Thanks to Mel Kiper, the NFL Draft brings out the frauds
By now, you’ve likely heard of Mel Kiper Jr.’s story. He was a relative nobody. He found his niche in life. He got unbelievably lucky.
Great story and good for him. Even if he constantly gives off that used car salesman odor that transmits through the flatscreen, he is one of a kind.
But of course, with every niche success story, comes the onslaught of ridiculous wannabe’s. For every Todd McShay, there is the 23-year-old blogger who thinks Morris Claiborne’s wing span has tremendous upside and that his length and understated vertical could one day contribute to him getting a finger tip on a pass thrown by Peyton Manning.
While there’s no shame in living in your mom’s basement IN THIS ECONOMY (seriously the best excuse for EVERYTHING of all-time), most of these bloggers could use a different kind of wakeup call.
See, unlike Andy Reid or Bill Belichick or Tom Coughlin or Mike Mularkey, these draft-niks are never called out for being dead wrong on certain players three or four years after the fact. They just keep blogging. They just keep ripping the “dumb” franchises for bad picks. And they just keep acting like their nerdy, wine-spritzer-smelling poop don’t stink.
It’s truly hard to imagine a sporting event that exists, which brings out a bigger crop of total frauds. A look at a few other nominations:
Fraud level: 9.
Go to your local watering hole this summer or just hit up Aunt Gertrude’s lake house and listen to the fraudulent statements fly.
“Michael Phelps is Amazing!!!! He’s the best athlete alive!!!”
Ya? Let’s see him hit a 94 mph fastball. Let’s see him box out Dwight Howard. Let’s see him cover Larry Fitzgerald on a 10-yard-out pattern. Frauds.
The X Games
Fraud level: 6.
I’ll give them this. The X-Games supporters stop preaching after a couple minutes, unlike most Olympics supporters. Sure, it might just be because they just smoked more weed than Tim Lincecum on a ski trip and simply forgot what they were talking about, but they keep their mouths shut after awhile.
Any Major golf tournament
Fraud level: 7.
It’s a time honored tradition that men lie about their golf scores. Nothing wrong with that. But does it get any more annoying than sitting down with your Uncle Jack on Easter Sunday and listening to him fib for four hours about how he shot a 68 at Bethpage Black in 1996?
The Super Bowl
Fraud level: 8.
Do NOT. I repeat, DO NOT go to a Super Bowl party with your girlfriend’s friends from college if your team is in the Big Game. When Tiffany starts asking what “2nd and 9” means late in the third quarter, it’s time to reach for the rubbing alcohol.
Jets fans are the best
This post wasn’t meant to rip all things NFL Draft. In fact, the draft gave us one of the top five YouTube videos of all-time. Use this to get your juices flowing Thursday night or to scare away kids on Halloween:
This just in: Frogs are underrated
No, this frog isn’t nailed to the bench, and no, this video has nothing to do with sports unless you question this particular frog’s ungodly athleticism:
Follow Matt Burke on Twitter: @BurkeMetroBOS