There are plenty of people out there who are hoping the day of hearts will bring them the gift they want most. It is a day full of wishes, red-wrapped gifts, candy hearts and — whether you like it or not — occasional disappointment.

There is so much expectation wrapped into this one special day because we attach our significant other’s love to the gift they give us. Sometimes, that all-important item you are hoping for just isn’t sitting in the tissue paper when you open the box. So if you don’t get the present you were expecting, or if you don’t like the one you got, what can you do? Most importantly, how can you get through the day feeling better and not worse about the one you love?

This one 24-hour period carries a lot of weight for couples. Some people deal with that pressure by choosing to play it down. Maybe they are a nonconformist, or feel they don’t need a holiday to show their love. If that’s the case, try to talk about it to see where your valentine is coming from so you can better understand it.

If you are given something you don’t like, thank your partner graciously but see if there is the option of taking it back. If there is, explain why you might like something else — what’s in the box is too dressy or too bright — and then invite them along to choose something else. Use it as an opportunity to teach them about your tastes. If there is no chance for a return or exchange, be receptive. If your loved one likes the gift they gave, try to be open to their taste and you might expand your own horizons.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that Valentine’s Day is to express your love, whether or not your partner’s generosity is packaged quite the way you had hoped. No matter what you receive, remember that it’s still carrying love and you will appreciate it more — and so will your Valentine.

Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is creator of “Shrink Wrap” – a nationaly commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships — and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.

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Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, a renowned clinical psychologist and author of the popular book, “After the Affair,” recently released a second edition of the self-help book for couples. The updated edition features a section based on what she calls the “new” infidelity, which refers to online affairs.

Dr. Spring believes that the number of affairs taking place in America is “enormous” and she predicts that the issue is only going to get worse due to the amount of time people are spending online.

“The landscape has changed dramatically, people are spending hours chatting with others,” Dr. Spring says, “Partners can feel very, very betrayed by these relationships, because affairs at their core are not necessarily about sex but about secrets and the violation of trust.”

Dr. Spring suggests that couples should talk about what they’re comfortable with in terms of how they can communicate with others online.

“They have got to be explicit about what constitutes an affair,” she says. “If your partner was in the room looking over your shoulder watching what you’re watching or reading what you’re writing and they’re feeling uncomfortable, you know you’re doing something wrong.”

But what is it exactly that makes people want to have an online affair?

“You can be anyone you dream of being,” Dr. Spring says. “This experience of transcending your ordinary self, its very powerful … it’s not complicated by reality.”

 She adds that many unfaithful partners are not necessarily attracted to the person they’re communicating with, but rather how the experience makes them feel.

“It’s a great rush for the person who’s corresponding that way because it allows them to go outside of their normal self.”

But is it okay for someone to check their partners Facebook or their emails in order to uncover the truth and put a stop to the issue?

“I understand why people check, it’s human nature to check,” she says. “People want the truth and they believe they can’t get the truth from their partner.”

The post Taking cheating to the internet: The signs of online infidelity appeared first on Metro.us.

The problem is, complete independence doesn’t work in relationships—and is similarly a turn off when dating. When you aren’t willing to show any vulnerability it puts up a wall between you and anyone trying to connect with you. You come across as disengaged and robotic. 

Showing people they have the power to affect you shows the real you, and that draws people in when you’re talking about dating, and it keeps people satisfied when you’re in a relationship. People like to know they matter, especially people you’re romantically involved with. When you don’t show need, don’t rely on your partner for emotional support, or don’t express a strong desire to spend time with them, it makes them feel unwanted, unvalued, and insecure. 

I’ve counseled smart successful women who worry that their job titles or the letters after their name will drive men away. It won’t. What drives men away is any air of “I have my job, so I just don’t need you.”  Ladies, it’s okay to need both.

