Governor Chris Christie flexed his noble muscle today and saved a classroom of terrified children from the dangers of a daunting arachnid.

Christie tweeted earlier in the day that his daughter’s 4th grade class was visiting the State House. What began as field trip meant to mold the inquiring minds of our nation’s youth, quickly unraveled at the unexpected intrusion of an eight-legged trespasser.

But tough-talking Christie set out once again to prove his bite is just as fierce as his bark – and it was all captured on video, making this tale that much more titillating..

“Where is he?” Christie demanded, as the children crowded a desk where the spider was spotted. “There he is,” Christie jeered, before he used his palm to squash the spider, which dared terrorize the children of New Jersey.

The room erupted in applause and the governor was heralded as an immediate hero. Christie basked in the limelight, declaring, “That’s the fun part of being a governor. Any bugs on your desk, you get to kill them, and not get in trouble.”

Is Christie trying to upstage Newark’s mayoral hero Cory Booker, who has literally been known to receive second degree burns while saving people from a burning building?

Is the room for two heroes in New Jersey? Only time will tell…

The post VIDEO: Gov. Chris Christie saves school children from spider, becomes instant hero appeared first on Metro.us.

25-year-old video editor Anthony DiMieri had written a sitcom about 20-something guys living in NYC back in 2010, but when “Girls” premiered, the idea for a parody colliding two stereotyped sub-cultures just clicked.

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  Watch the trailer for ‘Bros,’ a parody of HBO’s ‘Girls’

“When I saw ‘Girls,’ I thought, ‘Holy crap – this is really close to what I was doing,’” DiMieri told Metro. “It’s taking some humor and boiling things down to more sketch comedy. Humor in a web series is different than humor on TV. You have to make people laugh right off the bat.”

Thus, “Bros” was born.

He did a casting call in December, pulled a lot of favors for the low-budget production, and put it on on YouTube earlier this week. “Bros” follows a main character who gets cut off by his parents (sound familiar?) after his post-college life is filled with picking up chicks and playing “Call of Duty.” His soul-searching is brought to halt when one of his fellow bros reveals the secrets of picking up hipster girls. Observing their friend’s outfit — a sparkly t-shirt, a purple winter cap and cut-off shorts — the main character and his bros are at first bewildered that this look could ever attract women.

“You look like you skinned a mermaid,” a bro exclaims. “And you took her skin, and fashioned it into a crude shirt.”

“You haven’t been over there. It’s different,” the bro-turned-hipster responds of Williamsburg.

“You don’t even have lenses in your glasses,” another bro rebuts, still in utter shock.

But it is the bro-turned-hipster who gets the last laugh when he returns to the apartment that night with a flannel-wearing hottie. From there, DiMieri’s cast embarks on a transformation as they strive to infiltrate Williamsburg and entice female hipsters with mentions of gin distilleries and “obscure” music. Sure, they run into bumps along the way, like being denied a Long Island Iced Tea from the bartender because it is a “stupid drink.” Moments like that are reflections of DiMieri’s real-life memories from his time in a Williamsburg apartment he shared with three girls.

“The stuff I was writing about, I sort of based on real-life experience,” he said. “I definitely lived a similar lifestyle with the Pickleback shots and PBR. There is some truth to the stereotypes, but we really went over the top and made it cartoonish.”

DiMieri has gotten a lot of feedback about “Bros” but, predictably, some criticism, too, about poking fun at “Girls.”

“My favorite YouTube comment so far is something like, ‘You guys are a**holes for ruining such a good thing,’” he said. “They think I am attacking the show, but I am not trying do that.”

And the people behind the show itself have already taken notice of “Bros.” The official Twitter account for “Girls” started following DiMieri.

“That was a big deal because it was like, ‘Ok, the people at HBO are watching this,’” DiMieri said. “I think Lena Dunham and I could probably collaborate and write a really hilarious episode, maybe about bringing the girls to a frat party.”

DiMieri, who rejects labels but admitted he is likely part-bro, part-hipster, would like to continue making episodes in the web series, but said it is all based on cost and whether he can find a way to fund the production. Most of the people involved for in the first episode worked for free, including the cast members. He is considering launching a Kickstarter campaign.

