Guy’s guide to the NCAA tournament

The Connecticut Huskies cheerleaders

UConn
Athletics: A-minus. A three-time national champ in hoops. A football program that at least plays Division I football … the Big East is still Division I, right?
Academics: B. Not too smart. Not too dumb. Just right.
Talent: B-minus. There just aren’t enough 70-plus degree days where tanning at Mirror Lake showcases the true female potential.
Weather: D-plus. The fall in Connecticut is pretty. For about two weeks. Spring is nice too — for two weeks.

Duke

Athletics: B-plus. Coach K has made Duke the premier hoops school in the nation. But its football team once again drags down its score. Nothing new here.
Academics: A-plus. Consider that UConn’s new school president is a Duke grad.
Talent: D-plus. Kentucky has Ashley Judd. Missouri has Sheryl Crow (hot in her day). Syracuse has Vanessa Williams (smoke show in her day). UConn has April O’Neil (aka Paige Turco). Duke? Your response?
Weather: B-minus. North Carolina. Meh.

Syracuse

Athletics: C-plus. We’re coming up on the 10-year anniversary of Jim Boeheim’s lone NCAA title. Still, their fans carry themselves as if they’re Duke in hoops and LSU on the gridiron.
Academics: B-plus. This school gave us Marv Albert, Bob Costas, Mike Tirico and Sean McDonough. You have to like one of those guys if you like sports.
Talent: C. Who knows with all those clothes on all year?
Weather: F. A good place for a sequel to “The Shining.”

Florida State
Athletics:
B. This school is so ’90s it should have Zach Morris, Bell Biv DeVoe and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin heading the athletic department.
Academics: C. Ranked the No. 46 public school in US News’ rankings. That’s not great, but it’s damn good for Florida!
Talent: A-minus. Now we’re talking. FSU grabs all the Southern girls who want to have a career and want to have an ungodly amount of fun for four to seven years. Tan lines for all!
Weather: B-plus.Tallahassee ain’t South Beach. But it ain’t Buffalo either.

Michigan State
Athletics: B-plus. Painfully underrated. Tom Izzo gets his teams to the Final Four routinely and the football team at least competes in a true football conference.
Academics: B. Painfully underrated again due to rival Michigan’s brilliance in the books.
Talent: C. Too close to Detroit for comfort. That Midwest twang only goes so far.
Weather: D-plus. To think, they actually hosted a Super Bowl in Michigan? Hopefully the NFL learned its lesson.

Alabama
Athletics: A. Hate him or love him, Nick Saban wins national championships. Arguably the best football school in the world, the tailgate in Tuscaloosa is otherworldly as well.
Academics: C. That pseudosmart girl from your high school who strangely liked NASCAR and was badly in need of braces? She goes here.
Talent: B-plus. Southern belles aplenty. Plus, unlike Northeast girls, they actually understand football. No lie.
Weather: B-minus. Humid!

Murray State

Athletics: C-. Not bad for their lot in life. They routinely sneak into the Big Dance and make goons everywhere pick them because they think Bill Murray has something to do with the school.
Academics: C-minus. Not bad for Kentucky. A top-rated Southern school.
Talent: D. Their most notable alum? Ernest from the “Ernest Goes to Jail” enterprise.
Weather: B-minus. At least they’re a road trip away from the Kentucky Derby.

San Diego State
Athletics: D. Marshall Faulk, Tony Gwynn. And that’s about it. How can you not attract more athletes to San Diego? Who’s running this ship!?
Academics: D. Let’s just say SDSU won’t be confused with Princeton anytime soon. But being homeless in SD isn’t all bad, truth be told.
Talent: A-plus. There isn’t much silicone seen at, say, Wisconsin in February. In SoCal, every day’s a pool party.
Weather: A. We’ve covered this. But it does get below 60 degrees sometimes at night. Brrrr.

Final Four

At the risk of sounding like every greedy NBA star, weather matters when choosing a location to be the master of your domain.

Warm weather brings in hot girls and high quality athletes. No surprise there.

Therefore, in the Guy’s Guide pool, we have Florida State ousting Syracuse, San Diego State blasting Alabama, Duke besting UConn and Michigan State beating the surprising Racers. Your national champion? FSU parties like it’s 1997.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Bloomberg: Going green will grant you longer life…

Former NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg tells Metro that cities are where fighting global warming can make a difference, and increase people’s lifespan.

International

Ban Ki Moon: "Climate change is an issue…

My message to you is: make your voice heard and your actions count. Change is in the air. Solutions exist. The race is on. It’s time to lead.

Local

Earth Day New York food toolkits to help…

Hundreds of classrooms across New York City already have indoor container gardens that allow students to grow food right where they learn. But Earth Day…

Local

NYPD announces street closures for United Nations General…

The United Nations representatives are in town, and multiple city streets will be closed to traffic through Saturday, Sept. 26. The NYPD is urging those…

Television

10 Facts you won’t learn about Frankie Grande…

Frankie Grande is the worst and/or the best. Whether or not you're a fan, you'll want to know these facts about the polarizing player from "Big Brother 16."

Movies

Antoine Fuqua can kill someone with just a…

It's amazing what you can get done with the right tools. In designing the climactic battle in "the Equalizer," in which Denzel Washington's retired special…

Movies

Guess Ben Kingsley's worst filmmaking experience

Here's a fun game: Sir Ben Kingsley has made a lot of films since "Gandhi" in 1982, but at least one of them was a…

Books

Does Lena Dunham have any secrets left?

Get a sneak peek at her new book to determine if it’s worth the read.

NFL

3 things that went wrong in Jets loss…

The Jets have very little room for error with a far-from-explosive offense.

NFL

Eli Manning finally feeling good in West Coast…

The Giants have very little time before their next game, but they still took a moment to relish the team’s biggest offensive outburst since Week 1 of 2013.

College

College football top 25 poll: Oregon, Alabama close…

College football top 25 poll: Oregon, Alabama close in on FSU

NFL

Jay Cutler takes Marc Trestman's coaching to heart

While Jay Cutler turned to an autobiography on the man who would be his head coach, Trestman had personal experience with the player.

Wellbeing

5 gadgets to protect you from sharks, concussions,…

The medical industry is inundated with devices looking after all aspects of your wellbeing, from monitoring your sleep patterns to warding off shark attacks. We…

Wellbeing

Are you a narcissist? We look at the…

I have a friend who constantly talks about herself and rarely asks any questions about my life. She is constantly preening, obsessed with her body,…

Wellbeing

Lacking new ideas, Apple Watch disappoints health experts

Technology pundits were quick to predict the demise of most fitness wristbands and smartwatches when the Apple Watch was announced. But health care professionals and…

Style

Sarah Doukas on social media, models and diversity

The maker of Kate Moss tells Metro how social media can drive the diversity change in the fashion industry.