Let’s spice up conference realignment

Mila Kunis

Bored yet with realignment in college athletics? It was palatable a bit in  August when nothing was happening in the sports world. But now, with faux news developing seemingly every day, it has gotten incredibly tiresome.

Oklahoma wants out of the crumbling Big 12, but it has demands. Texas is flirting with the ACC, but the Big Ten really wants the Longhorns, and yes, the Pac-12 probably makes the most sense.

That is, unless Texas goes independent, like Notre Dame, which is also supposedly playing footsie with the Big Ten (again) and the ACC. Texas A&M left for the SEC, and now Missouri might go.
The key to it all? Football and money. Nothing else matters.

If you wish you had a handy guide to the madness, look no further. We present to you a celebrity version of college football realignment:

West Virginia (Cameron Diaz): The Mountaineers are a party school best known for burning couches in public. Desperate to leave the sinking ship that is the Big East, WVU reportedly applied for membership to the ACC and SEC. And was denied.

Texas (Mila Kunis): It has a rich football history, but the school has significantly blown up in recent years thanks to Colt McCoy guiding the Texas to the title game and the creation of the Longhorn Network. Everyone wants Texas. The Big Ten, the ACC and the Pac 12 are all in play, but a move would mean it’d have to give up the lucrative Longhorn Network. So does Texas try to keep the crumbling Big 12 together, or go independent?

Missouri (Kendra Wilkinson): There’s not much to love about Missouri football, but it has two things going for it: the Kansas City and St. Louis TV markets. That’s the only reason the SEC is interested in Missouri.

Rutgers (Anna Kournikova): Another school trying to leave the Big East. Rutgers — which has an inflated sense of self worth; no surprise; they are located in New Jersey — would be attractive if anyone in New York (No. 1 TV market) cared about the Scarlet Knights, but that’s not the case.

Oklahoma (Megan Fox): The Sooners, with their rich football history, are coveted by the Pac-12. The Sooners are title contenders almost every year, but Oklahoma is not without flaws — it must bring along little brother Oklahoma State.

– Jason Raj McIntyre covers athletes off the field and runs the popular blog, The Big Lead.
Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages. Opposing viewpoints are welcome. Send submissions to letters@metro.us.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

MAP: New York City Street Closures August 22,…

The Percy Sutton Harlem 5K and NYC Family Health Walk-a-thon and Pakistan Day Parade and Fair will cause traffic delays and street closures in New York City this weekend. Plan…

International

U.N. nuclear inquiry on Iran seen making slow…

The U.N. nuclear watchdog appears to have made only limited progress so far in getting Iran to answer questions about its suspected atomic bomb research, diplomatic sources said on Friday,…

National

Violence-weary Missouri town sees second night of calm

By Nick Carey and Carey GillamFERGUSON Mo. (Reuters) - The violence-weary town of Ferguson, Missouri, saw a second straight evening of relative calm on Thursday…

National

Journalist James Foley's parents, after call with pope,…

The parents of James Foley, the American journalist killed by Islamic State militants in Iraq, on Friday called for prayer and support to free the remaining captives held by Islamic…

Television

Recap: 'The Knick,' Season 1, Episode 3, 'The…

The third episode of Steven Soderbergh's "The Knick" finds Dr. Thackery (Clive Owen) meeting an old flame and other characters embracing self-destruction.

Music

Webcast: Watch Polyphonic Spree live on Sunday Aug.…

Polyphonic Spree singer Tim DeLaughter sits with Metro Music Editor Pat Healy for a chat and then the big band performs live. It begins on Sunday at 9:30 pm

Movies

Matthew Weiner on directing 'Are You Here' and…

"Mad Men" creator Matthew Weiner discusses his movie "Are You Here," his history writing comedy and the tiny movie he directed in 1996 you can't see.

Movies

Michael Chiklis on his football past and 'When…

Michael Chiklis remembers playing football in high school and how that prepped him to play a coach in "When the Game Stands Tall."

NFL

3 things we learned about the Giants in…

The Giants claimed the Snoopy trophy in a battle of MetLife Stadium tenants Friday night. But more importantly, the offense finally showed some life in…

NFL

3 things we learned about the Jets in…

The Jets lost the Snoopy Bowl, 35-24, to the Giants, losing the trophy and local bragging rights.

NFL

Fantasy football draft guide: How to draft your…

Many are wondering if we’re entering a new age in fantasy football drafting — one where running backs take a backseat.

NFL

Jets vs. Giants: 3 Giants storylines to watch

The Giants have plenty to work on as they reach the dress rehearsal preseason game Friday night against the rival Jets.

Sex

Big weddings may lead to long-term happiness

Dreaming of a big wedding? A new study indicates that the longer your guest list, the happier you’ll be in the long run. l A…

Sex

Online dating for every generation

Frank Jackson and his mother Maggie are like lots of modern families: They have dinner together regularly, keep each other updated on their lives —…

Wellbeing

Going green could be the key to getting…

If we could just pursue the things that would actually make us happy, we could help the environment too, according to a New York researcher.…

Tech

Siren: A new dating app that puts women…

Online dating can be brutal, especially for single women. Noting that many women hate wading through inappropriate messages and photos, two tech entrepreneurs decided to…