Playing the Field: What women want, plus making sense of Mo Rivera

Mariano Rivera's injury could soon put the Yankees in the 'Not' section of this list.
Ronald Martinez

Women and sports, boo

For many, the sight of an attractive female sporting her favorite team’s jersey is the ultimate turn-on, or what most red-blooded males fantasize about when they run out of bacon. Our professional sports leagues know this. That’s why they make pink replicas, T-shirts, hats … and yes, thongs.

What we are trying to say is that finding a girl that shares your passion for sports is a very, very good thing. For most of us … but apparently not all. MLS radio host Simon Borg wants no part of a sports savvy chick. Yuk, cooties, stay away …

“Having a woman that’s such a fan, like painting your face, tuning in to every podcast. I don’t know how many males would be into that …”

(For the record, Borg has been suspended by MLS for seven days for his “inappropriate remarks.”)

Umm, a lot, Mr. Borg. We’ve heard of married couples divorcing due to rival interests (Michigan vs. Ohio State), but when two people share the same love of sports, we’ve found — in our very limited research — it’s usually bliss for everyone involved, except for your best friend Larry, who is left to funnel beers in the parking lot by himself.

Call him Dr. Shaq

Shaquille O’Neal continues to make our ear bleeds as a TNT studio analyst, but that’s not stopping him from classing up the joint.

The Diesel, The Big Cactus, Shaq Fu (or whatever he’s calling himself these days) will be awarded his PHD in education from Barry University this weekend. Barry is a small, Roman Catholic school near Miami.

While this rings of Kardashian (read: publicity stunt), Shaq reportedly did four years of graduate school work, including 16 courses and 54 credit hours, and  — brace yourselves — he finished with a 3.8 GPA.

Now, it’s easy to be skeptical here since we don’t have a list outlining the actual classes he took. However, we think it’s pretty safe to assume that “Rapping 101” and “Acting with Nick Nolte” weren’t among them. Our sources wouldn’t confirm whether his fellow graduates will be enforcing the “Hack-a-Shaq” when he walks.

Mo money, Mo problems

By now you’ve heard that Yankees closer Mariano Rivera is done for the year, maybe for his career, after tearing his ACL shagging a fly ball in batting practice. It’s a tragic way for it to end for the greatest closer of all-time, a title Rivera earned on the merit of one pitch: the cutter.

Which got us thinking: What other one-trick ponies have been as successful as Mo? Here’s a brief list from the worlds of sports and fame:

1. Blake Griffin: Let it be known that we are huge fans of the Clippers star. His dunks routinely rattle our TV and cause us to spill our beer. However, that’s really all he does. Until he develops an effective 15-footer, he makes this list.

2. John Calipari: Perhaps the greatest one-trick pony in sports history. Cal mortgages the bluest of the blue-chippers for one season and consistently competes for national titles. Some hate him for it. They’re just jealous.

3. Asante Samuel: One of the most dynamic playmakers in the NFL, an interception machine. Problem is, he’s a freelancer. He doesn’t tackle (refuses to learn) and sits on routes as opposed to playing man-to-man.

4. Pamela Anderson: Beautiful, sexy, multi-talented (we seem to remember a video of her on a boat …), but what is she really good at it, besides looking good? Somehow, she has churned out an impressive career, including being the entire plot of a movie (Borat).

5. Kyle Korver: The Ashton Kutcher look-alike doesn’t play defense, doesn’t handle the ball very well and isn’t the most athletic guy on the court … but man, can he shoot the lights out. He has made a living as a three-point sniper and is a valuable commodity on a Bulls team with title hopes.



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