I’ve also worked with guarded men who are confused why the women they love feel so unhappy in the relationship.  In trying to live up to the cultural norm of the stoic self-reliant man, they have alienated their partners by seeming detached and disengaged which makes their partners feel unimportant.  When these guys take a leap of faith and show more need (that existed in the first place just wasn’t articulated), the relationships get more stable.

There is absolutely a balance between showing some need and being completely dependent on somebody else.  But don’t let the fear of being “needy” keep you from accurately gauging where that balance is. 

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At this time of the year during the holidays, doesn’t everyone in New York long for a significant other to decorate the tree, cook the turkey, and smooch under the mistletoe? (Don’t most breakups occur after Valentine’s Day?) But during July and August, also known as summer-share-in-the Hamptons season, flying solo may be the better deal, leaving open options for midnight strolls and bonfires on the beach. (Unless of course, housemates are coupled up, then a seasonal beau is a must.)
 
Yet, life doesn’t really work that way. When we’re not looking, or we want to take advantage of the fringe benefits that accompany being single, love happens. And when we’re searching high and low for our soul mate or even a Saturday night date, he or she can’t be found in the same area code — or in NYC, on the same island.
 
Long before New York became my home, I believed that I’d never find Mr. Right. Like most eligible females, I had searched for years without any long-term success. Then at 30, I’d given up completely and thought the Sisterhood was my resolve, my final destination (not the Ya-Ya Sisterhood either). I almost committed to living a life without fashion, style or Fendi shoes, forgoing the cool car and decorated house, and skipping Friday nights out with the girls at our favorite hangout for eternal days in a habit.
 
So when I stopped searching in all of the nooks and crannies of my lonely world, magically, he appeared. Or should I say, he had been there, right before my very eyes, disguised as Mr. Wrong instead of Mr. Right.
 
Mr. Right may seem like the impossible find to a single woman, because, he is. I don’t believe that ‘Mr. Rights’ exist — I stopped 15 years ago when I met my husband. My man was bald, Jewish, and outdoorsy, drove an old, dented pickup truck, and lived in an unkempt bedroom in a mutual friend’s house. (I was a tidy Catholic, an arty girl who drove a VW Jetta and preferred a full head of hair.)
 
Back in November 1997, the boy standing in front of me had none of the qualities on my short list. He was so far removed from the ‘man of my dreams’ stereotype, I overlooked a potential great guy for six months. And then luckily, something changed. I opened my eyes and he gave me a chance.
 
Do I have any regrets, missing the city experiences in Manhattan pre-marriage? Sometimes I still wish I could’ve been that single New York girl, if only for a year, just to say that I’ve been there and done that. (I certainly would have tons of good writing material as a result.)
 
But most times, I can’t say that the life of a bachelorette in the Big Apple sounds that appetizing — at least not to me.
 
Instead, I do occasionally imagine how adventurous it would’ve been to live in New York in the early 90s, either in college or as a recent graduate, with a bald, Jewish roommate named Michael who loved pickup trucks and unkempt rooms, didn’t decorate any trees, yet he built one hell of a bonfire.

For the single ladies in New York City and around the world, stop searching for Mr. Right. Mr. Wrong, on the other hand, might be well worth a second look.

For more city stories, follow me on twitter, or on Tracy’s New York Life.

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We’re reminded why we absolutely despise the dating game in “Speed Dating,” starring Jeff Ward and Emma Koenig. The film’s main characters make a show of boldly reciting lines from the unwritten and (typically) unspoken rules of dating.

It begins as the new relationship is just developing and both partners “go around in circles” about what they should do that night.

“We should waste at least 15 minutes being indecisive,” Ward says.

“I think it’s really important that the phrase ‘I’ll do whatever you want to do’ is said by each of us at least five times,” Koenig replies.

The next four minutes squeeze in just about every up and down two people can experience at the beginning of a dating relationship, from that first awkward time in bed, to the break up, to the booty calls.

Forewarning: You may have the urge to cancel your OkCupid account after watching this.

The post Short film ‘Speed Dating’ sheds light on the depressing perils of modern dating appeared first on Metro.us.

