV”

Other than being world-class athletes, we also know that Woods and Vonn have this in common:

The 28-year-old Vonn made headlines just last month when she tore her ACL and MCL in a brutal crash in Austria. Woods tore his ACL in 2008 and hasn’t really been the same since (though that other set-back on Thanksgiving weekend of 2009 may have played a factor as well).

Follow Metro Boston sports editor and columnist Matt Burke on Twitter @BurkeMetroBOS

The post Playing the Field: Tiger Woods has a type, dating Lindsey Vonn appeared first on Metro.us.

The tabloids are speculating about Kris and Bruce Jenner: Are they headed for divorce? If so, then they would each eventually join the legions of people who have had to start over. Dating after a divorce can be challenging, whether you are in the public eye or not. Two simple rules of thumb can help you push forward into new romantic territory.

First, avoid comparing the person you are dating to your ex. While it is tempting to measure them for better or worse against  your former partner, the real goal is to focus on how they make you feel about yourself when you’re with them. Evaluating them based on how you felt about your ex rather than on who they are means  you will wind up either regretting what you lost or angry about what you missed out on all those years.

That will mire you in the negativity of your former marriage — keeping the pain and loss of divorce alive — instead of letting go and moving on with a new flame. Stay focused on building a new relationship and leave your past where it belongs — behind you.

Second, avoid bad-mouthing your ex —  especially to the person you are dating. This is a difficult one, because most people come away from divorce angry about what went wrong and wanting to talk about it. Be mindful about who you vent to: Blaming and criticizing could scare off your new partner. They could wonder what you might say about them if they did something to upset you. There are two sides to every story, so as much as possible try to present a balanced picture when you are speaking about your former marriage.

Whether you are famous or not, when dealing with the aftermath of divorce this old adage can be helpful: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. When you talk negatively, you keep bad feelings alive. When you talk positively, you put them to rest. The ultimate goal is to get on with your new life in a better place for what you gained from your old one.

Keep these rules in mind and you will be equipped to leave the past in its place and move on with your exciting new dating life.

— Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is creator of “Shrink Wrap” – national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships – and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.

The post Dating after divorce: Can you let go of resentment and start anew? appeared first on Metro.us.

Online dating is a reality of the love game, whether you’re just looking around or on a serious quest for a lifelong partner. Sites like OkCupid, Match.com and eHarmony try to make finding someone simple, but they can be disappointing and frustrating. Now, one solution to the e-dating conundrum is gaining traction: consultants. These pros help clients strategize and punch up their profiles to stand out in the competitive world of digitalized courtship.

“Most people are not very good at online dating,” says Evan Marc Katz, dating coach and founder of  the e-dating consulting service eCyrano. “It’s like the gym. You don’t lose weight by signing up for the gym. That’s why people hire personal trainers — to show them how to use the equipment.”

eCyrano rewrites clients’ profiles based on a lengthy questionnaire and detailed phone call. Katz, who dated online for 10 years before meeting his wife offline at a party,  says his team of freelance writers promise profiles that are more authentic than what most users write for themselves.   He contends that the majority of online-dating fumbles involve unrealistic expectations: “Online dating gives people the illusion of choice, not actual choice.”

Then, of course, there are the photos. Companies like New York Image Consultant offer services like a Re-Imaging package, which  includes hairstyling and makeup for photos in a range of outfits and poses, plus Photoshopping, for $1,500. Consultant Amanda Sanders puts it bluntly: “The reality is, they choose your picture over someone else’s because it captures their eye. The text isn’t as important as the visual aspect.” Sanders works with clients who travel to New York for her firm’s services. Like Katz, Sanders asserts that her business vastly improves a client’s chances. As always, though, the face to face date is up to you.

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When Ben Affleck accepted the Oscar for Best Picture, he thanked his wife Jennifer Garner and said that marriage is hard work, but it is the best kind of work. He’s right — it takes great effort to find the balance between each person’s needs and desires. Say football is your thing — it always has been, ever since you were a little kid watching at home with your dad. It’s hard for you to understand why your new partner has no interest in it. You want to go to games together, talk about plays and plan weekends around the tailgate parties. If the answer is “no,” what do you do? Ask for a compromise.

One couple I worked with had a basic problem: She wanted to stick to low-key staples like pizza and hot dogs, while he wanted to wine and dine on fancy, gourmet meals.  The difference in their tastes was a source of constant bickering and resentment in their relationship.

Compromising is key in any relationship, even if — as Ben Affleck pointed out rather awkwardly  — it takes work. In your relationship, you have to find a balance between your own pleasures and the things you love while respecting the things your partner is into, as well.  Is there a way to include your significant other but not force-feed them?