Follow Cassandra Garrison on Twitter at @CassieAtMetro

The post Former Williamsburg resident creates ‘Bros’ — a parody of HBO’s ‘Girls’ appeared first on Metro.us.

Why can’t we stop eagerly staring at photoshopped pictures of this beloved movie nanny and this sassy British songstress combined to create one hilarious, jolly character?

What is it that makes each photo more entertaining than the last — and why is this even a real thing?

We’re not entirely sure, but we know we want more of it — and we’re not alone. The brand new blog has already garnered an impressive following.  Why, you ask?

You can’t understand, until you see it for yourself:

(Photos via Tumblr)

The post PHOTOS: Why we love Adele as ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ appeared first on Metro.us.

Find some of the book’s best pics below.

The post PHOTOS: New book ‘Sign Language 2′ features hilariously translated signs appeared first on Metro.us.

We’ve seen Improv Everywhere create confusing, but comical, scenes doing everything from mall Santa musicals to swimming pool poker. While the subway is often the backdrop for these “missions,” this sleeper car skit caught our eye because — let’s face it — everyone wishes they could lay down and nap on the train.

In “The Sleeper Car,” a friendly conductor invites tuckered out passengers to rest their eyes on makeshift cots during their nighttime commutes inside a subway in Queens. He asks other passengers to keep their voices down as not to disturb those who may be napping. He even offers pajamas and sleep masks. Confused observers look on, but are eventually enticed by the inviting cotton sheets and cozy blanket.

As much as we’d love to spread out and catch some Zs on the subway, we can’t help but think to ourselves, “Don’t lay down! There could be bedbugs on those cots!”

The post VIDEO: Improv Everywhere converts subway to sleeper car appeared first on Metro.us.

In today’s rocky job economy, a little humor can go a long way.  But when do  jokes lose the laughs? Endres shares four tips for exercising workplace-appropriate humor:

Don’t play favorites
“Never make anyone specifically the person of target within a joke.  Poke fun at yourself if you single someone out.”

Check your tone
“Steer clear of any heavy-handed sarcasm, because it can be viewed as a subtle way of insulting someone. Workplace humor should be low-key or even understated.”

Actively participate
“Even if you’re not necessarily the funniest person, keep the mood light by being receptive to other people’s humor — laugh with the group.”

Keep the pranks in the closet
“To still be taken seriously, don’t clown around too much.  You don’t want to be the stand-up comic, by any means, so practical jokes are always a bad idea.”

Troubleshooting
“If you’ve accidentally offended your co-worker, a sincere, in-person apology can go a long way,” says Endres. “Be mindful not to cross that boundary again.”

A time and a place
Despite the benefits of occasional workplace hoopla, Endres notes the difference between a cubicle community and an interview room. Before you get the company thumbs-up: “Be mindful during the actual job interview. You don’t have to crack jokes. You don’t need to be a comedian. Be natural in ways that let your personality shine through.” 

The post A sense of humor at work can go a long way appeared first on Metro.us.

But this cover letter that’s been floating around the internet due to its absurdity brings it to a whole new level. Written to JP Morgan by a motivated NYU student named Mark, it has been circulated through pretty much every business on Wall Street.

A self-proclaimed “shrewd individual,” Mark says of himself, “I am unequivocally the most unflaggingly hard worker I know.”

Hard to argue with that. After all, the guy did manage to get a 3.93 GPA and bench double his body weight. Don’t forget, he can also do 35 pull-ups — very important skills for an investment banker. He performs office tasks with “terrifying efficiency.” Not that he is conceited, though, and definitely not a “braggart,” due to liability issues associated with having an ego. 

If you’re wondering whether Mark got the job (or any job), the answer is no. Just read it for yourself. You have to.

1/23/2012

J.P. Morgan

Dear Sir or Madame:

I am an ambitious undergraduate at NYU triple majoring in Mathematics, Economics, and Computer Science. I am a punctual, personable, and shrewd individual, yet I have a quality which I pride myself on more than any of these.

I am unequivocally the most unflaggingly hard worker I know, and I love self-improvement. I have always felt that my time should be spent wisely, so I continuously challenge myself; I left Villanova because the work was too easy. Once I realized I could achieve a perfect GPA while holding a part-time job at NYU, I decided to redouble my effort by placing out of two classes, taking two honors classes, and holding two part-time jobs. That semester I achieved a 3.93, and in the same time I managed to bench double my bodyweight and do 35 pull-ups.