The answer is that it depends. For everyone, putting yourself out there with other people of the opposite sex and making smart conversation helps you feel desirable and confident. If, however, you are already in a relationship, then you want to make sure all that heightened sexual energy is stored up for your partner, who you will share it with later. If your relationship is solid and you feel you are being given enough one-on-one time, then a little flirting is OK. Sometimes watching your partner flirt can even give you a sense of pride.

But if it makes you feel threatened, then it might not be such a good thing. If the foundation of a relationship isn’t strong, it can increase your feelings of doubt and mistrust. The person doing the flirting might feel good, but it might make the other partner feel insecure.

If that’s the case, it’s a good time to take stock and realize that rather than looking outward, you should focus your energy inward to work on strengthening your trust. You can do this by being affectionate, complimentary and expressing your love. If you still feel uncomfortable when your partner flirts with others, it can also help to set ground rules. For example, a little conversation might be OK — but if it goes beyond that and someone offers or asks for a phone number, the answer is no.
The goal is to make flirting work as a positive rather than a negative for your relationship.

— Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is the creator of “Shrink Wrap” – national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships – and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.

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“I was looking for the same thing that anyone with a broken heart trolling the self-help aisle was,” she says. “I was looking for some actionable advice — something that sort of made sense and really explained what love was. That’s not exactly what I found. I didn’t find those ‘five ways to make him love you.’ I didn’t find any rules.”

Disappointing? Sure. Sukel says that so many factors can affect the brain’s behavior that it’s close to impossible to come up with any hard-and-fast rules of human behavior when love is involved.

“I found that our brains are plastic, love relationships are complicated even down to the cellular level and whenever you introduce all of these variables together, you get a different situation every time,” Sukel says.

But there is one bit of validation Sukel found that will be useful to any woman who has been the victim of infidelity.

“There’s this whole camp that says that men are built to cheat,” Sukel says. “That its just their evolutionary strategy, but we’ve evolved also with this huge frontal lobe and of course that’s the center of decision-making and morality. We’ve come a long way from the idea that our biology compels us. There’s always a choice.”

Q&A

Which animal is the closest to humans in terms of mating?
   
“A little rodent called the prairie vole,” Sukel says. “Not only do they pair-bond for life, but they’re also alloparentals — which means that both the moms and dads take care of the babies. They’re the best model we have to study these kinds of behaviors especially in terms of looking at the brain and what’s going on there in terms of neurochemical genetics.”

The post The science of love appeared first on Metro.us.

So what do you do when you meet a guy and even though he’s clear from the beginning that he’s not interested in getting involved in a serious relationship, the signals he gives you when you’re together tell you something else? You have a great time together, you share many things in common, you laugh a lot and the sex is fantastic. Who wouldn’t want to keep that going? Or what if he isn’t up front about it, but after a few months he shows no interest in meeting your friends and family, he won’t introduce you to his and he’s still available only one night a week, if not less? What initially seemed like a great opportunity is now suddenly starting to make you feel disappointed and needy. When you’re with him it feels great, but when you aren’t he is evasive and slow to return texts and e-mails.

Save yourself the trouble. If you are lucky enough that he is actually open about not wanting a relationship, believe him. And if he is showing you the signs that he doesn’t, then take those to heart and stop hoping for more than he is already giving you. A healthy connection grows when new building blocks are added on. If that isn’t happening, it is your signal that an block is still in place.
For all of you out there hoping to be the second Mrs. Clooney, listen up: If George says it isn’t going to happen, it probably isn’t.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.

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Do something together that’s a little scary
Nothing jump-starts romance like a little fear. “People in long relationships get really comfortable, and it’s good to shake that up — not just a little but a lot,” says Weil. “Many of the feelings we associate with falling in love throw us off balance.” So for that next date night, skip the fancy dinner and go skydiving or bungee jumping. Weil and her husband, who live in San Francisco, decided to swim to Alcatraz Island and back. “That really put us back in touch with all of those feelings, when we needed each other in a more visceral way.”

