Is he cheating … with another man?

For an enlightening read on one such confused relationship, check out Kiri Blakeley’s book “Can’t Think Straight: A Memoir of Mixed Up Love.”

I’ve been married for five years and wonder if my husband is cheating on me and if he might be gay. Something in our relationship is way off.  How can I tell if he is gay and cheating?

You can simply ask him and hope he tells … but don’t hold your breath. Short of catching your husband with another woman or man, there’s no way to know with certainty if he’s cheating. You must first accept the notion that he actually could be cheating, then signs might be more apparent.  

In the world of the down-low and homosexuality, stereotypes mean nothing. Throw out the window any preconceived ideas you might have such as being effeminate or sensitive and caring. Plenty of gay people don’t have these traits and just as many straight people have them. Look for behavioral changes. Does he tell you about last-minute plans with others? Has he deviated from his normal routine? Changes could be indicative of an affair. Next, take a look at physical changes. Have his dress and grooming habits changed? When someone is cheating, they’re usually more concerned about their appearance. Further, if he is withdrawing from you and avoiding sexual activity or seems detached, that’s a red flag that something is off.

–Jonathan Alpert is a licensed psychotherapist. E-mail him your questions at jonathan@jonathanalpert.com

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.



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