I say these things only because solid evidence is more convincing than unverifiable statements, and I want to demonstrate that I am a hard worker. J.P. Morgan is a firm with a reputation that precedes itself and employees who represent only the best and rightest in finance. I know that the employees in this firm will push me to excellence, especially within the Investment Banking division. In fact, one of the supporting reasons I chose Investment Banking over any other division was that I know it is difficult. I hope to augment my character by diligently working for the professionals at Morgan Stanley, and I feel I have much to offer in return.

I am proficient in several programming languages, and I can pick up a new one very quickly. For instance, I learned a years worth of Java from NYU in 27 days on my own; this is how I placed out of two including: Money and Banking, Analysis, Game Theory, Probability and Statistics. Even further, I am taking Machine Learning and Probabilistic Graphical Modeling currently, two programming courses offered by Stanford, so that I may truly offer the most if I am accepted. I am proficient with Bloomberg terminals, excellent with excel, and can perform basic office functions with terrifying efficiency. I have plenty of experience in the professional world through my internship at Merrill Lynch, and my research assistant position at NYU. In fact, my most recent employer has found me so useful that he promoted me to a Research Assistant and an official CTED intern. This role is usually reserved for Masters students, but my employer gave the title to me so that he could give me more work.

Please realize that I am not a braggart or conceited, I just want to outline my usefulness. Egos can be a huge liability, and I try not to have one.

Thank you so much for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best,

Mark

(via Gawker)

The post This ridiculous JP Morgan cover letter is the laughingstock of Wall Street appeared first on Metro.us.

Some creative doodlers have taken it upon themselves to add a little imagination to these posters, giving that falling man some new sites and settings. Laughing Squid did a round-up of some of the best creations. Which altered poster is your favorite?

The post ‘Mad Men’ posters get street makeovers appeared first on Metro.us.

Last night, a large man jumped over another large man and made a basket during a professional game of basketball.

Something about this must have been really important because many people are talking and tweeting about it. We’ve observed the footage and can confirm that a dunk took place… and yes, it looks cool, but we’re not entirely sure why it’s different from other dunks, mainly because we haven’t watched video of other dunks in an effort to compare and contrast.

Here’s what we’ve figured out so far.

Blake Griffin, a Clippers player who bears a striking resemblance to Kris Humphries (now, that guy we know), ran towards the basket and leapt a giant leap. Kendrick Perkins, a Thunder player, extended his arm, trying to block Griffin, but he made the dunk anyway. Griffin looked jacked up afterwards and broke free from a behind bear hug from a fellow player. Other players beat their chests. Everyone got excited. Kewl.

Observe.

The post VIDEO: Blake Griffin’s dunk over Kendrick Perkins, as told by someone who knows nothing about basketball appeared first on Metro.us.

When the question “A blow to the back of the neck is the punch named for this animal,” Mike promptly buzzed in and answered with “What is a donkey.” Oh, Mike. You and your dirty mind just made our Monday night a little funnier. While his risque response technically was not wrong, it wasn’t the answer the folks at Jeopardy were looking for. Still don’t get it? Well, then, just click here.

For those keeping tabs at home, the correct answer was rabbit punch.

While a contained chuckle can be heard from Alex Trebek, it amazes us he didn’t laugh harder.

Watch the video below:

And since we assume you’re a sucker for nationally televised sexual jokes, just like we are, here’s a clip from an old Jeopardy episode where someone answered, “What is a threesome.” (That was also the wrong answer).

The post No, the answer to the Jeopardy question was not “What is a Donkey Punch” (VIDEO) appeared first on Metro.us.

Today’s gem comes to us via Yelp. Yes, Yelp. Someone out there in the World Wide Web is posting reviews of New York bars as Stefon K., Saturday Night Live’s know-it-all party animal.

Stefon is always in the know about New York’s newest and hottest bars and clubs, and now we can also be a little more hip in the Big Apple.

One of our favorites is his review is of the East Village bar ‘Angels and Kings,’ which, coincidentally, is a place we sometimes frequent.

From his review:

NEW YORK’S HOTTEST BAR IS ANGELS & KINGS!??

