Popcorn, peanuts and free massages

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It can be difficult to get fans to the ballpark in September if their team is out of it. Football has started, there are leaves to rake and did I mention the start of football? That’s why teams resort to silly gimmicks to attract fans.

The Kansas City Royals, who haven’t been relevant for two decades, are going to try to set a Guinness World Record for the “Most People Being Massaged” on Sept. 17. If you purchase a ticket in a certain section ($25), you’ll get a Yoga Mat and receive a massage.

Will this event also set a record for the most happy ending requests? I can’t wait until someone claims they received too hard of a massage and brings a frivolous lawsuit.

A team actually in a pennant race is also going the way of the gimmick: the Giants. The defending World Series champs are having “Star Wars Day” on Sept. 4 at AT&T park. The ticket package includes a seat in the “Star Wars” section, access to a pregame costume party and a “limited edition Star Wars/Giants” trinket.

If 1,000 people show up and 300 are women, how many will be dressed as Princess Leia? You know the outfit I’m talking about (hint: think Jabba the Hutt). I expect no less than 227 dressed as Boba Fett, and the lazy fans will show up as Han Solo or Luke Skywalker. There will be at least one ejection because a fight breaks out over which was better: “Star Wars” or “The Empire Strikes Back.”

Ron Artest’s heart will go on … and on

Two years ago, Ron Artest went to a Britney Spears concert, and jokes were made; recently, he went to a Celine Dion concert, and then scurried backstage to take photos with her. It’s still early, but the guess here is in 2013 he attends a Bonnie Raitt concert and in 2015 he’ll be spotted at a Sarah McLaughlin performance.

Serena the reality bomb

I find it mildly stunning that non-entity no-talents like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian have (or had) wildly popular reality shows, yet Serena Williams — one of the greatest tennis players ever — is failing to have someone pick up her show. Perhaps it was the content? Williams has been pitching a reality series based on “caring for and decorating nails.” Apparently, she’s big into nail care. Williams is one of the five best female tennis players ever, and for the first time since 2006, she is about to go the entire year without winning a major. Perhaps she should revert her attention from nails to tennis.

– Jason Raj McIntyre covers athletes off the field and runs the popular blog, The Big Lead.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.



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