Dear NBA, no one will miss you

David Stern says he is content to let the lockout run into the season.

Let me tell you a story.

It is a story about a rich kid. A rich kid with an even richer Dad. Let’s call the son Billy and the Dad Jim. Jim gives his son an allowance of $5,000 per week. Sounds pretty darn good. Billy has all kinds of fun spending all this money. Dad, well he doesn’t really care. He’s paying attention to what other parents are giving their kids in allowance, and as long as those kids get $5,000 per week, Billy will be getting the same.

Then the economy tanks.

Ooops. Jim’s company isn’t doing so well anymore. Neither are his neighbor’s businesses.

And each of them keeps giving their sons $5,000 per week in allowance. Gotta keep up with the Joneses, right? This whole bad economy thing will figure itself out; no big deal.

It doesn’t.

Well, Dad can charge the neighbors to borrow his lawn mower. That’ll make some money. Maybe hold a bake sale. Everyone likes a $10 brownie, right?

Turns out people don’t like $10 brownies. Who would’ve guessed? They don’t show up to your bake sale. And you keep losing money.

“Hey Billy, could you come in here for a moment, Dad wants to talk to you?”
“Sure, Dad, what’s up?”
“Ya know how I was really stupid and gave you a $5,000 allowance? And then was even stupider when the economy tanked and I kept giving you a $5,000 allowance? See, I’m having second thoughts about that. And so are all the parents in the neighborhood. We’re gonna need to do something about this.”
“What!? No way, Dad! I’ve been making that money. I’ve been helping around the house, cooking dinner, that was the deal. I want that money.”
“Um … go to your room Billy!”

Welcome to the 2011-12 NBA season ladies and gentlemen.

I don’t think I have to break down the story for you. If you read through it, you understand – Billy is obviously the players and Jim is the owners.

So where does that leave you, the reader? Well if you barely managed to get through that convoluted story it’s probably because you didn’t really care about the participants. Sure, something intriguing was going on, but you weren’t exactly sure you cared. You’re a good NBA fan.

And if you gave up (which would mean you aren’t reading this), then you’re the vast majority of casual NBA viewers.

There’s your analogy, Commissioner Stern. Tread lightly.

Follow New York sports editor Mark Osborne on Twitter @MetroNYSports.


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
International

Canadian charged in 'Heartbleed' attack on tax agency

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canadian police have arrested a 19-year-old man and charged him in connection with exploiting the "Heartbleed" bug to steal taxpayer data from…

National

Every dog has his day in court, in…

(Reuters) - Call him juror K-9.A computer glitch is likely to blame for a summons that called a German Shepherd to report for jury duty,…

Local

Local politicians pressure DOJ to investigate Ramarley Graham…

On what would have been his 21st birthday, Ramarley Graham's mother joined elected leaders to ask the U.S. Department of Justice investigate his death.

Local

Muslim leaders welcome NYPD surveillance changes with degree…

Leaders and advocates praise the NYPD's move to shut down a unit tied to its Muslim surveillance program but say there's more left to do.

Television

Jim Rash talks 'The Writer's Room' and amazing…

For Jim Rash, as the fifth season of "Community" comes to a close, the second season of "The Writer's Room" begins.

Going Out

Tasty chicken and waffles in NYC

Try some soul food goodness around the city.

Television

'Dexter' star Jennifer Carpenter moves into producing role

The actress who played the title character's sister in "Dexter" is teaming up with producer George Stelzner to adapt Erika Hayasaki's book "The Death Class:…

The Word

Wahlburgers announce North America domination

Tuesday was a huge day for Donnie Wahlberg.

NFL

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April version

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April version

NHL

Flyers, Rangers meet in playoffs for 11th time

The Flyers and Rangers will start a new chapter in a historic rivalry.

MLB

Masahiro Tanaka dominates Cubs over eight shutout innings

Masahiro Tanaka certainly had no-hit caliber stuff Wednesday as he allowed just two bunt singles.

MLB

MLB Power Rankings: A's are baseball's best, Brewers…

MLB Power Rankings: A's are baseball's best, Brewers and Braves right behind

Wellbeing

Unexplained infertility may be caused by lack of…

Researchers have identified a protein on the egg's surface that interacts with another protein on the surface of sperm, allowing the two cells to join.

Tech

5 surprising facts about Google Glass

Your sex life could get more interesting.

Wellbeing

Cognitive skills begin to drop at age 24

But the news isn't all that bad.

Career

How to get a job at a startup:…

We talked to Tarek Pertew, one of the co-founders behind Uncubed, about how to get your dream job at a startup.