Although it should be called Angels & Queens! Scandalous!! (Pete Wentz is a giving loverrrrr).??Located in the middle of the fountain in Washington Square Park, this pan-sexual portauthoriparty is the creation of Italian club owner Tranny Hall. ??

And this place has everything: ??Mr. Miagi impersonators, skinny cholos, a jacuzzi of expired milk, a Polynesian nanny who looks like Smokey Robinson…??…and look who just walked in!??

Is it Natalie Portman? No! It’s an old Irish Black man we all call “Murphy Brown”!

Plus, if you come on Sundays, you can meet the two year-old Ultimate Fighting champion Drooly Lips Jackson – he’s got fists like little empanadas!??…And he’s my best friend. ??

All this and a serious chumbucket circle jerk with Fallout Boy’s own Pete Wentz, who likes to hang out in the back room and take photos of his own penis with his cell phone in a mirror while wearing women’s makeup and crying.

Everybody vogue!

Ok, genius, who are you? Who is hiding behind Stefon, the Yelp Reviewer? We want to meet you.

Follow Mary Ann Georgantopoulos on Twitter @marygeorgant

The post SNL’s resident party animal, Stefon, reviews NYC bars on Yelp appeared first on Metro.us.

Today, we received multiple emails, Facebook wall posts and tweets regarding the latest installment: “Sh*t Nobody says,” an ironic twist spoofing things no one ever says. Yes, there were parts of the video that made us chuckle, mainly the phrase “could you please keep smacking your gum?” (ed. note: The parade of messages I received was due to the fact that anyone who’s ever met me knows my biggest pet peeve in life is the sound of someone chewing).

This got us thinking, though, and we’re putting a request out to the universe: Enough! Make it stop! They videos had their moment in the sun, but now they’re not funny anymore.

It was one month ago exactly that “Sh*t Girls Say” hit YouTube. The video went viral, we all laughed, and, long live social media, shared it with friends. Then the second episode hit and we laughed just as hard, if not harder.

You see, what made the first and second episodes of the original videos funny was that girls, perhaps without realizing it, actually say that stuff. Show us one girl who hasn’t stopped in the middle of the road to ask herself “did I lock the door?” or asked a friend to split a cookie and we’ll show you a liar. That’s exactly why it’s funny. The video called out us girls on all the ridiculous things we often say.

But why couldn’t it stop there? Instead, more and more videos followed with crap every stereotype says. Hipsters, gay men, black people, gay men and their cats (we’re not kidding), yogis, fat people … and the list goes on.

No hipster asks if Brooklyn is the new Manhattan, and yogi’s don’t ask each other to take wheat grass shots after class.  Again, we’re returning to the idea that it’s not funny because it’s not real.  

Why do we live in a culture where we try so hard to desperately cling on to anything successful and funny and drag it on until it completely kills the joke?
 
So, if you think you have an awesome “Sh*t someone says” idea and want to make a video, please, just don’t. We promise you, it’s not as funny as you think it is.

Follow Mary Ann Georgantopoulos on Twitter @marygeorgant

The post ‘Sh*t people say’ videos: Please, we beg you, make them stop! appeared first on Metro.us.

Zopittybop-Bop-Bop was arrested on drug and weapons charges, which is a bit of a surprise. Wouldn’t someone named Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop be a mild-mannered peacenik?

Zopittybop-Bop-Bop (we think that’s where the last name begins) legally changed his name, which was Jeffrey Drew Wilschke, in October.

Beezow was arrested last Thursday in Madison, Wisconsin after cops fielded complaints about noise and drug use in a local park, according to KTLA. Cops found him carrying a knife, marijuana and drug paraphernalia.

This isn’t the first time Zopittybop-Bop-Bop has had a run-in with the law. He was arrested on similar charges last April.

Zopittybop-Bop-Bop offers an explanation for his peculiar name change on his Facebook profile. He describes it as a “jazz term” that means “the sum of the hysteria of all the chaos in the universe. or something.” A perfectly good explanation!

Also note-worthy: He lists himself as a member of the “Orthodox Church Of Jerry Garcia Fans.”

He is also single.

The post Man named Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop arrested in Wisc. appeared first on Metro.us.