Make great sex a priority
Don’t just have sex — have earth-shaking sex. But to do that, you’ll need to have a very open and honest conversation about your turn-ons. “Don’t assume that you know, because you may not,” says Weil. “Don’t wait until the sex is stale. Talk about it. Decide you want your sex to be great and put some effort into it.” Send the kids on a playdate and do it on the bathroom sink. Fulfill a secret fantasy. Get kinky. Go have loud “hotel sex.” Whatever it takes.

Put yourself in the other’s shoes
“When you’re in a long relationship, you think you know the other person and everything they think and feel, but you don’t,” says Weil. A well-developed sense of empathy helps bring couples closer together and cuts down on petty arguments. “When you’re not understanding each other, slow down and imagine how the other person feels. Literally, role play as your partner.” You’ll find you make up quickly (makeup sex!).

Be proactive
Even happy unions have room for improvement. “Treat your emotional life the same way you treat your physical health,” says Weil. “Take preventative measures. Stay in shape. If you wait until problems escalate, they’re much harder to fix.”

The post In a long-term relationship gone stale? Reassess and keep it fresh appeared first on Metro.us.

First, is your partner your equal?: Determine his or her mate value: How desirable is this person on the mating market? Think about anything from looks to social status. When a couple pairs up, they tend to have approximately similar mating values, but discrepancies do develop over time.

“If one gets a big promotion at work, they could increase their mate value by virtue of the position.
The lower mate value person tends to be most jealous as statistically, it’s more likely the higher mate value person either having an affair or terminating the relationship,” says Buss. 

Then, identify the nature of the threat: According to Buss, men and women are equally jealous but differ in the nature of their emotion: “For a man, the sexual aspect of an infidelity poses a threat as it casts a doubt over their paternity certainty.”

Furthermore, “men place a greater premium on physical attractiveness in potential mates, so when women see their man in a sexually charged interaction with a physically more attractive woman, that can drive a women crazy.” Online relationships and even the regular use of porn also trigger jealousy in a woman.  

Take action: “Women enhance their physical appearance as a mate protection tactic whereas men redouble their efforts to fulfill their partners’ desires,” says Bass. On the flip side, “men are more physically reactive and more likely to commit crimes of passion than women,” says Buss. 

A symbol of love?

Seeing other people interested in your partner increases your perceptions of how desirable he or she is.
   
“In this sense, jealousy can be healthy, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Women sometimes intentionally evoke jealousy in their partner (men do too but women do it more) to determine how committed and in love he is or to increase the perception of how desirable she is,” he explains.

The post Truly, madly, deeply: Why do we get jealous? appeared first on Metro.us.

If one person wants to be together but the other is pulled toward something else — a scheduled appointment, a night out with friends, a quiet evening at home — the first might feel rejected and the other might then feel guilty. You might be able to avoid that if you are clear from the beginning about your boundaries.

Let them know you are excited and looking forward to spending time with them and wish you could make all these other responsibilities disappear, but both of you have things that need your individual attention. As long as you understand that, it will give you the room to do what you need to do and not feel you are neglecting your relationship. The important thing is to emphasize that choosing to do your own thing does not mean you don’t want to be together, and if the other person makes the same choice it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you.

You can be considerate and reassuring by letting each other know when you are free to spend time so that you can both make your separate plans and still preserve time to be with one another.
Ultimately, you want to honor your own needs in tandem with theirs. Hopefully, once Kirsten and Garrett settle into a routine they will be able to do just that.

— Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is creator of “Shrink Wrap” – national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships – and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages. 

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The reason so many couples do start to feel stuck in a boring routine is because there is a strong force that pulls them toward their comfort zone. This could mean staying in on a weekend night, wearing your sweatpants around the house, eating at the same restaurant repeatedly or going to a different restaurant but still ordering the same old dish. Keep in mind that the ingredient that keeps a relationship feeling fresh is change itself, because that is what brings in the new. But most people resist change since it is daunting and can make them feel anxious.