This is where a little bit can really go a long way. You remember when you were a child and your mother wanted you to eat broccoli, right? It looked awful, but you had to have some to appease her, so you took a small bite. With that taste, you showed her you respected her wishes enough to open your mind a little bit.

The same thing holds true in your relationship. Acknowledge to your partner that you understand and accept that football or pizza is not his or her cup of tea. When the playoffs roll around or a special event comes up, say that his or her company is important to you. Be clear that you know it is a sacrifice, but that a small portion — one game, or one slice of pizza — would mean a lot.

Doing this means you can share your passions and interests while respecting your partner’s desires. The key is to encourage them to be open and try to appreciate what it is that you find so fascinating. Who knows, your partner just might like it. Sharing pleasures and being open to each other helps to turn the wheels for more mutual passion. Doesn’t sound like such hard work, does it?

The post Marriage is hard work — even if you’re married appeared first on Metro.us.

The secret is out, ladies: Guys know we talk about their junk. It’s funny, because as a guy reminded me recently, they “don’t go around talking about girls’ vaginas.” If they did, we’d probably call them pigs and think they’re too immature to be getting any in the first place.
It may not be something that’s top-of-mind, or something that guys often complain about out loud, but they too feel objectified and, as a result, insecure about their bodies. Many guys who are short feel disqualified by girls before they even have a chance to prove themselves. A short guy complained to me over the weekend: “It’s not fair. Can’t this — ” [Motions around face] “ — and this — ” [Motions around bulky chest and arms] “ — be enough?”
Other guys worry about being too skinny. As one of my clients confessed, “I’m always worried about girls not being into me because of how skinny I am. I don’t know if they see me as manly.”

On the other end of the spectrum are guys who can (and perhaps have) gained a few pounds. They make great efforts to watch what they eat and count calories, and feel guilty after eating unhealthy. And since they’re guys, often they don’t feel comfortable expressing these concerns.

We may assume that body concerns are “a girl thing.” Maybe because of this we feel justified gossiping about how much heat a guy is packing or not to responding to online dating messages from guys who aren’t “tall enough.” But not only are we hurting guys’ feelings when we do this, we’re limiting our dating pool based on completely shallow criteria — criteria that makes us cringe when the situation is reversed.
If we don’t want guys judging us by the numbers (height, weight, bra size), then we shouldn’t be judging them based on those things either. I’m not suggesting dating someone you’re not attracted to, but I am urging you not to disqualify people based on shallow criteria before taking the time to see whether you could be attracted to them or not.

— Amber Madison is a Manhattan-based relationship expert and dating coach. She is the author of “Are All Guys Assholes?” for which she traveled the country, spoke to over 1,000 men and discovered that the answer is no. You can follow her on Twitter @ambermadi or online at www.ambermadisononline.com

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author.

The post The hookup: In defense of the short, the skinny and the small appeared first on Metro.us.

There are plenty of people out there who are hoping the day of hearts will bring them the gift they want most. It is a day full of wishes, red-wrapped gifts, candy hearts and — whether you like it or not — occasional disappointment.

There is so much expectation wrapped into this one special day because we attach our significant other’s love to the gift they give us. Sometimes, that all-important item you are hoping for just isn’t sitting in the tissue paper when you open the box. So if you don’t get the present you were expecting, or if you don’t like the one you got, what can you do? Most importantly, how can you get through the day feeling better and not worse about the one you love?

This one 24-hour period carries a lot of weight for couples. Some people deal with that pressure by choosing to play it down. Maybe they are a nonconformist, or feel they don’t need a holiday to show their love. If that’s the case, try to talk about it to see where your valentine is coming from so you can better understand it.

If you are given something you don’t like, thank your partner graciously but see if there is the option of taking it back. If there is, explain why you might like something else — what’s in the box is too dressy or too bright — and then invite them along to choose something else. Use it as an opportunity to teach them about your tastes. If there is no chance for a return or exchange, be receptive. If your loved one likes the gift they gave, try to be open to their taste and you might expand your own horizons.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that Valentine’s Day is to express your love, whether or not your partner’s generosity is packaged quite the way you had hoped. No matter what you receive, remember that it’s still carrying love and you will appreciate it more — and so will your Valentine.

Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is creator of “Shrink Wrap” – a nationaly commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships — and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.

The post How to deal with a Valentine’s Day bummer appeared first on Metro.us.

Enter Metro’s Justin Bieber contest, and you’ll have a chance to meet him backstage at a future show!

Alas, we weren’t so lucky. But the superstar did answer some questions about his new album, “Believe Acoustic,” via e-mail, shortly before heading out on his European tour.