So why then is the Internet having so much fun with the image of Lt. John Pike, the UC-Davis campus cop captured on film this weekend pepper-spraying sitting Occupy protesters at point-blank range? Anyonymous Internet wags have been Photoshopping him into everything from the signing of the Declaration of Independence to Seurat’s “Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte” for days. Why, of all things, did this turn comedic? Is everything a meme these days?

In short, yes. But we think it goes deeper than that. The abuse in the pictures is so blatant, so baldly debunking those claims that the only police violence taking place at the Occupy protests comes when officers are provoked, that the only logical response to it is to laugh at the insanity of it all.

So laugh at these, full-heartedly, without feeling guilty.

More on UC-Davis:

Are the memes of Lt. John Pike making younglings read the news?

Pepper-spray cop suspended without leave

Students silently confront UC-Davis chancellor Linda Katehi

The post Lt. John Pike: Is it wrong to make fun of the UC-Davis pepper spray cop? appeared first on Metro.us.

Lee caught the eye of GQ and he told the magazine his favorite brands are Burberry, Ralph Lauren and J. Crew. With his skinny ties, vests and horn-rimmed glasses, the hipster cop explained that his less-than-typical NYPD-look actually helps him better mediate between protesters, police and the community. We get it: Everyone can trust a guy in a skinny tie.

However, Lee is not sure “hipster” is the best term to describe him — he feels he’s more of an “English country” kind of guy. Looks like the hipster cop will just have to go on being misunderstood for now…

Here’s a video tribute to Lee rocking the skinny pants on duty:

Hipster Cop from Sparrow Media on Vimeo.

And finally, enjoy these ironic little hipster jokes from Buzzfeed:

The post Occupy Wall Street: The best of ‘Hipster Cop’ Rick Lee appeared first on Metro.us.

It’s natural to assume that a man who was once the CEO of Godfather’s Pizza is passionate about pie. However, Herman Cain is also apparently passionate about music — pizza-themed music, specifically. In a confusing, yet hilarious, video that popped up today on The Daily Beast, we are treated to Cain’s rendition of “Imagine,” tweaked with his own lyrics honoring pizza.

“Imagine only burgers,” he sings, “It’s frightening and sad. You’re lucky you have pizza to feed your kids for you.”

The video was shot at the 1991 Omaha Press Club meeting, so really it could have been much worse for Cain. (“Slice, Slice, Baby,” anyone?)

Cain of course is no stranger to the spiritual jams: he released a gospel album called “Sunday Morning” in 1999. His pizza ode was not included.

The post VIDEO: Herman Cain’s pizza tribute appeared first on Metro.us.

Enter: this guy.

Some straphangers got quite the show when a man decided to skylark on the J train, even while wearing an iPod. As he rides along with ease, we get the feeling this guy has done this before.

Then the train comes to a stop. We have the sneaking suspicion that it’s because the conductor probably noticed the subway stowaway.

The man then jumps down from the train and disappears into some sort of tunnel within the tunnel. You hear one subway rider proclaim, “This dude is like a subway rat!”

Yes, a very nimble subway rat who apparently isn’t aware that skylarking is beyond idiotic, not to mention illegal.

Note: Metro does not condone skylarking, in case you couldn’t tell.

The post Skylarking: ‘This dude is like a subway rat’ (VIDEO) appeared first on Metro.us.

However, Benito Apolinar of Pecos, Texas, may want to consider signing off for a while after a recent incident that ended in a battery charge against him.

As the story is reported by The Carlsbad Current-Argus, Apolinar posted a status update about the anniversary of his mother’s death.

He was expecting plenty of people to “like” it, but when his estranged wife didn’t show her support in the form of a Facebook nod, he reportedly got pretty upset about it. That’s when, police say, Apolinar went to his wife’s house and began hitting her and pulling her hair.

Now, Apolinar has pleaded not guilty to a charge of battery, but either way, is probably definitely guilty of taking Facebook too seriously.

The post Did a Facebook status lead to domestic dispute? appeared first on Metro.us.

Lately, she has been performing in a burlesque show in Las Vegas, which is probably a better use of her time. However, she doesn’t want to completely fall out of the public eye and figured she had to do something and do it fast. That leads us to her highly important announcement that she has decided to insure her 36D’s for $1 million, according to People magazine.

