I’ve been with my boyfriend for eight months and we have a good relationship. The other night, though, I was at a party without him and got drunk and flirted with another woman. One thing led to the next and we had sex. I haven’t told my boyfriend about it and I haven’t talked to the woman again. I know guys think it’s hot to see two women together, but I just don’t know if I should tell him what happened. I feel really guilty and confused. What should I do?

For a moment, imagine your boyfriend is out at a party. He’s getting drunk, starts flirting with another guy, and then one thing leads to the next and he has sex with the guy. Ask yourself: Are you OK with that? Do you consider that cheating? My guess is you’re not OK with it and it violates a trust you’ve established over the past eight months. After that many months of dating, there’s most likely an understanding — spoken or not — of exclusivity. If you’ve participated in such an activity and aren’t comfortable disclosing it to your man, then it’s cheating.

Think about the impact telling will have on him. Although honesty is usually the best policy, if this truly is a one-time experience, then why upset him? Consider dropping the matter and moving on. Do know, though, if he ever asks if you’ve cheated, you’ll have to disclose this indiscretion — because keeping a secret will force you to barricade a part of yourself and interfere with intimacy.

Finally, if this only occurred because of the alcohol, then lay off the booze. But consider the possibility that subconsciously you’ve got same-sex tendencies that came out because your inhibitions were reduced while under the influence.

If you are indeed confused about your sexuality, do yourself and him a favor and end the relationship. Don’t maintain one relationship for stability while exploring other options.

Jonathan Alpert is a licensed psychotherapist. His book, “Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days,” is available now. E-mail him your questions at jonathan@jonathanalpert.com

The post Dating: I cheated at a party, what do I do now? appeared first on Metro.us.

Throughout the ‘Fifty Shades’ trilogy, the main protagonists, Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey have “ridiculous, off the hook sex” every other day, Kristen James, the fitness trainer behind the ‘50 Shapes Workout’ tells Metro.

“I kept hearing women say, ‘who has the stamina or the flexibility for that kind of sex? It wasn’t ‘what are they doing?!’ but ‘how are they doing it?!’ Anastasia wasn’t just on her back. She was contorted all over the place.”

But that’s fiction. According to James, women are exhausted. “They don’t have enough stamina in the bedroom. They’re thinking, ‘He wants me to get on top…I’ll do it to make him happy and then I can go to sleep’.” James wanted her workout to help women look and feel better. “You should never have to turn the lights off during sex. I want them to develop the strength and confidence to reenact the crazy positions described in the books.”

THE 50 SHAPES WORKOUT

The Pilates based exercises are designed to help you execute moves from the book. “The better you feel about your physical appearance, the more empowered and able you are to pleasure yourself and your partner,” says James. “Over time, the workout will create long, limber muscles and help you bend over in a pair of really high heels…”

Seductive Squats: Stand with your feet wider than hip width apart and turn your toes out 45 degrees. With a neutral spine, elevate up onto your toes and lower your hips down to knee height. As you return up, perform one Kegel contraction.

Bend Over Better: Stand with your feet hip width apart, toes facing forward. Soften your knees. With your back flat, extend forward touching your toes. As you rise, elevate up onto your toes and extend your arms overhead.

Lusty Lunges: Stand with your feet wider than hip width apart and your toes facing forward. Lunge to the side deeply into one leg being sure to sit back into your glutes as you descend. Reach for your toe with the opposite hand as you other arm reaches overhead allow-
ing for some rotation to your spine. Alternate side to side to complete the set.

Corkscrews: Assume the plank position, being sure to line up your shoulders with your wrists. With your feet hip width apart, start bringing one knee into your chest, and rotate your torso.

Passion Push-ups: Push-ups can be done either on your toes or on your knees for this exercise. Move your hands in closer than shoulder width apart, and rotate your thumbs inward creating a diamond shape with your hands. Perform one single pushup, and then sit
back to your heels to stretch, continue until you complete a set of ten, stretching back after each one.

Risqué Rotations: Seated on the floor, tilt your tailbone under creating a “C” shape in your spine from your breast bone to your pubic bone. Bring your hands into the “prayer” position. Reach back, one hand at a time behind you. Brace your core as if it was a box and you have to squeeze all four sides of it as you rotate and reach back. Alternate hands to complete the set.

Dirty Diamonds: Lie on your back with your legs extended up overhead at 90 degrees. Allow only your heels to touch, extending your toes out to a 45-degree angle. Lower your knees and allowing them to drop out to your side as low as they can go. As you extend them back
up to the ceiling, lift your tailbone straight up contracting your abs – be sure to perform one strong Kegel at the top of every movement.

Here’s what it will help you achieve:

Long and loose hamstrings

Many of us have limited range in motion in our hamstrings (the group of tendons contracted by four posterior thigh muscles) because of the amount of time we spend sat down, either at our desk, on the couch or driving. “If you’re lying down on your back having sex and you can’t put your legs up in the air or spread them open because your hamstrings are so short, then you need to do moves that will extend them and improve your flexibility,” says James. The ‘sexy scissor’ move is designed
to lengthen and stretch you out.

A strong core

With age, women they tend to hold body fat around the mid section. The stomach area is what women dread the most, explains James, but doing moves that work your core will tighten things up. “A man likes to grab on to a nice cushy bum. Not a flabby tummy. Develop your core strength here (abs, obliques, lower back) and everything becomes much easier to execute,” she adds. Your abs will be fire by the time you’re done with the workout.

A taut pelvic floor

Kegel exercises will intensify your orgasms, says James. “After childbirth, the muscle down there is all stretched out and women may become a little less ‘sensitive’. Your pelvic floor is a muscle. If you strengthen it by doing kegels, it will get so tight and taut so that when you do reach climax- sensations will be 10 times more powerful.” Get started by doing three sets of 10 James’ Seductive Squats a day.

Toned legs & bum

Doing the lusty ‘Lusty Lunges’ will target the little pockets of cellulite that tend to appear on the side of the thighs. The ‘Bend Over Better’ move will tighten your glutes, meaning your bum will look great naked. Stick to the workout for 30 minutes, three times a week for “a better, bolder sex life.”

To purchase the “50 Shapes” workout, click here.