Metro: On “Believe Acoustic,” you sound rawer and more available than on previous big production tracks. How do you make that intimacy sound authentic, even though you’re…Justin Bieber?

Bieber: It sounds authentic because it is. Acoustic performances, whether busking in my hometown or on YouTube, are how I got started. Songs and performances like that really give me the chance to connect with my fans. That connection is why I perform an acoustic set as part of my Believe Tour every night.

Does this bring us closer to the “real” Justin?

I think everything I put out is a representation of the real me. But this album (Believe Acoustic) definitely allows the public to see a different side of me than “Believe.” The sound of this album is a lot rawer and more exposed.

I ask because previous stars your age—Timberlake, Britney—usually start to define their sound for an older audience around this time. Where are you going?

I’m just growing up and my sound is maturing with me. I don’t spend a lot of time planning where my music will go next. I just write about what is going on in my life and how I am feeling and it’s causing the music to grow with me in a very organic way.

Lots of guys in dorm rooms everywhere play acoustic guitars to pick up girls…and fail, because they look cheesy. What tips do you have for them?

Be confident.

What are you doing this Valentine’s Day?

I’ve got a small break before my UK tour dates start so I’m still figuring it out.

What’s the wildest offer that you’ve had from a female fan?

I get a lot of marriage proposals.

We have to ask about “Nothing Like Us,” a song about your break –up with Selena Gomez—you told Billboard you’re not in the happiest place and have friends to get you through. What have you learned about relationships?

I have learned a lot about who I am and who I want to be.

And?

I’ve also learned how to be there for someone else.

The post Justin Bieber on ‘Believe Acoustic’ and getting ‘a lot of marriage proposals’ appeared first on Metro.us.

Valentine’s Day is just two days away and the hunt to find a date continues.

It’s a known fact that women outnumber men in the power centers of the Northeast: New York, Boston and Washington D.C. Real estate website Trulia backs up the facts.

In New York City, women outnumber men 1.07 to 1, according to census data. This ratio makes dating, well, feel like you’ve been thrown in the middle of a boxing ring. You have to be prepared to take some punches.

Real estate website Trulia is helping NYC singles by providing data on where other singles live. That’s what we’ve been doing wrong, readers – we’ve been spending time in the wrong neighborhoods.

Trulia looked at the ratio of single men and women across New York City. They subtracted estimates of the gay and lesbian population for this report.

So where can a single lady pick up a single dude? Ladies, you have to go downtown. Take a cab south of 14th Street, because that’s where you’ll meet single men. If downtown Manhattan isn’t your scene, hop on over to parts of Queens, including Long Island City. These areas have more men living alone that women living along.

As for where men can find single ladies, that’s uptown. It seems like Billy Joel was on to something with his song “Uptown Girls,” in which he described a downtown guy vying for an uptown girl’s affection.

On the Upper East Side, in particular the ZIP code 10021, which covers most of the East 70′s, has almost two women living alone for every man who lives alone, according to Trulia.

Happy dating, readers.

 Follow Mary Ann Georgantopoulos on Twitter @marygeorgant

The post Dating in the city: The NYC neighborhoods with the most singles appeared first on Metro.us.

Can’t find a date for Valentine’s Day?

You can bid on one at WhatsYourPrice.com – and you wouldn’t be alone: New Yorkers have been bidding the most to get a date for Thursday.

“Put your money where your mouth is and bid on a chance to fall in love with smart, sexy people, today!” the site promises.

The dating website, where users can bid on dates, reported today that nearly 28,000 New Yorkers have paid women to get a first date for Valentine’s Day in the four weeks before the holiday.

Those New Yorkers spent an average of $143.53, a spokesman for the site said.

New York topped the people looking for the most dates, followed by Los Angeles and Miami.

Follow Alison Bowen on Twitter: @reporteralison

Follow Metro New York on Twitter: @MetroNewYork

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Britney Spears reportedly had nothing to do with her breakup with ex-fiancé Jason Trawick, as the split was orchestrated by Trawick and Spears’ father, Jamie Spears, who still has legal control of her personal life and finances, according to Radar Online. “It really wasn’t Britney’s decision to announce the split last week, it was Jamie who made the call,” a source says. “Jason wanted out, and in the fragile state that Britney is in, it’s not like he could have a rational conversation with her about it, so it was really between him and Jamie. Britney was left out of everything and really didn’t even know what was going on.” The biggest surprise, though, is exactly how in the dark Spears apparently is about her personal life. “Jason and Jamie wanted to make sure that Britney didn’t lose it, so they had to water things down for her a bit,” the source says. “She still hasn’t exactly grasped yet that the relationship is totally over.”

