Royal Wedding: The AP makes it official, Prince William is going bald

Poor William. We feel for you, bro.

For the longest time, it was considered irresponsible for the mainstream media to comment upon the increasing thin-ness of Prince William’s hair. British tabloids could wink at it, yes, but respectable Americans could only mention it in sidelong fashion. It just wasn’t done.

Until now!

In what is sure to be a landmark in the history of the media’s relationship to the Royal Family’s youngest generation, the Associated Press has written an entire article about His Royal Baldness:

Prince William looks like someone who has it all: royal status, a charming fiancee, good health, and an easy touch with his future subjects. But there is one thing he lacks: a full head of hair.

Casual observers who have not paid much attention to Britain’s future king in the years before his recent engagement to Kate Middleton have been surprised by the extent of the 28-year-old’s hair loss. William still cuts a tall, imposing figure, but his bald spot has been spreading as his hairline recedes.

Oh, dear. "But there is one thing he lacks," really? There is literally no way to twist the knife in any more, right? AP, right?

It’s even more apparent since [William's] 26-year-old brother Prince Harry still sports a luxuriant supply of tousled red hair.

So sad for you, Wills. How can William disguise his the genetic tragedy of his follicles? Metro has some ideas:

»Shave his head: Bald men have been doing this for centuries! But it seems a little "common"; we’re thinking the Royal Family might frown upon this look.

»Wear a yarmulke: The Jewish religious cap would certainly cover up Will’s bald spot. But unless he converted to Judaism, this would probably be incredibly offensive! And if did, then he wouldn’t be allowed to lead the Church of England, meaning he’d have to give up his claim to the throne. Too high a price?

»Get hair plugs: We call this "Pulling a Biden." But won’t it be obvious at best and look horrible at worst?

»Wear a hat: This is the AP’s solution, advising William to emulate his famous grandmother. But how boring! Instead, we suggest…

»Wear a crown (all the time!): OK, so as the grandson of the Queen, William doesn’t have an official title that comes with a crown. Who cares? Make one anyway! This is the dignity of the Royal Family we’re talking about. Plus, walking around wearing a crown all the time would be pretty badass.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

New Apple devices include default kill switch

By Marina LopesWASHINGTON (Reuters) - New Apple Inc phones include a theft deterrent system that enables users to lock their devices and wipe them clean…

National

PHOTO: Photographer comes face-to-face with deadly crocodile

A deadly crocodile comes face-to-face with a courageous photographer, who manages to take a set of jaw-dropping pictures of the teeth-baring reptile.

Local

Brooklyn packed for annual West Indian Day Parade

Brooklyn’s Eastern Parkway was packed Monday with an estimated one million people showing up on Labor Day to celebrate West Indian culture.

Local

James Michael Tyler on Gunther, Central Perk and…

We spoke with Gunther (James Michael Tyler) at the preview for new pop-up Central Perk, based on the cafe in "Friends."

Going Out

Where to eat and drink during Oktoberfest in…

Paulaner In the Bowery, this Bavarian restaurant/brewery will start the celebrations at 8 p.m. Saturday with the premiere of master brewer Andreas Heidenreich’s Oktoberfest brew.…

Going Out

Where to celebrate Oktoberfest in NYC

Germany is a land of contradictions — is there an explanation for how the same country produced lederhosen and Rammstein? But they all managed to agree…

Going Out

Things to do in NYC this weekend, Sept.…

BEHIND THE SCENES New York on Location Sept. 21, 11 a.m. Kaufman Astoria Studios 36 Street between 34 and 35 avenues, Astoria Free, www.movingimage.us Have…

Going Out

5 things to do in NYC this weekend,…

Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival Sept. 18-22, various times The Bell House, 149 Seventh St. Union Hall, 702 Union St. $10-$20, www.eugenemirmancomedyfestival.com In addition to the usual…

NFL

Eric Decker 'unlikely to play' against Bears: Source

Jets wide receiver Eric Decker's status for Monday night’s game against the Bears is in doubt after he missed practice again Wednesday.

NFL

Preston Parker, not Odell Beckham, will replace Jerrel…

Tom Coughlin noted the next man up will be unheralded veteran Preston Parker.

NFL

NFL Week 3 full schedule (kickoff time, TV)

NFL Week 3 full schedule (kickoff time, TV)

NFL

Fantasy football: Run with Knile Davis, Khiry Robinson,…

Fantasy football: Run with Knile Davis, Khiry Robinson, Donald Brown

Sex

Why don't more couples use condoms?

  Call it the “condom moment.” That’s the name the authors of a new study have given to the pivotal conversation every couple should be…

Sex

Need an idea for a first date? Here's…

Picture your idea of a nice first date. Is it dinner and a movie? A visit to an interesting museum exhibit? Instead, an expert on…

Career

Here's why the newly-crowned Miss America deleted her…

Miss America pageant winner Kira Kazantsev quietly deleted her LinkedIn profile this week after her work history came under attack by conservative critics. Many of the…

Career

Zosia Mamet explains why leaning in is not…

Zosia Mamet is living proof that even if you don't think you can get a job you're going for, you should still try. Along with…