What to avoid

Food and drink that are NOT sex friendly

•Wheat and any other refined carbohydrates (pizza, cake-all the white flour based tasty stuff). They will make your belly bloat.
•Salad. Bet you get all smug when you order salad on a date, thinking you’re being super healthy. Unfortunately, raw fruit and vegetables tend to make us gassy. Aim for minimum roughage. Maybe go for a piece of fish and some asparagus.
* Alcohol. In the book, Anastasia Steele is always drinking- which is fine, but too much of it will numb your sexual response. One glass of wine is enough to heighten your senses.

The post The 50 Shapes Workout: ‘Everybody wants to have better sex’ appeared first on Metro.us.

“You claim to be a player but I f***ed your wife.” – Tupac Shakur

The above is the most simple, yet effective rap/song insult in the history of writing rap/song insults. Watching “Tupac: The last 24 hours” last night on Current TV (yes the network still exists and yes, the John Belushi ’24′ is fantastic as well), I was reminded that you can never be 100 percent honest about people within your own industry 100 percent of the time. For instance, I could write “I heard that (insert name) from the Boston Globe is the laziest bastard going” or “(insert name) from the Boston Herald doesn’t watch a second of the actual game when he covers Celtics games – he simply plows through the free buffet and then proceeds to kiss the largest amount of athlete ass you’ve ever seen, only to get a C-minus quote.”

You might whisper about such things within an industry and once in a while drop some hints, but to ALWAYS flat-out say these things in a public forum? That’s a recipe for ostracism but more likely, death.

Rapper Lil’ Wayne is treading on thin ice these days. With hip-hop and the NBA tighter than ever (Nick Cannon is apparently the Pat O’Brien of today’s league, right down to the embarrassing voicemails), Lil’ Wayne needs to know better than to blatantly say in a public forum that he had sex with the wife of the third best player on the league’s world champion.

After leading an audience in chants of “F*** the NBA!” and “F*** the Miami Heat” this past weekend, Lil’Wayne pulled a Tupac:
“Let them n****** know I’m from the streets,” he said. “Ain’t no Twitter beef. Take it to the f***ing streets. Fuck all them n******. F*** Lebron [James]! F*** She-Wade! F*** Chris Bosh….And I f***ed Chris Bosh’s wife!”

(Click here to watch video)

The Miami Heat organization put in a request to the league to ban Lil’ Wayne from performing at NBA events, according to the rapper. Of course the league may have just decided that things got a little too strange with Wayne during last year’s All-Star activities and simply decided to not invite him back.

Either way, the next time Lil’ Wayne shows up in the stands at American Airlines Arena, you can bet that ABC’s conservative cameras won’t find him.

Follow Metro Boston sports editor Matt Burke on Twitter @BurkeMetroBOS

The post Playing the Field: Lil Wayne, Adrienne Williams-Bosh story could get nasty appeared first on Metro.us.

Jennifer Lawrence is now a Golden Globe-winning actress, but she’ll be celebrating solo, as Lawrence and “X-Men: First Class” co-star Nicholas Hoult have reportedly called it quits, according to Us Weekly. The young stars met on the set of the superhero film and dated for two years. The split comes as a surprise, as Lawrence was singing Hoult’s praises recently to Elle magazine. “He is honestly my best friend, and hopefully I’m his best friend, too,” she told the magazine. “He’s my favorite person to be around and he makes me laugh harder than anybody.”

Consider this fair warning, Harry Styles. In the wake of her split from the One Direction member, Taylor Swift posted this ominous message to her Twitter account: “Back in the studio. Uh oh…” Swift has made a career of penning autobiographical tunes of heartbreak, often embarrassing ex-boyfriends like John Mayer and Jake Gyllenhaal. And a Styles number may be a doozy, as Swift was reportedly left heartbroken by the Brit, who dumped her during a Caribbean vacation because he said she’s “asexual and wouldn’t put out,” a source tells Radar Online.

Josh Brolin doesn’t pull any punches when discussing his rough-and-tumble youth as the son of actor James Brolin, telling Men’s Journal that he lost his virginity at 11, joined a surf gang called the Cito Rats and even got involved with heroin. “I was the last [gang member] to get into heroin — I smoked it — and the first to get out. I was around 16 or 17, so it was around the time of ‘the Goonies,’” Josh tells the magazine. “But I liked working and learning, so it was very difficult for me to lend myself to that drug completely.”

We now know when to expect a royal birth announcement, as Prince William and Kate Middleton‘s first child is due this summer, St. James Palace announced. “Their Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are delighted to confirm they are expecting a baby in July,” the statement reads. “The Duchess’s condition continues to improve since her stay in hospital last month.” As the statement says, the “baby” is due in July, so those hoping for royal twins will be disappointed.

The post Monday gossip roundup: Josh Brolin lost his virginity at age 11 appeared first on Metro.us.

Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, a renowned clinical psychologist and author of the popular book, “After the Affair,” recently released a second edition of the self-help book for couples. The updated edition features a section based on what she calls the “new” infidelity, which refers to online affairs.

Dr. Spring believes that the number of affairs taking place in America is “enormous” and she predicts that the issue is only going to get worse due to the amount of time people are spending online.

“The landscape has changed dramatically, people are spending hours chatting with others,” Dr. Spring says, “Partners can feel very, very betrayed by these relationships, because affairs at their core are not necessarily about sex but about secrets and the violation of trust.”

Dr. Spring suggests that couples should talk about what they’re comfortable with in terms of how they can communicate with others online.

“They have got to be explicit about what constitutes an affair,” she says. “If your partner was in the room looking over your shoulder watching what you’re watching or reading what you’re writing and they’re feeling uncomfortable, you know you’re doing something wrong.”

But what is it exactly that makes people want to have an online affair?

“You can be anyone you dream of being,” Dr. Spring says. “This experience of transcending your ordinary self, its very powerful … it’s not complicated by reality.”

 She adds that many unfaithful partners are not necessarily attracted to the person they’re communicating with, but rather how the experience makes them feel.

“It’s a great rush for the person who’s corresponding that way because it allows them to go outside of their normal self.”

But is it okay for someone to check their partners Facebook or their emails in order to uncover the truth and put a stop to the issue?

“I understand why people check, it’s human nature to check,” she says. “People want the truth and they believe they can’t get the truth from their partner.”

The post Taking cheating to the internet: The signs of online infidelity appeared first on Metro.us.