You have to find the balance between the ease of the familiar and the adventure of the unknown. You want to be able to be yourself, but you want to keep your relationship vital. In order to do that, challenge yourself to try new activities and go to new places. It’s fine to have a movie night at home in your pajamas as long as you even it out with a date night that you can both look forward to. Plan at least one occasion in the week where you take the time to look and dress special so that you feel great. That will add to your being excited and looking forward to your time together. In addition to the
experiences, you’ll have the fun of sharing and rehashing the memories they create.

An open package of bread left unattended can quickly go stale. Make sure to keep your love life frisky by giving it the attention it deserves. Brad and Angelina do it — you can, too.

— Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is creator of “Shrink Wrap” – national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships – and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide. 
Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.

The post How do you keep your romance out of a rut? appeared first on Metro.us.

Don’t react: “You have to sit with it a bit at the end of the relationship,” Urquhart says. “It’s important to not make a lot of really big decisions right away. I personally like to take a year, because you need to go through each season, each celebration and each holiday to grieve that past relationship, because you’re always reminded of what happened this time last year.”

Get a grief team: “A grief team is really important for getting over a relationship,” Urquhart explains. “Often we’ll go to a particular [friend] … for hours talking about our woes, but you can wear down your friends that way, so I recommend that you have a different person for each day of the week, because you’re going to want to talk about it a lot. Make sure those people have your best interests at heart.”
 
Get rid of the “stuff”: “Get rid of any old letters, texts or e-mails,” Urquhart says. “Maybe [he or she is] on Facebook, maybe [he or she] left a few things at your apartment. It’s important to tuck that stuff away so that you’re not looking at it every day and giving yourself visual reminders of that person.
That also opens the space up for you to replace them with pictures of your nephews and nieces and your other friends. Replace him or her with other moments in your life.”

Don’t ask about your ex: “If you’re going to parties and you’re finding that [his or her] name is always popping up, do not enter those conversations,” Urquhart says. “Don’t look to your [friends] to get information about him [or her]. You just don’t need to know.”
 
Start doing something new: “Start taking classes with a different group of people. Hang out at a new gym,” Urquhart suggests. “Go to places where you don’t know the people, because that person’s name won’t be in the dialogue. This also frees you up to start recreating yourself.”

Working out the anger
   
“It’s really important to have an angry time,” says Urquhart. “If you’re a runner, go running. Get out and hit the boxing bag. That’s a non-harmful way of getting the anger out. But also be aware of how long you’re carrying that anger. There’s nothing worse than when someone is five years out of a relationship and they’re still bitter. People can smell that a mile away, and that will hurt your next opportunity to meet somebody.”

The post Just like starting over: How to feel better after being dumped appeared first on Metro.us.

The best advice I can give you is to think outside the box. Drop your preconceived notions and go out there with a completely open mind. Everyone typically has their “type” — whether it is tall, short, brown or blond hair, conservative or free-spirited —and thus instantly screens out people who they think aren’t it.

Instead of sticking strictly to what you know you like, be open to someone new and different and give yourself a chance to discover if, in fact, you might find something attractive or appealing in a person you previously would never have given a chance. You might even discover that you like a different “type” more. By increasing your options you will greatly increase your odds.

While doing that, look for and gravitate toward the positive energy — a nice smile, those who show they’re interested by asking questions about you, considerate behavior — rather than focusing on appearance alone.

And at least as important, keep a smile on your face. That’s a green light to starting up a conversation wherever you are — on the train, in a store, at a party. All it takes for chemistry to happen is for two people to simply click, which can begin with a few words. Take the initiative and ask questions. Show interest — and see if it is returned.

The quicker you find a common ground, the faster you are on your way to a new beginning. Welcome the unknown, and see who comes your way.

— Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is the creator of “Shrink Wrap” – national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships – and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.

The post Dating: How do you meet someone? appeared first on Metro.us.

No doubt, you’ll encounter women who are simply after a good meal. Many female clients have told me they go out with a new guy several nights a week just to get a free dinner. Don’t be a victim to such gold-digging. Pay for the first date if you initiate it. No need to take someone to an expensive restaurant on a first date. The focus should be on getting to know the other person, not judging each other by how much is spent.

Subsequent dates, though, aren’t that clear-cut. A man paying for dates is deeply rooted in tradition and widely accepted social etiquette. On the other hand, dating presents an opportunity for women to assert their desire for equality and to move away from 1950s thinking. Men and women then find themselves in a bit of a conundrum. Some people might think, “If women want equal pay for equal work, then they should contribute the same across the board.” If a man asks a woman to chip in on a date, she might think he’s cheap or uninterested. If a woman offers to pay, he might think she doesn’t want anything more than a friendship. If the man accepts the woman’s offer, he might feel emasculated and she might think he’s cheap.  

If you really like her, ask her out again. If money is an issue, simply go for a drink, coffee or something affordable. Consider something that won’t break the bank, like cooking at home, an outdoor activity or watching a movie. Explain that you’re open to other activities to get to know her so long as she can contribute. If she snubs you, then you know she isn’t the girl for you. If she is open to alternative activities or chipping in, then you’ve got yourself an understanding partner who might be worth pursuing. 

–  Jonathan Alpert is a licensed psychotherapist. E-mail him your questions at jonathan@jonathanalpert.com. Find Jonathan on Facebook and Twitter, and look for his new book, BE FEARLESS: Change Your Life in 28 Days, this April.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.

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There’s no easy way to do it. In any break-up, someone gets hurt. But there are ways to maintain dignity and respect and lessen the blow. For starters, don’t make the mistake that so many people do and nurture a relationship on the side just because you’re afraid to be alone. Once you are 100 percent single, then you can consider seeing others.

Plan to meet him or her and speak in person. Relying on methods such as e-mail or telephone might seem easier for you, but not for your soon-to-be ex: Anything short of face-to-face will seem cowardly. Meet in a private place and not a public setting where the person could feel embarrassed by the news. Take responsibility and be honest. Avoid the cliche of “it’s not you, it’s me” — or any other generic explanations and be sure to provide an explanation so that he or she can move on. No matter how bad the relationship might be, avoid insults. To demonize the person will only invite retaliation and perpetuate problems. You dated for several months, so he or she can’t be that bad, right? That said, you both might benefit from mentioning a few things you do like.

Don’t try to cushion things by saying, “But we can still be friends.” A statement like that is probably more about assuaging your guilt than actually wanting to be friends, and it might provide false hope.

Finally, don’t jump right back into the dating world. Way too often people get into a new relationship because they’re afraid to be single. Don’t be that person. Instead, take some time to reflect on the past relationship and learn a little something about yourself and the type of mate you prefer.

– Jonathan Alpert is a licensed psychotherapist. E-mail him your questions at jonathan@jonathanalpert.com
Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages. 

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Researchers used 47 female undergraduates at Virginia University and showed them Facebook profiles of a group of men. The women were told some of the men had looked at the women’s Facebook profiles and given their opinion on how attractive the women were.

They were not, however, told if the men found them attractive.

This uncertainty increased the attractiveness of the men in the eyes of the women, researchers claim.

The post Study: Men should play hard to get appeared first on Metro.us.

Now more than ever, online dating — once about finding a soulmate — is evolving into a social group experience. Sites want singles to get involved in their online community, like rating others’ hotness and basing search results on who’s most active on the site.

OK Cupid, a dating site very popular with New Yorkers, encourages every user to rank others in a 1-to-5-scale hotness rating — creating an elite, user-voted echelon for the most attractive users. And on most singles sites, including Match.com, the more you scan profiles and update your own, the higher you’re ranked in search results.