“I’ve heard about people getting body parts insured and I thought, why not?, because if anything happened to my boobs, I’d be out for a few months and I’d probably be out a million dollars,” Madison said. “I thought I’d cover my assets.”

The other people she mentions who have insured body parts might be Bruce Springsteen, who insured his voice for $6 million with the same company that Holly chose, or Betty Grable, who insured her legs for $1 million.  

Wise move, Holly. We are definitely all talking about you again.

The post Holly Madison seeks attention by insuring her boobs appeared first on Metro.us.

Meanwhile, those lucky enough to have tickets are taking full advantage of the opportunity to use them as leverage in a variety of requests… at times, very creepy requests.

We logged onto Craigslist to see just how far people were willing to go, or how far people will ask others to go in exchange for the highly sought-after tickets. Here are some of the best ones:

A good old fashioned “hottest wins” contest!

It doesn’t even have to be cute? It can be disgusting? In that case…

Number 3 fan?! You’re not going to get anywhere with that attitude, pal!

How exactly does she plan to get us into the VIP section? That’s probably only going to happen if they person who sells her a ticket is also a “fun attractive girl.” Just sayin….

Finally! A reasonable request.

Sounds like the date of a lifetime…

Is this the only person with some sense on Craigslist?

The post What would you be willing to do for Radiohead tickets? appeared first on Metro.us.

Hallmark has released a new line of cards specifically for that awkward
moment that comes after learning one is now unemployed. Found out your
friend got laid off but worried about sympathizing too much or too
little because you still have a job and don’t want to come across as
insensitive or out-of-touch? Send a card!

It’s easy enough to hand one over tucked neatly inside a lovely powder
blue or lavender envelope, but do unemployed people really actually want
to receive cards? Take a look at a few from the collection and
let us know what you think!

This one says “Life’s isn’t fair” (ain’t that the truth?). Inside, it
reads, “You didn’t cause this. You don’t deserve this. You simply have
to get through it. And I know you will, because I know you!”

This one offers the advice, “Don’t think of it as losing your job. Think
of it
as a time-out between stupid bosses.” Well, when you put it that
way…

There’s nothing more comforting than little cartoon animals standing in
the unemployment line…

The post ‘Sorry you lost your job’ cards: Would you want to get one? appeared first on Metro.us.

However, Gothamist makes a good point in the fact that tourists do line the pockets of NYC and maybe we should cut them some slack– especially because many people who now consider themselves New Yorkers may once have arrived to the city with big touristy eyes before falling in love with it and deciding to move here, too (like this reporter).

So maybe it’s New Yorkers who need a few etiquette pointers from tourists. Gothamist asked tourists from across the world what they wish they could tell New Yorkers and here are a few of their demands. Do you agree with any of this? Can’t we all just get along?

– Don’t roll your eyes at me when I pronounce “Houston” Street like the city in Texas.
    
– Don’t say I’m stupid for calling the subways by colors.

– Don’t tell me I’m dumb for eating at the Olive Garden—I love breadsticks!
    
– Stop talking about how you live in the greatest city in the world. We get it.
   
– Allow us to ask for directions as we will do the same for you when you come over.

Additionally, tourists offered their general impressions of New Yorkers. Brace yourselves. We have to admit, some of this is pretty accurate:

– My experience with New Yorkers is that they differ from each area. If you’re walking downtown for instance everyone is really in a work mode and not very accessible. The same applies on 5th Avenue. A lot of people walking around with their headsets on just as if they want to say: “not listening and don’t ask me anything.”

Well yeah, you might ask us for directions to Olive Garden.

– People will make any excuse to have a drink with any meal in New York—from happy hours to brunches.

Is there something unusual about this?

– New Yorkers are very exact on how you handle escalators. If you’re standing the entire time you get in the line on the right side of the escalator, leaving a clear open isle on the left side so people can walk up faster.

Everyone knows that! Standing on the “walking side” is almost worse than stopping on the sidewalk to take a picture, ugh!

Do you agree that tourists are more polite than “real” New Yorkers?

The post Do New Yorkers need etiquette tips from tourists? appeared first on Metro.us.

“We found the Department (of Justice) spent $16 on each of the 250 muffins served at an August 2009 legal conference in Washington,” said a DOJ Office of Inspector General report released on Tuesday.