The problem is, complete independence doesn’t work in relationships—and is similarly a turn off when dating. When you aren’t willing to show any vulnerability it puts up a wall between you and anyone trying to connect with you. You come across as disengaged and robotic. 

Showing people they have the power to affect you shows the real you, and that draws people in when you’re talking about dating, and it keeps people satisfied when you’re in a relationship. People like to know they matter, especially people you’re romantically involved with. When you don’t show need, don’t rely on your partner for emotional support, or don’t express a strong desire to spend time with them, it makes them feel unwanted, unvalued, and insecure. 

I’ve counseled smart successful women who worry that their job titles or the letters after their name will drive men away. It won’t. What drives men away is any air of “I have my job, so I just don’t need you.”  Ladies, it’s okay to need both.

I’ve also worked with guarded men who are confused why the women they love feel so unhappy in the relationship.  In trying to live up to the cultural norm of the stoic self-reliant man, they have alienated their partners by seeming detached and disengaged which makes their partners feel unimportant.  When these guys take a leap of faith and show more need (that existed in the first place just wasn’t articulated), the relationships get more stable.

There is absolutely a balance between showing some need and being completely dependent on somebody else.  But don’t let the fear of being “needy” keep you from accurately gauging where that balance is. 

The post Dating: Go ahead and get needy appeared first on Metro.us.

Urszula Jankowska, 33, is charged with criminal sex act, forcible touching and endangering the welfare of a child, according to the NYPD.

The student reportedly told a school counselor that she carried on a three-year “intimate relationship” with Jankowska, beginning in 2008 when she was 13-years-old, according to the New York Daily News.

Jankowska was arrested while at work as an English teacher at Williamsburg High School for Architecture and Design in Brooklyn. She is currently suspended from her job.

The post Urszula Jankowska: Teacher busted for allegations of sexual relationship with student appeared first on Metro.us.

Germany is one of the last European countries to tolerate the practice, which has been legal since 1969. It hosts a thriving zoophile community, which has reacted angrily to the law change.

“There are already laws against hurting an animal, but there is no harm from what we do,” Michael Kiok, head of the Zoophile Engagement for Tolerance and Information (ZETA) group, told Metro. “Animals can show if they want to have sex or not, as they can show if they are hungry or want to exercise.”

Kiok, who is in a relationship with his Alsatian dog, claims to represent thousands of zoophiles and says they will campaign to stop the law. “We want to inform the public that we are not cruel, we see animals as equal to people, and we want to stop the hate.”

However, animal rights groups claim the practice is out of control. “The issue has become so public and inhibitions fall,” Astrid Behr, head of the German Association of Veterinarians, told Metro, indicating the growth of popular websites and forums, although she could not confirm the existence of rumored ‘pet brothels’.

Behr denies that bestiality would be a victimless crime: “Perpetrators go unpunished, but sexual acts with animals are always associated with great physical and psychological injury.”

The amendment is expected to be finalized in December, and offenders could face a 25,000 Euro fine. 

Q+A with Michael Kiok, 52, librarian and head of ZETAs

Q: You claim to defend consensual sex with animals – how can they consent?

A: It’s simple. If you know your pet, you can know if it wants to have sex or not. Animals can communicate their needs.

Q: How can you have a relationship with an animal?

A: You can’t go out for dinner together! It’s like a normal relationship with a pet where you look after it but the difference is that you regard the animal as on the same level and you don’t want to dominate.

Q: How do you cope with the abuse?

A: People come from all over Germany to protest at my house, and there is a lot of hate on the Internet. I try to understand why – I think it is because people see animals as children. There is a lot of pressure, many zoophiles have depression or even commit suicide. But I have never been attracted to people and my situation now (with Alsatian Cessy) is the best possible.

FACTS

Still legal in…

Denmark  – The government resisted a 2006 campaign to ban bestiality.
Sweden – The Animal Welfare Agency wants to update abuse laws but is not calling for a ban.
Thailand – No laws on bestiality but you can be fined for “subduing a female dog”.

The post Bestiality banned in Germany, zoophile speaks out appeared first on Metro.us.

Kevin Clash, who provides the puppet’s famous voice, has admitted that he had a relationship with the young man, now 23, but insisted it happened after he was 18, according to TMZ. The young man has met with Sesame Workshop lawyers a couple of times, but eventually hired Andreozzi and Associates — a firm that represented one of Jerry Sandusky’s victims. The firm is going after Sesame Workshop for trying to stonewall Clash’s accuser in order to protect Elmo’s spotless reputation.

But Sesame Workshop is backing up Clash, insisting a thorough investigation of the claims produced no real evidence that a sexual relationship took place before the young man was of legal age.

Clash told TMZ, “I had a relationship with [the accuser].  It was
between two consenting adults and I am deeply saddened that he is trying
to make it into something it was not.”

Sesame officials did say Clash has been disciplined for inappropriate use of work email to communicate with the accuser, though the exchange did not indicate he engaged in underage sex.

As for Elmo, Sesame officials said the puppet, which is “bigger than any one person,” is not joining Clash on the leave of absence and will continue to appear on the show.

The post Kevin Clash: Voice of Elmo takes leave of absence after underage sex allegations appeared first on Metro.us.

Music psychologist Dr. Daniel Müllensiefen, from Goldsmiths, University of London, discovered that music was a key element of the seduction game and consequently, how successful you are in the bedroom. The playlist you listen to in the moments leading to and during sex is crucial. A staggering 40 percent of people admitted that the music they listened to during sex was more arousing than the touch or feel of their partner.

TIME OF YOUR LIFE

Although both sexes favored songs that were happy and tender, men tend to make more of an effort to adjust to the taste of their date in order to ensure success in the bedroom. This could explain why the soundtrack from the iconic ’80s romantic movie, “Dirty Dancing,” was voted as best for sex. This is because it’s not just the music that’s important, but what it is that we associate the songs. 

Dr. Müllensiefen observed: “Music activates emotional pleasure centers in the brain—the same areas that are activated when we have sex or take drugs. If you have a sound track to a film that as a whole is associated with romance, flirt and sex that might work for the entire sexual episode. Listening to the soundtrack unconsciously re-ignites the feelings we experienced whilst watching the film.”

“So just put the CD in and let it play,” he adds. “The passionate emotions we feel when we see the love scenes in a film get encoded together with the music, almost like a conditioned experience.”