Kristen Stewart may not have joined Robert Pattinson for the Golden Globes ceremony itself, but when she met up with him at an after-party at the Soho House, the “On the Road” actress wouldn’t leave his side, according to Us Weekly. “They hung out and stayed close for over an hour,” a source says of Pattinson and Stewart, who arrived in a less than red carpet-ready look of jeans and a backward hat. The pair then left with a group of friends including Sienna Miller for another party.

Lindsay Lohan recently parted ways with her long-suffering attorney, Shawn Holley, but apparently there’s still some unfinished business between them. “Lindsay owes Shawn over $300,000 in legal fees and she hasn’t made any payments to her in over six months,” a source tells Radar Online. “Lindsay hadn’t paid anything for any of the work Shawn has done on her three new criminal charges of lying to cops, in connection with her car accident in Santa Monica last summer. Shawn has kept Lindsay out of jail for over five years now and she has no idea how good she has had it. Shawn is extremely respected by judges and prosecutors and that has benefited Lindsay greatly. Lindsay’s new criminal attorney, Mark Heller, isn’t even based in Los Angeles and certainly doesn’t have the revered reputation that Shawn does.”

Much has been made of Jodie Foster’s rambling, confusing Golden Globes speech, in which she addressed her sexuality and criticized those that expect her to come out of the closet, but at least one thing is for sure: It wasn’t improvised. “It didn’t take me too long to write,” she told E! News on her way into the event, before anyone knew what she was going to say. “But there was a lot of whittling down. I had to do a lot of whittling down.”

The post Tuesday gossip roundup: No, Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper aren’t dating appeared first on Metro.us.

Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, a renowned clinical psychologist and author of the popular book, “After the Affair,” recently released a second edition of the self-help book for couples. The updated edition features a section based on what she calls the “new” infidelity, which refers to online affairs.

Dr. Spring believes that the number of affairs taking place in America is “enormous” and she predicts that the issue is only going to get worse due to the amount of time people are spending online.

“The landscape has changed dramatically, people are spending hours chatting with others,” Dr. Spring says, “Partners can feel very, very betrayed by these relationships, because affairs at their core are not necessarily about sex but about secrets and the violation of trust.”

Dr. Spring suggests that couples should talk about what they’re comfortable with in terms of how they can communicate with others online.

“They have got to be explicit about what constitutes an affair,” she says. “If your partner was in the room looking over your shoulder watching what you’re watching or reading what you’re writing and they’re feeling uncomfortable, you know you’re doing something wrong.”

But what is it exactly that makes people want to have an online affair?

“You can be anyone you dream of being,” Dr. Spring says. “This experience of transcending your ordinary self, its very powerful … it’s not complicated by reality.”

 She adds that many unfaithful partners are not necessarily attracted to the person they’re communicating with, but rather how the experience makes them feel.

“It’s a great rush for the person who’s corresponding that way because it allows them to go outside of their normal self.”

But is it okay for someone to check their partners Facebook or their emails in order to uncover the truth and put a stop to the issue?

“I understand why people check, it’s human nature to check,” she says. “People want the truth and they believe they can’t get the truth from their partner.”

The post Taking cheating to the internet: The signs of online infidelity appeared first on Metro.us.

The problem is, complete independence doesn’t work in relationships—and is similarly a turn off when dating. When you aren’t willing to show any vulnerability it puts up a wall between you and anyone trying to connect with you. You come across as disengaged and robotic. 

Showing people they have the power to affect you shows the real you, and that draws people in when you’re talking about dating, and it keeps people satisfied when you’re in a relationship. People like to know they matter, especially people you’re romantically involved with. When you don’t show need, don’t rely on your partner for emotional support, or don’t express a strong desire to spend time with them, it makes them feel unwanted, unvalued, and insecure. 

I’ve counseled smart successful women who worry that their job titles or the letters after their name will drive men away. It won’t. What drives men away is any air of “I have my job, so I just don’t need you.”  Ladies, it’s okay to need both.

I’ve also worked with guarded men who are confused why the women they love feel so unhappy in the relationship.  In trying to live up to the cultural norm of the stoic self-reliant man, they have alienated their partners by seeming detached and disengaged which makes their partners feel unimportant.  When these guys take a leap of faith and show more need (that existed in the first place just wasn’t articulated), the relationships get more stable.

There is absolutely a balance between showing some need and being completely dependent on somebody else.  But don’t let the fear of being “needy” keep you from accurately gauging where that balance is. 

The post Dating: Go ahead and get needy appeared first on Metro.us.