The DOJ spent $121 million on conferences in fiscal 2008 and 2009, which exceeded its own spending limits and appeared to be extravagant and wasteful, according to the report that examined 10 conferences held during that period.

The review turned up the expensive muffins, which came from the Capital Hilton Hotel just blocks from the White House, as well as cookies and brownies that cost almost $10 each.

The department spent $32 per person on snacks of Cracker Jack, popcorn, and candy bars and coffee that cost $8.24 per cup at another conference, the report said.

The DOJ also spent nearly $600,000 for event planning services for five conferences, the document said.

A Justice Department spokeswoman said most of the gathering were held when there were no strict limits on food and beverage costs, adding the DOJ had taken steps since 2009 “to ensure that these problems do not occur again.”

Word of the agency’s extravagant spending drew a swift response from Capitol Hill.

Senator Chuck Grassley, the senior Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee which has oversight of the Justice Department, said the report was a blueprint for the first cuts that should be made by the “super committee” searching for at least $1.2 trillion in savings.

“Sixteen dollar muffins and $600,000 for event planning services are what make Americans cynical about government and why they are demanding change,” Grassley said in a statement. “People are outraged, and rightly so.”

The post $16 muffins and $8 coffee served in U.S. Justice audit appeared first on Metro.us.

Thanks to novelty tumblr Stocking Is The New Planking, we are now consumed by photos of people who are mimicking stock photos. Yes, that’s right– photos of people who want to appear exactly the same as people in other photos.

We are haunted by the word “why.” Why are people doing this– what is the point to it all? However, more pressing is the question: Why do we keep looking at it? Why does stocking make us chuckle aloud?

We may never know.

Just as amusing as the two photos side by side, are the captions that go along with them.

“Disheveled groggy guy with fake sleepy gaze lies around in bed.”

“Though uncertain of decision to be photographed on toilet, young man in red sneakers reads document.”

“By holding water bottle and yoga mat, model couple radiates health and wellness.”

Anyone who has ever had to search through stock images can appreciate these satirical little blurbs. That being said, humans are such peculiar creatures, aren’t we? See for yourselves.

Would go ever go stocking?

The post PHOTOS: Is stocking the new planking? appeared first on Metro.us.

The inspiration, of course, comes from a classic “Saturday Night Live” skit featuring Ana Gasteyer and Molly Shannon as boring NPR hosts of a program called  “Delicious Dish.” Their guest, Pete Schweddy, played by Alec Baldwin, lets the ladies sample his very own Schweddy balls from Season’s Eatings Bakery. Unsurprisingly, the ladies are delighted by his Schweddy balls — and now we will be, too!

The new ice cream flavor is a limited batch so make sure you grab Schweddy Balls while you still can. Alec Baldwin says he is proud that Schweddy Balls can now be enjoyed by all who desire a taste.

“For a long time, I thought that ‘Here Lies Pete Schweddy’ would end up on my tombstone,” said Baldwin. “Now, thanks to Ben & Jerry’s, the goodness of the Schweddy family recipe won’t go with me to the great beyond.”

Schweddy Balls features Fair Trade vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum, fudge covered rum balls and milk chocolate malt balls (why, what did you think Schweddy Balls would taste like?)

“It is immortalized here, right now, and it’s an ice cream,” said Baldwin. “Ben & Jerry’s and Schweddy. Two great names in American dessert, together at last.”

We don’t know about you, but we can’t wait to get our hands on Schweddy Balls!

The post Ben & Jerry’s: Get ready for Schweddy Balls appeared first on Metro.us.

The social networking site Badoo.com (yeah, we know) asked 30,000 people across 15 countries to name the coolest nationality and Americans took the #1 spot.

“We hear a lot in the media about anti-Americanism,” says Lloyd Price, Badoo’s Director of Marketing. “But we sometimes forget how many people across the world consider Americans seriously cool.”

The survey also found that the Spanish were considered the coolest Europeans and Brazilians the coolest Latin Americans. Belgians were ranked the globe’s least cool nationality, which surprises us because personally we think waffles and chocolate are really cool.

This little boost to our self-esteem comes at just the right time. America has suffered several hits lately, from turmoil on Wall Street to Hurricane Irene and wildfires in Texas to Eddie Murphy being chosen to host the Oscars. We needed this.