The vocals

But it’s not just what we associate the song with that’s important in the bedroom- individual vocals are too: “People have a sort of emotional intelligence with music,” explains Dr. Müllensiefen. “When it comes to getting in the mood for sex, people tend to go for relaxed songs with little use of vocal vibrato and with a greater dynamic range, a high chest voice, a raspiness in the voice, such as Marvin Gaye’s ‘Sexual Healing’ (the number one track to get in the mood for sex) and Barry White’s ‘Anything’ (third best),” says Dr. Müllensiefen.

So fire up that Spotify playlist, doc. Let’s get it on.

A good rhythm and hot body
 
Although Dr. Müllensiefen’s study found music to be more important than physique in the bedroom, never don’t dismiss the motivational power a song when it comes to exercise, fitness guru and Madonna’s personal trainer Nicole Winhoffer tells Metro:  “Music is a way for the mind to escape,” she says. “When people are out dancing with their friends, they’re so enthusiastic. But when they get to the gym it’s the complete opposite, and it shouldn’t be like that. You’re working out for your body and you should always dedicate the same amount of energy.

“Without music,” she adds, “you’ll need to find your internal motivation from moving, but most people don’t have the power to do that. It can also help you dig out emotions such as anger, frustration or anxiety.”

Once you tune your mind to the beat, your body will follow says Winhoffer:  “Fast music with a heavy base and a repetitive rhythm helps the body flow and go along with the beat. If you’re doing cardio and want to get your heart rate going, choose a song- preferably electro, techno, hip hop or RnB- that’s between 125-130 bpm (beats per minute).” 

TOP 3 MUSIC PLAYLISTS

Top 10 tracks for the Gym (128-140bpm)

1.Rihanna: Umbrella
2.Push It: Salt n Peppa
3.Kylie Minogue: Red Blooded Woman
4.Britney Spears: Womanizer
5.PSY: Gangnam Style
6.Kanye West & Jay-Z: H.A.M.
7.Mariah Carey: We Belong Together
8.Madonna: Turn Up The Radio
9.Missy Elliot: Work it
10.The Police: Roxanne
SOURCE: Personal trainer Nicole Winhoffer

Top 10 tracks to get ‘in the mood’ for sex

1.    Marvin Gaye: Sexual Healing
2.    Marvin Gaye: Let’s Get It On
3.    Barry White: Anything
4.    Serge Gainsbourg: Je T’aime
5.    Kings of Leon: Sex on Fire
6.    Hot Chocolate: You Sexy Thing
7.    Ravel: Bolero
8.    Boyz To Men: I’ll Make Love To You
9.    Chris De Burgh: Lady in Red
10.  R Kelly: Bump & Grind
SOURCE: SPOTIFY

Top 10 tracks to play during sex

1.    Dirty Dancing: Anything from the soundtrack
2.    Marvin Gaye: Sexual Healing
3.    Ravel: Bolero
4.    Berlin: Take My Breath Away
5.    Barry White: Anything from his collection
6.    Marvin Gaye: Let’s Get It On
7.    Righteous Brothers: Unchained Melody
8.    Celine Dion: Titanic Soundtrack / My Heart Will Go On
9.    Serge Gainsbourg: Je T`aime
10.  Whitney Houston: I Will Always Love you

SOURCE: SPOTIFY

The post How cheesy music can lead to great sex appeared first on Metro.us.

This year’s hot erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey” put a spotlight on dominant-submissive sexual relationships and the ins and outs of BDSM, and real-life dominatrixes have been reaping the benefits of the book’s popularity.

We caught up with local dominatrix Mistress Chocolate in between her “training” sessions. At size 18, she prides herself as “New York’s premier black Amazon goddess.” She told Metro her unique size and shape have set her popularity on fire and helped to earn her a hefty income by calling the shots with men, women and couples looking to be dominated.

The 47-year-old wasn’t always in this line of work — she used to work in IT before losing her job during the recession. She is currently studying biomedicine at a prominent local university, but she has no plans to hang up the paddle anytime soon.

Metro: Have you noticed an increase in business since the release of “Fifty Shades of Grey”?

Mistress Chocolate: I feel that ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ helped me immensely. When people ask me if I read ‘Fifty Shades,’ I’m like, ‘I am Fifty Shades.’ 

How would you describe your job?

Domination from a woman’s perspective is exploring eroticism or alternative lifestyles of what the other individual wants, without judgement. I do bondage, I do golden or brown showers, I do sissy training. That’s when a person comes to me and they aren’t a cross-dresser, but they like to feel women’s lingerie. It’s part of the humiliation — I’m forcing you to wear those panties, so if you didn’t like them before, get used to it.

How did you become a dominatrix?

I started domination as a student in Fordham in 1999. I was in the legal
industry as secretary for 20 years, then I did conversions on software
applications, then I started doing IT help desk work. I lost my job in
2008. I went back to school for nursing and it was an income issue for
me. My ex-husband told me about it. I think we had a dominate-submissive
relationship. He came to me and said, ‘What do you think about beating
someone while you are having sex?’ At first I thought he was crazy, but
then I started doing research. He bought me my first outfit. He did my Web page, he did my pictures. He was sick of me yelling and told me to
go yell at someone else. I loved it. I’m a spoiled brat, I got my way.

What kind of personality does it take to do what you do?

You have to be nonjudgmental, you can’t be hurting the person. Be sure of who you are because [clients] will try to top you. They will challenge your authority. You have to figure out whether they are trying to do it to get reprimanded or trying to take control slowly. If you are a dominatrix, you are on top. If I have to keep talking to you, then I am stopping. I’m not a mama.

What’s the earning potential for someone in your line of work?

I set up a business, I take credit cards. I had a bigger influx at that time I started than I do now. I can make $6,000 in a month with live sessions, out calls, webcams and phone sessions. If I just did domination with live clients, it would be $2,000. I charge $200 to $300 per hour for live sessions.

Do you tell your friends or family what you do?

My mate now knows, but no one in school knows. I did talk about it once when [my classmates] were talking about ‘Fifty Shades,’ but at the end of the day, it’s not accepted by society. And I do a lot of volunteer stuff, and they don’t need to know where the money is coming from.

Any weird stuff happen on the job?