Gabriel Aubry won’t be facing criminal charges following his Thanksgiving day brawl with Olivier Martinez, the fiancé of ex-girlfriend Halle Berry, according to TMZ. In lieu of a formal hearing, the Los Angeles City Attorney is expected to hold an informal office meeting to discuss the altercation with Aubry, but the French-Canadian model won’t have to worry about any further repercussions.

Two years after his divorce from Robin Wright, Sean Penn is opening up their marriage — and his entire romantic history. “There is no shame in saying that we all want to be loved by someone. As I look back over my life in romance, I don’t feel I’ve ever had that,” he tells Esquire magazine. And while he doesn’t mention Wright by name, he does discuss their split. “When you get divorced, all the truths come out, you sit there and go, ‘What the f— was I doing? What was I doing believing that this person was invested in this way?’” he says. “Which is a fantastically strong humiliation in the best sense. It can make somebody very bitter and very hard and closed off, but I find it does the opposite to me.”

Renee Zellweger apparently has a new man in her life. The actress was spotted at LAX airport smooching musician and producer Doyle Bramhall, who previously dated Sheryl Crow, according to Us Weekly. “They went to college together,” a source says of the new couple. “It’s going really well.” Zellweger was last linked romantically to Bradley Cooper, but they split up in March 2011 after dating for less than two years.

The post Thursday gossip roundup: Sean Penn opens up about his divorce from Robin Wright appeared first on Metro.us.

Rihanna posted a photo of the couple sharing an intimate embrace to Instagram with the caption “i dont wanna leave!!! Killed it tonight baby!!!”

The young pop stars, who were embroiled in a 2009 domestic dispute that made headlines, have been fending off rumors about their reconciliation for weeks, especially after Chris Brown ended his on and off relationship with model Karrueche Tran. Though, recently, RiRi has been more open about the fact that she is spending time with Brown, tweeting a photo just days ago of the him shirtless and passed out face-down in a bed.

The image set off a spur of comments from fans and critics alike after Rihanna seemed to confirm what everyone had already suspected.

“It takes the average woman seven times to leave an abusive relationship for good so this is normal,” one Instagram user commented.

“Aww too cute, happy for y’all!!!!” another user said.

Rihanna tagged an account in her caption of her most recent Instagram photo that appears to be Chris Brown’s new Twitter account after he abruptly deactivated his original account following a tweet war with comedian Jenny Johnson.

The post Rihanna and Chris Brown appear officially back together in Instagram pic appeared first on Metro.us.

At this time of the year during the holidays, doesn’t everyone in New York long for a significant other to decorate the tree, cook the turkey, and smooch under the mistletoe? (Don’t most breakups occur after Valentine’s Day?) But during July and August, also known as summer-share-in-the Hamptons season, flying solo may be the better deal, leaving open options for midnight strolls and bonfires on the beach. (Unless of course, housemates are coupled up, then a seasonal beau is a must.)
 
Yet, life doesn’t really work that way. When we’re not looking, or we want to take advantage of the fringe benefits that accompany being single, love happens. And when we’re searching high and low for our soul mate or even a Saturday night date, he or she can’t be found in the same area code — or in NYC, on the same island.
 
Long before New York became my home, I believed that I’d never find Mr. Right. Like most eligible females, I had searched for years without any long-term success. Then at 30, I’d given up completely and thought the Sisterhood was my resolve, my final destination (not the Ya-Ya Sisterhood either). I almost committed to living a life without fashion, style or Fendi shoes, forgoing the cool car and decorated house, and skipping Friday nights out with the girls at our favorite hangout for eternal days in a habit.
 
So when I stopped searching in all of the nooks and crannies of my lonely world, magically, he appeared. Or should I say, he had been there, right before my very eyes, disguised as Mr. Wrong instead of Mr. Right.
 
Mr. Right may seem like the impossible find to a single woman, because, he is. I don’t believe that ‘Mr. Rights’ exist — I stopped 15 years ago when I met my husband. My man was bald, Jewish, and outdoorsy, drove an old, dented pickup truck, and lived in an unkempt bedroom in a mutual friend’s house. (I was a tidy Catholic, an arty girl who drove a VW Jetta and preferred a full head of hair.)
 
Back in November 1997, the boy standing in front of me had none of the qualities on my short list. He was so far removed from the ‘man of my dreams’ stereotype, I overlooked a potential great guy for six months. And then luckily, something changed. I opened my eyes and he gave me a chance.
 
Do I have any regrets, missing the city experiences in Manhattan pre-marriage? Sometimes I still wish I could’ve been that single New York girl, if only for a year, just to say that I’ve been there and done that. (I certainly would have tons of good writing material as a result.)
 
