Playing the Field: Happy 4/20! Illegal substances and bench farts
Happy 4/20 to you and yours!
It’s Earth Day. The one day out of the year when we stop to smell the trees, admire the sun, maybe even turn off the lights for an extended period. Or, for many others, a time to hole up in the bathroom listening to Snoop Dog tracks.
For the latter, we cite Dylan Dewayne Favre. The 20-year-old nephew of former (for now) NFL gun-slinger Brett Favre. Dylan was arrested Thursday and charged with possession of a controlled substance (marijuana) and intent to distribute.
Dylan was once a promising football prospect — Mississippi’s Mr. Football in 2009 — but never cracked the big time, flaming out at Mississippi State and then transferring to a community college last December.
We could go into detail about the Favres and their long history of drug problems … Brett was addicted to painkillers his sister was arrested in a meth lab bust, yada, yada, yada … that’s all old news, swept away in the Mighty Mississippi.
The irony of Dylan’s arrest, he was busted the day BEFORE 4/20. That’s bad timing, like an unwanted advance on a Jets sideline reporter. Anyway … Puff, puff, pass, Dylan — or in Brett’s case, puff, puff, interception.
WWBD: What would Borat do?
Turkmenistan is a place the devil might set up his tent and pitch fork. Temperatures have reached (unofficially) a scorching 125 degrees. Eighty-percent of the country is covered by desert (although we’re told it’s a dry heat). So naturally this is the perfect spot to start a new ice hockey league.
The country, bordered by Afghanistan, Iran and yes, Kazakhstan, is ruled by a puck head of a president who has demanded that a hockey facility be built in the capital city of Ashgabat and told officials that he wants a league formed.
Oh yeah, did we mention he recently banned alcohol consumption?
Look, we’re all for expanding the great sport of hockey into new and foreign lands, but how well did that work out in Atlanta? (moved to Winnipeg) — And how is it working out in Phoenix (last in NHL in attendance) and Dallas (third-worst)? Bottom, line, to quote the amazing stylings of TLC: “Please stick to the rivers and lakes that you’re used to.”
We tried to contact an expert on the region, Borat Sagdiyez, but he only offered and no comment before shouting, “Throw the Turkmeni down the well!”
Whoever smelt it dealt it
Shaquille O’Neal’s brief stint as an analyst for TNT during NBA games has been mostly forgettable, borderline unwatchable … but the Big Retired never met a fart he didn’t like and was able to break it down Tosh.0 style Thursday night when a stink bomb plastered the Miami Heat bench.
Four members of the Heat bench are seen gasping for air and covering their faces following a key timeout in the first quarter. Enter Shaq.
“This is something you can’t do on the bench. Who farted on the bench? The fart goes 4-deep, the fart goes 4-deep,” he said.
We keep replaying the video looking to point (pull?) the finger at someone. For once, we can’t blame LeBron or D-Wade. They were on the court. They saying goes, “Whoever smelt it dealt it,” but we’re leaning toward Juwan Howard. He never covers his nose and sort of has a shit-eating grin on his face. Somewhere Chris Webber is trying to call a timeout.