I had once a guy from the Clinton administration. You don’t know what you’re going to run into.

Some ask me if they can wear blankets. How am I going to beat you and spank you if you’re covered up? You are here to do what I want. We have negotiation meetings, screenings, we talk about medical issues, circulation, whether they can get marked. And I use a safe word.

The post Mistress Chocolate: An interview with a New York City dominatrix appeared first on Metro.us.

Chris Evans and Minka Kelly have reportedly begun dating again, rekindling their romance that flickered briefly in 2007, according to Us Weekly. “She did a number on him back then,” a source says. “But she reached out to Chris this time.” In the meantime, the actress dated New York Yankees star Derek Jeter from 2008 to 2011. While the pair have reportedly been hitting the town in Boston and New York in the past month, Evans’ friends hope he takes it slow: “He’s still a little insecure, so he’s being cautious,” a pal tells the magazine.

Michael Jackson was reportedly a mess during preparations for his “This Is It” tour in the weeks leading up to his death, according to 250 pages of emails between executives for AEG, the tour’s backer, obtained by the L.A. Times. “MJ is locked in his room drunk and despondent,” AEG’s Randy Phillips writes. “I [am] trying to sober him up.” Phillips’ attempts to get the singer to work apparently didn’t go well: “I screamed at him so loud the walls are shaking,” he writes. “He is an emotionally paralyzed mess riddled with self-loathing and doubt now that it is show time.”

Justin Bieber‘s tattoo addiction continues, as the 18-year-old singer debuted his latest work, a small crown on his chest, in a shirtless photo on Twitter. Bieber’s other numerous tattoos include a portrait of Jesus on one leg and a pair of praying hands on the other, the Hebrew word for Jesus on his ribcage and the word “believe” on his forearm. The crown marks Bieber’s seventh tattoo. He also took the chance to tease himself for posting so many topless photos of himself on Twitter, writing, “I’m thinking to myself ‘wow really justin 3 shirtless pics in 3 days’ who do I think I am a young [Mark Wahlberg]?”

The post Monday gossip roundup: Seal says Heidi Klum ‘fornicated with the help’ appeared first on Metro.us.

After racy nude photos of Prince Harry surfaced (and rumors that a video will, too) from inside a Las Vegas hotel suite, the latest whispers indicate there was much, much more going on in that room than a harmless game of strip billiards.

Radar Online reports the prince was joined that night by a bevvy of hookers and a well-known cocaine dealer.

“A really good friend of mine is a cocaine dealer and texted me from the hotel room while the party was happening and said, ‘Guess where I am?!?’” a source told the gossip site. “Turns out he was in the Wynn suite with Harry, his pals and all those girls.”

The source said his or her coke-dealing friend would not reveal whether Prince Harry himself was dabbling in the drug, but an eyewitness said plenty of people in the suite were getting high.

“Some people were snorting cocaine. Some were already rolling on shrooms (hallucinogenic mushrooms) when they arrived at the party, and some were just high on weed. And that’s exactly why no one there has come forward on the record, they don’t want to be implicated for any illegal activities.”

Luckily, Prince Harry still has the support of thousands of naked people all over the world. And hey — we’re still waiting on that video!

The post Did Prince Harry’s Vegas rager include hookers and cocaine? appeared first on Metro.us.

While BDSM enthusiasts tell Metro they have definitely seen more newcomers to the underground sex scene,
newly released statistics by adult entertainment site YouPorn show New
Yorkers are most exploring their kinky curiosities in the privacy of
their own homes.

According to the numbers, searches for BDSM-related porn on the site are up worldwide, likely due to the explosion of popularity for the erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

But here in New York, we’re searching that kind of porn with the largest spike, at an 89.7 percent increase from April to June of 2012, compared to a worldwide increase of 67 percent, according to YouPorn.

“New Yorkers spanked the competition,” YouPorn said of the statistics.

A spokesman for the site said they were able to compile the data using analytic software that could tell which geographic area searches came from.

The news doesn’t come as a surprise to people who are embedded in New York’s kinky community.

“There has been an uptick on the scene, but you are seeing way more people doing it from home,” Bo Blaze, who has been active in New York’s BDSM scene for more than 20 years, told Metro. “I would attribute it mostly to New York being an awesome, kinky town, and people here are curious.”

New Yorkers are searching for the terms “sex slave” and “master” more than ever, with a 109.2 percent increase and 113.82 percent increase, respectively. The rest of the world is searching for that type of porn, but only at a 78.96 percent and 71.91 percent increase.

The master-slave relationship takes a front seat in the wildly popular “Fifty Shades,” which could explain the recent interest.

“No book sells 32 million copies without a cultural shift happening, and New York leads that,” Blaze said.

Guy Sanders, a spokesman for the Eulenspiegel Society — New York’s oldest BDSM group, which promotes sexual liberation for adults — agreed, adding that the city has historically served as a pioneer when it comes to sexuality.

“The gay pride movement really took force in New York,” Sanders said. “New Yorkers are progressive sexually and open sexually and have a tendency to lead the way.”

Other terms that porn viewers in New York are searching for at a higher increase compared to the rest of the world include “domination” and “sadism.”

Will New Yorkers experiment more?

BDSM enthusiasts told Metro the increase in kinky porn searches could translate into more New Yorkers wanting to experiment with those kind of sexual exploits in real life. Still, they predict the majority of people who enjoy BDSM porn will keep it at a viewing level, rather than a participation level.

“It’s definitely going to trickle down, but it will take a while,” Blaze said. “It’s going to take telling people that there are safe, sane, consensual places where you can learn and you don’t even have to do anything.”

“I think that some will [eventually participate],” Sanders said. “But you always find that people watch things that they would never do. People like watching gang bangs, but they never really think about doing it themselves.”

YouPorn statistics on BDSM-related searches

Worldwide

New York

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Holmes, 24, had profiles on both the dating website Match.com and the casual sex website Adult Friend Finder.

One woman told TMZ she was horrified to find that Match had suggested she connect with Holmes on Friday afternoon, just hours after he was arrested for the massacre during a midnight premier of “The Dark Knight Rises.”

The photo on his Match profile shows Holmes with the same dyed red hair he had during the shooting. In his profile, he lists himself as agnostic with “middle of the road” political views. Under favorite movies, Holmes wrote, “Too many good movies to have a
favorite, maybe Dumb and Dumber, Hachiko, Star Wars, etc.” He said his
favorite book is “Where’s Waldo?”