But most times, I can’t say that the life of a bachelorette in the Big Apple sounds that appetizing — at least not to me.
 
Instead, I do occasionally imagine how adventurous it would’ve been to live in New York in the early 90s, either in college or as a recent graduate, with a bald, Jewish roommate named Michael who loved pickup trucks and unkempt rooms, didn’t decorate any trees, yet he built one hell of a bonfire.

For the single ladies in New York City and around the world, stop searching for Mr. Right. Mr. Wrong, on the other hand, might be well worth a second look.

For more city stories, follow me on twitter, or on Tracy’s New York Life.

The post I don’t believe in Mr. Right appeared first on Metro.us.

Things seem to be getting serious fast between Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, with talk of marriage already popping up — along with, apparently, a dirty secret about Kutcher’s marriage to Demi Moore. “Mila’s now saying she and Ashton want to marry and raise children,” a source tells Perez Hilton. “She’s assured stunned pals that he doesn’t need a divorce from Demi because the two were never legally wed in a civil ceremony. They got ‘hitched’ in a symbolic Kabbalah ceremony.”

Simon Cowell is reportedly dating Carmen Electra, according to In Touch. The pair turned heads recently during a rather cozy dinner at a West Hollywood restaurant. “They were really into each other,” a source says. “At one point they were talking real close, and he leaned in and kissed her. They started making out.” Rumors of something between the two started earlier this year when Cowell had Electra serve as a guest judge for “Britain’s Got Talent,” but she was engaged to musician Rob Patterson at the time.

Before news broke of Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s 14-year-old love child with housekeeper Mildred Baena, he confessed it himself to wife Maria Shriver — but only after she confronted him about it in therapy. “The minute we sat down, the therapist turned to me and said, ‘Maria wanted to come her today and to ask about a child — whether you fathered a child with your housekeeper Mildred,’” Schwarzenegger writes in his new memoir. “I told the therapist, ‘It’s true.’” According to the book, the therapy session took place in January 2011, four months before he publicly admitted to fathering the child, whom he says was conceived during production of “Batman and Robin.”

Selena Gomez was spotted last week carrying around the marriage self-help book “the Five Languages of Love,” prompting speculation as to why the 20-year-old girlfriend of Justin Bieber would need marriage advice. But Gomez insists it came highly recommended. “Actually, my preacher suggested it to me just for fun, so I’m reading it just for fun,” she tells Hollyscoop.

The post Tuesday gossip roundup: Are Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis getting engaged? appeared first on Metro.us.

With her marriage to Ryan Reynolds last weekend on the books, Blake Lively apparently isn’t wasting any time getting their domestic life going. “I’ve always wanted a big family. Oh, I’d love 30 kids if I could,” Lively says in the latest issue of Allure. The “Gossip Girl” star also cops to living a pretty clean life free of drugs and alcohol — and nightclubs. “The music is so loud, you can’t have a conversation with somebody,” she says. “If I were an amazing dancer, yeah, I’d go, but I’m definitely not.

In news that may be surprising considering their recent public squabbling, estranged couple Heidi Klum and Seal are actually in an “OK place,” according to Klum. “I don’t know if we’re the greatest friends right now, especially because of the things that he said,” Klum tells Katie Couric during an interview for her new talk show. “We’re in an OK place.” Klum adds that the constant attention hasn’t made processing their breakup any easier: “It’s hard especially when you are in the public eye too. People are always looking at you closely and at everything you do. And they also don’t always see exactly how it really is,” she says. “I haven’t felt like correcting every rumor that is out there. I’m focusing on moving forward.”

“True Blood” stars Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer became parents twice over this week, according to Hollyscoop. “We can confirm that Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer recently welcomed their twins into the world,” their rep announces. “The babies were born a few weeks early, but are in good health and both Mom and Dad are overjoyed.” The twins mark the first children for Paquin, while Moyer has two children from a previous marriage.

It looks like Randy Jackson won’t be bounced from the judges’ table on “American Idol” after reports leaked that he is close to signing a deal to keep him in his old spot on the hit reality competition show, according to Deadline. Rumors had circulated that Jackson, the only remaining judge from the original version of the show, would be moved to a “mentor” position for the new season. But it looks like that’s not happening.

The post Wednesday gossip roundup: Are Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson back together? appeared first on Metro.us.

Lauren, a 32-year-old marketing professional has tried the online route with no success: “I don’t believe you get that spark that makes the beginning of a relationship exciting if you know you’re both looking for a relationship at the same time and planning to merge your lives.” Lauren tried several websites for singles, but wouldn’t go back to online dating.  “I got turned off from it enough to never do it again.”
 