Other sites, like year-old HowAboutWe.com, based in Brooklyn, encourage users to suggest dating scenarios and locations, and track which dates — and users’ ideas — are most popular.

“You have to be smart about it,” said relationship consultant Donna Dudek, who hosts online dating workshops. She told Metro the game keeps changing, and keeping a fresh and interesting profile online is more critical than ever.

Raise your profile

Here are Metro’s hints for improving your rankings on dating sites. Think of it as SEO for singles listings.

1 Refresh the information on your profile. You may have spent 30 hours on that 30-minute blurb, but it’s likely stale. Use active verbs, jazzy adjectives.

2 Suggest different dates. On HowAboutWe.com, the busiest daters are those that suggest funky outings. Think: “Let’s test the aphrodisiacs of chocolate plus wine” — versus just: “Let’s grab a drink.”

3 Highlight your weirdness. OK Cupid suggests that quirky profile pics get more attention. “If you’re a little chubby, play it up,” said site blogger Christan Rudder.

4 Vary key words. On Match.com, relationship consultant Donna Dudek searched “ecstasy,” and got just one New York man. Strange descriptions or interests – think trapeze, kayaking – will narrow your matches.

5 Profile pics are more important than ever. “If you’re wearing your turtleneck or what you wore to grandma’s house, you might be looking to attract a homebody,” said Dudek.

The post Improving your Valentine’s Day odds appeared first on Metro.us.

“There’s an ability to immediately see somebody but not have to stick around for long conversations and emotional intimacy,” says Meriwether. “People are always available, but they don’t always have the time to commit.”

Meriwether penned “No Strings Attached,” starring Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman. She was initially inspired to write it because of the disconnect she saw between rom-coms and what was going on around her, where, she says, “rather than ending with a kiss, it starts with a kiss.”

In the film, the two lead characters hope to have a sex-only friendship, but it inevitably gets messy. Meriwether suggests that the ideal “no strings attached” arrangement isn’t possible.

“It sounds like a great idea, but often in real life, some person does get hurt because there is something inherently emotional about a physical relationship,” she  says. “You can’t really disconnect the two, but it would be great if we could.”

Sex messages

Meriwether offers her guide for what each kind of communication means to your dating life:

» Phone call: “When I get a phone call, I think it’s an emergency. I don’t expect people to actually call me,” says Meriwether. “I see the phone call as ‘Oh my God, what’s wrong. He’s calling.’”
» Facebook friending: “Facebooking to me is more putting your toe in the water. I would never want to actually be asked out on Facebook,” she says. “It feels like that’s what you do to figure out if there’s a possibility of something happening.”
» Texting: “I think that’s the sexy, flirty way of talking to somebody, because you know that the phone is always near them,” says Meriwether.

The post Can ‘No Strings’ actually work? appeared first on Metro.us.

So what, exactly, is in a kiss?

This is the subject of Sheril Kirshenbaum’s new book, “The Science
of Kissing.” In it, the native New Yorker explores everything that goes
on between our lips — from the hormones to the history.

“Kissing is a powerful experience,” said Kirshenbaum. “It engages
all the senses: Scent, taste and touch are all sending information to
our bodies as to whether it’s a good match or not. It’s nature’s
ultimate litmus test.”

Sara Forbes, curator of the Museum of Sex in Manhattan, told Metro: “A kiss is something deep.

It’s the beginning of the sexual self.”

New Yorkers, however, don’t quite understand the impact of a kiss.

“People are in a hurry in every aspect of their life,” said
psychotherapist Jon­athan Alpert. “Based on my practice, romance and
intimacy is often lost; the art of foreplay is skipped over. Kissing, in
many ways, is more intimate than sex.”

By the numbers

14% of women would have sex with someone they had not kissed

36% of men will kiss a  prostitute’s body

66% of people tilt their head to the right when kissing

The post Exploring when it’s not just a kiss appeared first on Metro.us.