Holmes’ profile states he definitely wants kids. 

“You should message me if you’re interested, obviously. Or lookin’ for sexy times. Very nice!,” Holmes said in his profile, along with “Will you visit me in prison?”

The woman, Diana, who was matched with Holmes said it was “pretty scary getting matched to a mass murderer.”

Holmes also tried to reach out to three women on Adult Friend Finder before the shooting, and was reportedly rejected by all of them. One woman who said Holmes was “just looking to maybe chat … nothing sexual” told TMZ she didn’t respond to him because she just wasn’t that into him.

Holmes indicated in his profile that he was looking for casual sex, and possibly group sex.

In his first appearance in court this morning, Holmes sat expressionless,  except for brief moments when he closed his eyes. He will be formally charged in the shooting on July 30.

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We’re reminded why we absolutely despise the dating game in “Speed Dating,” starring Jeff Ward and Emma Koenig. The film’s main characters make a show of boldly reciting lines from the unwritten and (typically) unspoken rules of dating.

It begins as the new relationship is just developing and both partners “go around in circles” about what they should do that night.

“We should waste at least 15 minutes being indecisive,” Ward says.

“I think it’s really important that the phrase ‘I’ll do whatever you want to do’ is said by each of us at least five times,” Koenig replies.

The next four minutes squeeze in just about every up and down two people can experience at the beginning of a dating relationship, from that first awkward time in bed, to the break up, to the booty calls.

Forewarning: You may have the urge to cancel your OkCupid account after watching this.

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In this humiliating video posted on YouTube, James is offered two choices by the furious father as punishment for having sex with his daughter: A “severe ass kicking” plus criminal charges or a “brutal spanking.”

Young James mulls over the lose-lose situation and eventually settles on the spanking. Hey, who wouldn’t, right? James, though, at first refuses to lay face-down on the ground to endure the butt-smacking, but the angry father reasons with him in a shockingly logical way, telling James he doesn’t want him to bend over the stone fence and hit his face.

After the dad promises not to kick him in the balls, he finally coerces James pull down his pants and lay on the ground.

“And that will be the end of it,” the disgruntled dad promises.

But that is not the end of it. In fact, that was just the beginning of the utter Internet humiliation that is sure to haunt unlucky James for the rest of his life.

The dad also tells James that this is the same punishment that Chelsea got, whom we assume is his teenage daughter. That’s weird. But this whole thing is weird.

James breaks down whimpering and whining soon after the turbo-speed spanking begins, his voice breaking as he says, “I’m not gonna be able to sit, dude!”

The father tells James to consider himself lucky for dodging a beat down and rape charges, then retreats to his pick up truck where he tells the cameraman that his hand is swelling from spanking James so hard.

“That’s what you get for ‘puttin it’ to an underage girl,” the video’s description reads.

There, James. Have you learned your lesson?

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Memory foam, while cushy, comfortable and conforming, is hardly a firm foundation for doing the horizontal tango.

“It’s like trying to do it in quicksand,” a memory foam mattress owner told Barron’s. And who wants to do it in quicksand?

“There’s a lack of resistance for the knees and feet. And whoever is on the bottom is sinking into the bed,” New York sex therapist Sari Eckler Cooper explained.

But Americans are weighing their options and in these stressful, tired times, they’re choosing sleep over sex.

Memory foam is the fastest-growing mattress trend. Its market share has soared from 14 percent to nearly 20 percent in the past eight years, according to Barron’s. The biggest buyers of these non-sexy mattresses? Baby boomers — perhaps after a certain point in life, you get tired of sex.. or just too tired, in general.

In other psuedoscience news:

• Forget a fear of heights or small spaces — some people have a fear of having sex indoors, making for one exciting (or exhausting) sex life!

• Facebook users may be addicted to Facebook, but they don’t trust it.

• What is happening to autistic children after they grow up? They’re having a very difficult time getting education and jobs.

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Some historical documents set to be auctioned off at a price between $1,500 to $2,000 each are painting a very different picture of the Nazi dictator. As reported by the Washington Examiner, the cache of documents includes interviews with Hitler’s doctors and the diary entries of one physician who wrote down things he heard the Nazi leader say.

His doctors noted that Hitler had several medical complaints, one of them being flatulence, which was blamed on his vegetarian diet. He took pills in an attempt to quell the embarrassing problem.

Hitler also expressed his desire for beautiful women, but his libido eventually decreased, though he was living with Eva Braun, his long-time companion. Hitler injected himself with semen from young bulls in an effort to stimulate his sexual desire, as recorded by Dr. Theodore Morrell.  

“Sexual organs showed no indications of abnormality or pathology and secondary sex characteristics were normally developed. Hitler was very fond of the society of attractive women, particularly during the years of his rise to power. In later years his libido was apparently sublimated with the increase in…responsibility. Morrell believes that Hitler, although not strongly inclined to sexual activity, did have sexual intercourse with Eva Braun, though they were accustomed to sleep in separate beds,” one document said.

Another report from Dr. Erwin Giesing said Hitler used cocaine to “clear his sinuses,” and began craving it more because it made him happy. Giesing wrote that he had to cut Hitler’s “dosage.”

Giesing also wrote that he overheard Hitler, in a voice that was “unnaturally loud and a little bit screaming,” make comments about his own political influence.

“My only opponent is Stalin, who is almost on the same level as I am…Bolshevism will lose against Nationalism, and I will crush East Asia,” Hitler said, according to Giesing. “Churchill and Roosevelt are neither politically nor militarily a factor. England will break-up…America will take whatever is left and wipe the English empire from history…I will be the one who tips the scale between the Russians and the Anglo-Americans.”

Many of the documents are in German. The cache will be auctioned May 8th and 9th at Alexander Historical Auctions.

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Marketing stunts aside, we find ourselves strangely intrigued by the survey. Ashley Madison compiled the list using the address information of its own members. So while the list may not accurately reflect how many people in these neighborhoods actually cheat on their spouses, it does at least indicate how many of them are desperate enough to search for an affair online.

Using NYC membership per capita, Ashley Madison determined the most cheaters live in Great Neck, Park Slope and the Upper East Side. Here’s the full list of neighborhoods that are home to the most affair-seekers in NYC, with some interesting extra fun facts. Do you agree with the list?