Amara, a 28-year-old furniture consultant, has met most of her dates in bars, and a few through friends, but she refuses to use dating websites too.  She got into a serious relationship through OkCupid that ended abruptly: “We dated about 6 months. We went on a vacation together and it just didn’t work out after that. He wasn’t sure what he wanted and I was mad because he wasn’t affectionate on the trip, and so I ended it. All he gave me was, ‘I don’t know what I want.’ That’s a cop out — and I couldn’t make him want more from me so I walked.”
 
As a former single woman, I have to ask the question, “If you’re living in New York and on the hunt, isn’t any place the right place to find love?” In reality, it can happen while walking down Broadway, grabbing a caramel macchiato (skim, of course) at Starbucks, or taking a Pure yoga class. Are city women simply too shy about their needs for affection and companionship? If the ladies are putting themselves out there and sharing their solo status with friends, family and through social media, shouldn’t every independent woman in NYC have a weekend date if she wants one? Or, are big city girls burying themselves too deeply in the world of internet dating?
 
Meeting a guy may be simple enough, but connecting to the right ‘one’ for a long-term relationship isn’t a cinch anywhere, and especially in a city the size of New York. The guy of your dreams may be out there in one of the five boroughs, but finding him isn’t going to be a walk in the park — or is it?
 
I asked a few more single women about their dating experiences in the Big Apple. I received a mixed bag of answers.
 
“Every time he had an orgasm, he laughed. He got the job done, but I had to do a lot of the work. We didn’t last very long. It was really awkward.” D.Y. -West Village
 
“There was the guy who listed himself as ‘Jewish — but not that serious about it.’ Everything was going great for a couple of months… until he told me he really had to end up with a Jewish girl.  That was of course after we’d slept together.” C.A. -Financial District
 
“My last serious boyfriend is engaged now to a Plain Jane—a sign he wasn’t for me. I’m a whole lot to handle.” A.E. -Hell’s Kitchen

“I went on my first ever online date with a guy right after I broke up with my long-term boyfriend. The waiter pressured him to order a bottle of wine… and then another. That’s when it all came out that we both had just gotten out of horrible breakups that we still weren’t over, and we were only forcing ourselves to “date” to get our minds off of it. It was the most depressing date of my life.” C.G. -Midtown West
 
“I’ve used Match.com, eharmony, and OkCupid. Eharmony delivered the nicest guys who were really interested in relationships, but weren’t great matches for me, and Match.com — whatever. OkCupid had cheap guys looking to get laid without paying the cost of a dating site membership.” W.B. -Astoria
 
“When your boyfriend has a male chastity cage around his penis and gives you the key, it’s time to move on.” H.H. -Upper West Side
 
For more about New York, follow me on Twitter, or on Tracy’s New York Life.

The post Looking for love in all the right places? appeared first on Metro.us.

The duo has been spotted celebrating out on the town in London, though a series of photos Rossee tweeted recently seem to confirm that they are in fact an official couple. Rossee also made her red carpet debut on Phelps’ arm last night at the Speedo Athlete Celebration in London.  

On her Model Mayhem profile, the 25-year-old LA-based bombshell describes herself as “super easy going and pretty much down for any type of project (that doesn’t involve nudity).”

In case you’re wondering, she’s 5’10”, 125 lbs. and wears a size 7 shoe.

One photographer commented on her profile, congratulating her recent headline-making appearances with Phelps: “Congrat’s of being the First Lady of American Swimming! According to Yahoo’s ‘Mystery Blonde’. :)”

HollyScoop reports the couple has been dating since January but things took a more serious turn right before Phelps headed to his third Olympics.

“Michael knew that he had to leave for the Olympics and not wanting to give up on their relationship, he flew Megan out to the trials in Omaha and then to London for The Games,” a source told the site.

Sorry ladies, but as far as we know, Ryan Lochte is still single.

(Photo via Twitter)

The post Michael Phelps’ girlfriend Megan Rossee: The first lady of American swimming appeared first on Metro.us.

Holmes, 24, had profiles on both the dating website Match.com and the casual sex website Adult Friend Finder.

One woman told TMZ she was horrified to find that Match had suggested she connect with Holmes on Friday afternoon, just hours after he was arrested for the massacre during a midnight premier of “The Dark Knight Rises.”

The photo on his Match profile shows Holmes with the same dyed red hair he had during the shooting. In his profile, he lists himself as agnostic with “middle of the road” political views. Under favorite movies, Holmes wrote, “Too many good movies to have a
favorite, maybe Dumb and Dumber, Hachiko, Star Wars, etc.” He said his
favorite book is “Where’s Waldo?”

Holmes’ profile states he definitely wants kids. 