“America,” says Price, “boasts the world’s coolest leader, Obama; the coolest rappers, Jay-Z and Snoop Dogg; and the coolest man in technology, Steve Jobs of Apple, the man who even made geeks cool.”

We still got it, America!


The 10 coolest nationalities

1. Americans

2. Brazilians

3. Spanish

4. Italians

5. French

6. British

7. Dutch

8. Mexicans

9. Argentinians

10. Russians

The 5 least cool nationalities

1. Belgians

2. Poles

3. Turks

4. Canadians

5. Germans

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According to The Telegraph, the woman had already divorced the man, but then took him back to court demanding compensation for the absence of bedroom activity.

The 51-year-old Frenchman was fined under article 215 of France’s civil code. Identified only as Jean-Louis B, he blamed “tiredness and health problems” on his lack of libido.

Apparently, though, that’s no excuse (especially in France) because the judge ruled:

A sexual relationship between husband and wife is the expression of affection they have for each other, and in this case it was absent. By getting married, couples agree to sharing their life and this clearly implies they will have sex with each other.

Talk about getting kicked when you’re down.

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The most ludicrous one of all, spotted by the Village Voice, has since been taken off the website. But it definitely takes the cake. Sexist message aside, it’s not even really all that clever. Here’s the fastest way to turn your daughter into a narcissist.

Here’s another one to the same effect that is still for sale. Forget math, science and history! Who needs em’ when ya got boys, shopping, dancing and music?

In all fairness to J.C. Penney, some of these aren’t terrible. This one is quite comical. Heck, we might even wear it!

There’s a lot going on here. What does it all mean? Is “Peace Please” the kitten’s message to us? Or is it our message to the kitten? Curious.

Justin Beaver. We don’t even know what to say about this one.

While this shirt may inaccurately portray hamsters to actually enjoy rolling around in a ball, it’s still kind of cute. We’d wear it.

Would you buy any of these for your kid?

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“I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?”‘ Bachmann said at a campaign event in Sarasota on Sunday.

The statement has been widely criticized on the blogosphere from those who took her statement at face value, but Bachmann insists it was just a little joke.

“Of course she was saying it in jest,” Alice Stewart, spokeswoman for Bachmann’s campaign, told Reuters.

OK, fine. You can tell from the video above that it’s a joke. Bachmann’s inflection changes, the crowd laughs: she didn’t mean it. Bachmann was clearly just having a little fun with the image of herself as a God-crazy loon. Even if you’re not a fan, you should give her that right. Plenty of politicians crack jokes about themselves. And if they’re not funny — this one isn’t — that doesn’t really matter. Politicians’ jokes get graded on a curve. Mostly they get credit just for trying.

But the more interesting angle to this story is: Has Michele Bachmann entered Bill Simmons’ famous Tyson Zone, where she could say or do literally anything and you would believe she was serious? Michele Bachmann thinks supermarkets are the devil? Totally. Michele Bachmann called Kirk Cameron “a great American hero”? Of course. Michele Bachmann says her favorite band is Bachman Turner Overdrive? Probably.

If this is the case, we’re worried about her, on a personal level. Can Michele Bachmann actually joke about anything? Or should she doomed to be misunderstood the rest of her days?

The post Can Michele Bachmann joke about stuff? appeared first on Metro.us.

Some interesting finds have come out of Gaddafi’s compound, but none as
odd as a photo album filled with pictures of the former Secretary of
State. Take a look at the quality of this scrapbook! Plenty of lazy
Sunday afternoons went into this!

Gaddafi did meet Rice in Tripoli in 2008 when he was just getting back on the good side of the international community.

In a TV interview with al-Jazeera in 2007, Gaddafi gushed, “I support my darling black African woman. I admire and am
very proud of the way she leans back and gives orders to the Arab
leaders … Leezza, Leezza, Leezza. … I love her very much. I admire
her and I’m proud of her because she’s a black woman of African origin.”

And somewhere in front of a television screen, Condoleeza Rice was blushing.

Creepy crush? Or cutest couple ever?

The post PHOTOS: Is Muammar Gaddafi in love with Condoleeza Rice? appeared first on Metro.us.