1. Great Neck, Long Island (members spend the most time chatting using the fantasy date feature)

2. Park Slope, Brooklyn (members have the most children, on average)

3. Upper East Side, Manhattan

4. Forest Hills, Queens (the area with the most single female members)

5. Tribeca, Manhattan (the most reported affairs)

6. New City, Clarkstown

7. Douglaston, Queens

8. Riverdale, Bronx

9. Howard Beach, Queens (the most reported sexual encounters)

10. Garden City, Long Island (the least reported affairs)

(image via Ashley Madison)

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Today in Worst of Craigslist, we learn that lodging in the city doesn’t have to be expensive, if you don’t mind someone watching you. We find fellow New Yorkers who are down on their luck, but still looking for fun. We meet one person who tells the heartwarming story of missing his dear friend who has moved out of the city — but mostly, missing his feet. Another person wants you to know your way around Super Mario Brothers (and also a bedroom).

Yet another soul is convinced he can turn your life around and cure your depression. You just need to please him orally. Trust him, it works.

And so, let our shameless exploitation of these Craigslisters begin.

A tale of friendship and loss. Can you help him out?

This guy has the answer to all of your problems. Here’s here to help. You’re welcome.

A nerd’s fantasy. And like any good nerd, he’s meticulous about his video games (and sex). Sure is a lot to remember! Don’t forget — the fireworks are vital.

Who says you have to drop a lot of money for an NYC hotel? There are generous people everywhere…

Interesting tactic: Use your unemployment to score with women. Let us know how that works out for you.

Tired of having sex with strangers? Turn to Craigslist’s “Casual Encounters” for a more meaningful relationship.

The post Worst of Craigslist: Where sex and video games meet appeared first on Metro.us.

But now we have to think about him having sex with groupies? Harry Potter has groupies?!  

In a candid, but very British, interview with the Daily News, Radcliffe, 22, admits that he has indulged in the sexual perks that come with being a celebrity.

“I was always very nervous about the groupie thing. I like to like somebody before I sleep with them,” Radcliffe said. “You know, you’re going to have to talk to them afterwards, even if it is a one-night stand,” he added.

We’re having a hard time imagining that these “groupies” are anything other than the biggest girl nerds ever. Still, though, Radcliffe says he’s been known to dabble in groupie love, nerdy or not.

“I have . . . I mean, that has happened, but generally speaking I’ve known the person. Apart from a few times when I was drinking.”

Harry Potter drinks?! Actually, we already knew that. He’s been quite public about his struggles with alcohol, but it’s still weird for us to think about it.

Radcliffe also dished about his girlfriend, Rosie Coker, a production assistant he met on the set of the last “Harry Potter” film.

“Rosie’s lovely. She’s a wonderful, wonderful girl – but far too good for me! I find myself constantly going, ‘S—, you don’t know what you’re in for yet!” he said.

Well, she knows now, Radcliffe.

The post Daniel Radcliffe, boy star of ‘Harry Potter,’ talks groupie sex appeared first on Metro.us.

“Young people don’t think about sex as often as the general popular image suggests — the “once every seven seconds” myth is very far off from reality, and the sex differences are not as large as we believe,” says Terri Fisher, professor of psychology at Ohio State University and lead author of the study.

She recruited 163 female and 120 male college students between 18 and 25 for the weeklong study. Participants were asked to press a small plastic device every time they thought about sexual stimuli of any kind, fantasies and erotic images. Two control groups recording thoughts of food and sleep were also included.

It turned out men thought about sex 19 times a day, followed closely by thoughts of sleep at 18 times a day. That is nearly twice as often as the women thought about sex — but men also thought more about both food and sleep. Both sexes were very intrigued to learn how often they thought about all three categories.

Men want more sex when they are young and need more food — that could be one possible reason they think about it more frequently. However, that doesn’t account for the sleep factor as they don’t need more sleep, says Fisher.

The post Study: Women also think about sex; men esteem food, sleep appeared first on Metro.us.

For some reason, libido is lacking in the land of the rising sun. The National Institute of Population and Social Security Research conducted a survey, reported by CNN,  that shows things are not too sexy in Japan right now.

First of all, the country faces a record number of single men between the ages of 18 and 34 in the country — 9.2 percent increase since 2005. About 61 percent of those unmarried men report not having any significant other in their life at all. In addition, half of the unmarried adult women who were surveyed also said they are totally unattached with no boyfriend.

That might have something to do with the fact that one in four of the single adults in their late 30s surveyed are virgins!  

Proving that Japan is not a land of desperate romantics, 45 percent of those unmarried, unattached adults said they don’t really care about finding their one true love right now. Instead, marriage is a distant prospect, with 86 percent of single men and 89 percent of single women saying they would like to get married…. someday.   

About 40 percent of these singles also say that money worries are a main reason for avoiding the plunge in the present.

CNN reports, though, that Japan already has one of the lowest birthrates in the world at 1.34 children born per couple, but the country needs a birthrate of 2.1 children in order to get the workforce at a steady level in a rapidly aging population.

So get busy, Japan! Your country is counting on you!

The post Why aren’t people in Japan having more sex? appeared first on Metro.us.

“We tend to look at sex as this male thing,” she says. “It’s like, ‘If I’m pissed at him, I’m not having sex with him.’ It’s looked at as this reward for a man rather than a relationship thing.”
 
Madison recently published her book “Are All Guys A—holes?,” in which she did field research — interviewing 1,000 guys in 10 cities. What she found was surprising. She asked men if they liked hearing feedback from women in the bedroom and found that 58 percent of them love it.

“Women should take more responsibility for their sexual pleasure and figure out what feels good for them and make sure in the bedroom that they communicate that,” she says.

The sex and dating expert has recently endorsed the new “We-Vibe 3” — a couples’ vibrator that lacks the intimidation factor that can steer the squeamish away.

“One of the things with the We-Vibe brand is to be a discreet product,” says Sarah Bobas, the marketing and communications manager at We-Vibe. “You don’t want to walk in with something that off the bat makes your partner feel threatened. [The We-Vibe] enables us to get into the conversation without people getting shy or intimidated about what we’re talking about, which is just sexual intimacy, being closer to your partner.” 

The post Welcome to the pleasure dome appeared first on Metro.us.