“You should message me if you’re interested, obviously. Or lookin’ for sexy times. Very nice!,” Holmes said in his profile, along with “Will you visit me in prison?”

The woman, Diana, who was matched with Holmes said it was “pretty scary getting matched to a mass murderer.”

Holmes also tried to reach out to three women on Adult Friend Finder before the shooting, and was reportedly rejected by all of them. One woman who said Holmes was “just looking to maybe chat … nothing sexual” told TMZ she didn’t respond to him because she just wasn’t that into him.

Holmes indicated in his profile that he was looking for casual sex, and possibly group sex.

In his first appearance in court this morning, Holmes sat expressionless,  except for brief moments when he closed his eyes. He will be formally charged in the shooting on July 30.

The post Horrifying: Woman gets matched with James Holmes on dating site hours after Colorado shooting appeared first on Metro.us.

We’re reminded why we absolutely despise the dating game in “Speed Dating,” starring Jeff Ward and Emma Koenig. The film’s main characters make a show of boldly reciting lines from the unwritten and (typically) unspoken rules of dating.

It begins as the new relationship is just developing and both partners “go around in circles” about what they should do that night.

“We should waste at least 15 minutes being indecisive,” Ward says.

“I think it’s really important that the phrase ‘I’ll do whatever you want to do’ is said by each of us at least five times,” Koenig replies.

The next four minutes squeeze in just about every up and down two people can experience at the beginning of a dating relationship, from that first awkward time in bed, to the break up, to the booty calls.

Forewarning: You may have the urge to cancel your OkCupid account after watching this.

The post Short film ‘Speed Dating’ sheds light on the depressing perils of modern dating appeared first on Metro.us.

After sweeping public outcry over what many said was a  racist depiction, the company promptly removed the ad from its YouTube channel and issued this response from Popchips CEO Keith Belling on its blog:

We received a lot feedback about the dating campaign parody we launched today and appreciate everyone who took the time to share their point of view.

Our team worked hard to create a light-hearted parody featuring a variety of characters that was meant to provide a few laughs. We did not intend to offend anyone. I take full responsibility and apologize to anyone we offended.

The original ad has been removed from YouTube, but you can seen still see it posted on a different account below.

Metro’s original story is below:

The Twittersphere is blowing up over a video posted on YouTube starring some delicious, all-natural snacks, some questionable elements… and Ashton Kutcher.

In a marketing plot gone awry, Kutcher appears in a series of “dating” videos, during which he adopts different characters, rambles on in stereotypical accents, and then casually mentions Popchips — the product behind the videos.

The video that has stirred up the most controversy is one where Kutcher channels a character named Raj, a Bollywood producer looking for someone to “love him in all the wrong places.”

Kutcher wears brown-face makeup and speaks with a stereotypical, not to mention poorly delivered, Indian accent. The videos are meant to be light-hearted and funny, but it’s impossible to imagine that the creators and Kutcher didn’t see the backlash coming.

“I AM NOT AMUSED ASHTON KUTCHER (@aplusk). RACISM TO SELL POP CHIPS???,” one person tweeted in response to the video.

“OMG is this really Ashton Kuchner in brownface as a South Asian man for Pop Chips on YouTube?,” another tweeter said.

It will be interesting to see when or how popchips, a fairly new company, addresses the controversy. Take a look at the video and tell us what you think.

The post VIDEO: Ashton Kutcher’s ‘racist’ Popchips video pulled (UPDATED) appeared first on Metro.us.

According to Buzzfeed, the study was conducted by Andreas Baranowksi, a PhD student at Johannes Gutenberg University in Germany who was itching to get to the bottom of this age-old enigma. 17 men and 23 women went through about six hours of training on how to better pick-up potential mates by learning “evolutionary psychology principles” — what men and women find attractive about each other.

Men were told to use indirect approaches by opening a conversation with a question about something like music rather than a compliment about a woman’s appearance. They were also told to use their physical stature to indicate a high social status by making sweeping hand gestures and and touching others “non-reciprocally” (but this could get weird if you’re not good at it).

Women were told to send men clear signals that they were open to being approached, like smiling… over and over again. In fact, it could take up to 12 times for a man to finally get it (Seriously?).

Both genders were told to touch their love interest slightly in conversation. Then they were sent out to battle. Did the training pay off? Yes, both men and women actually doubled their typical success rates.

Men who usually got 1.07 phone numbers from women per hour on average were able to snag to 3.67 numbers. Women were offered drinks 3.1 times compared to their usual rate of 1.65 cocktail.

See? There is hope for you!

The post A Study Has Found: You, too, can train yourself to be a pickup artist appeared first on Metro.us.