To begin with, you must have a few things in order so you can feel good about yourself the morning after — no matter what happens. Be very clear about your expectations. If you want to have a sexual romp because you’re in the mood, haven’t had sex in quite a while, find your guy attractive and want to exercise your sexual freedom, then — as long as you are aware that this one night may be all you share together — you can decide to go ahead with an open mind and clear conscience.

It’s important for you to think about this before the date so you can take responsibility and practice safe sex. This way you won’t wind up feeling pressured or caught off guard, which can lead to taking risks.

But if this is a guy you’d really like to get to know better and would like to see again, it may be best to hold off on getting sexually involved — many times first-date sex for guys means something entirely different from what it means to women. The guys can have sex and consider it a “great date,” but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to get to know you better. In fact, for some guys the sexual encounter may be enough for them — and then they are ready to move on and meet someone new.

So, unless you are completely comfortable with the fact that you may never hear from the guy again, and that’s fine with you, you are probably better off waiting — at least for date No. 2!

— Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is creator of “Shrink Wrap” – national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships – and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages. Opposing viewpoints are welcome. Send 300-word submissions to letters@metro.us.

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Gaddafi’s manservant, Faisal, revealed all of his former boss’ dirty secrets.

Faisal told the Sunday Times that not only did Gaddafi pop Viagra pills as if they were breath mints, but he also had a crazy sexual appetite (we can only assume those two things go hand in hand).

Gaddafi would allegedly have sex with four or five women a day, many of which were his bodyguards.

“They would go into his bedroom, and would have his way with them and then he would come out like he had such blown his nose,” Faisal said.

Something about that analogy really doesn’t sit right with us.

Faisal also claimed that many of Gaddafi’s sexual partners suffered so much “they went immediately from his bedroom to the hospital,” to be treated for internal injuries.

As if that wasn’t weird enough, Faisal also said that another aid was sent to Paris to purchase a penis lengthening machine for Gaddafi.

As for non-sexual fetishes: Faisal said he was forced to spray a lotion on the front of Gaddafi’s head so his receding hairline wouldn’t show. And here we thought Gaddafi had bigger problems than his looks.

We’re willing to bet Condoleza Rice is thankful she never fell for the love song he wrote her hilariously titled “Black Flower in the White House.”

Story from The Sunday Times via Daily Mail.

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Since your girlfriend takes issue with you having a dating history maybe she needs to find a virgin. It would be difficult for her to find a 33-year-old who hasn’t had sex. I assume she herself has no history? If she has, then this is the height of hypocrisy. She’s either hugely naive or projecting some of her own issues onto you. Unless you’ve participated in unlawful or dangerous sexual acts that potentially impact her today, it’s none of her business.

You should be commended for being so open and honest about your history. This transparency speaks to your commitment to her. By divulging sexual history, you assume a level of trust that shouldn’t be thrown back in your face. She has violated this trust. She needs to get over your past and focus on the present and future. If you’re loving, supportive, respectful and have a healthy sex life, then there’s no need for her to harp on your sexual history. Ask her what she hopes to gain by bringing up your past girlfriends. My guess is that this is more about her insecurity than your experience.

If this has been going on for two years, it probably isn’t going to change. You cannot change a belief system that seems unwavering. You can decide, though, how much you want to be exposed to it. It seems clear that you care about her. However, one of the fundamentals of a healthy relationship is missing: unconditional acceptance. Express to her this unmet need and your desire for full acceptance of who you are now, not whom you dated in the past. If she can’t be accepting, then you must move on.  

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Yesterday, one of his “sexting” mistresses shared messages with the Daily Mail in which Weiner calls Abedin’s parents “backwards thinking” and claims religious differences have burdened their marriage.

Traci Nobles, 35, a former cheerleading coach who had textual trysts with Weiner, revealed the scandalous excerpts in her new book, “I Friended You,” set to be published this week.

In some exchanges, Weiner complained to Nobles that Abedin’s Muslim family clashed with his Jewish faith.

“They just believe I should be Muslim or convert … it makes for a lot of uncomfortable meetings,” Weiner wrote. “I wish I had an escape route sometimes.”

Another time he confided in Nobles: “A lot has to do with religion. Lots of restrictions and how I’ve never been accepted by them.”

In other texts, he bragged about masturbating in the restroom of the House of Representatives.
“It’s a big office and you know that’s not the only thing here that’s big,” he wrote, according to Nobles.

Abedin was pregnant when the scandal broke and is due to give birth to the couple’s first child, a boy, on New Year’s Eve. The couple has reportedly moved to the West Village.

Huma’s family tree

Abedin, born in Michigan and raised in Saudi Arabia, is the daughter of an Indian scholar father and Pakistani academic mother. Her father, Syed Zainul Abedin, died when she was 17. Her mother, Saleha Mahmood Abedin, is an associate professor of sociology. She has been Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s aide since 1996, when she began as an intern alongside Monica Lewinsky. President Bill Clinton has referred to her as his “second daughter” and presided over her and Weiner’s wedding.

Follow Emily Anne Epstein on Twitter @EmilyatMetro.
 

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We already knew Leal and Kutcher allegedly met in a nightclub in San Diego before moving the party back to his hotel room. We also knew they were rumored to have had wild and crazy sex in the early morning hours of Kutcher’s wedding anniversary with Demi Moore, though he supposedly told Leal the couple was separated.

In the interview with Us, Leal revealed that the fun got underway after she and another young woman got completely naked in a hot tub with Kutcher. Then Leal and Kutcher headed into his bedroom and from there “he lost his towel and I took my robe off,” she said. “Then we had sex.”

If you’re wondering how Ashton Kutcher is in the sack, Leal told The Sun, “He was good but it wasn’t weird or perverted or creepy. I was attracted to him and he was attracted to me. He had great endurance. We were up for a while. It was about two hours.”

In between rounds one and two (which were both sans condom, by the way), Kutcher and Leal made light conversation about astrology and Rick Perry — you know, the usual post-coital chit chat.

The next morning, after inspecting Leal’s body to make sure he wasn’t wearing beer goggles the night before like any gentleman would, he confided, “I enjoy things like this because I’m an actor 90 percent of the time and it’s fake. It’s nice to have moments that are real.”

We bet it’s getting really real for you right about now, Ashton.

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