There’s a drunk Patrick Kane at every frat party

That's Kane in the neon.

By now you’ve likely heard of Chicago Blackhawks star Patrick Kane’s piss-your-pants-drunk weekend at the University of Wisconsin. It’s taken two weeks, but it appears that all the details have finally been leaked  (pun intended).

Typically, this type of once-in-a-semester weekend debauchery would be cause for celebration at PTF. But we’re realists here.

Kane is now 23-years-old. He is a professional hockey player. He should be able to host parties in his own backyard, poolside, on any given afternoon that trump that of a Natty Light-laden Wisconsin frat house. He should be able to score two “10s” as opposed to the two “5’s” he bragged about bagging (in Spanish).

In other words, Patrick Kane is teetering back and forth in the 22-to-25 year-old male grey area of douchiness/awesomeness that we all have or will encounter. For one, his sunglasses reek of 2008. He could have worn a Von Dutch trucker hat and a vintage printed tee that read: “Clockwork Orange,” and have been more in style than he was at this Badgers frat party.

Not only does he struggle keeping up with the fashion trends of today’s college kids, he obviously struggles to keep up drinking-wise as well (an unforgivable offense at a college campus for a 23-year-old).
The lesson here is to simply know your limits.

When my college bud and I saw the finish line to our campus lives, we vowed to make enough money in our first post-college year to finance a prime off-campus apartment and the purchase of a hot tub.

The idea was to have weekly parties that looked something like this, complete with Snoop and the guy in the green hat.

Owning a journalism degree, and not a clue, this predictably did not happen.

But I learned my lesson just two weeks after entering the “real world.” I realized that this fail-proof endeavor would have simply made us look weak.

When you’re in college, in the prime of your life and happen to be an 18-22-year-old coed, that 23-year-old guy wearing a neon shirt and Kanye sunglasses at the frat party might as well be 83.

He is old. He is pathetic. He is out-of-touch with reality.

So if you’re in your early 20’s, but past the ripe college age, let this be a lesson. No matter how hard you may try, you can’t pull this stuff off and still have dignity … unless your name is Rob Gronkowski, of course.

Ho hum, guy gets skull driven into plexiglass

International hockey is typically a waste of time (save for the medal rounds of the Olympics), but this needs to be viewed, simply because of how barbaric it is.

With the concussion crisis at its possible apex, we won’t be seeing stuff like this much longer in the NHL. And we know why, of course.

But most sports fans will continue to get a thrill watching massive collisions in collision sports. For better or worse, it’s our nature.

Tortorella for Prez

Seriously, does it get any better than Rangers coach John Tortorella? I mean, every single press conference the guy holds, something phenomenal happens. It’s a proven fact.

I would love to see the quarter hour ratings between a Tortorella presser going head-to-head with Milwaukee-San Diego on MLB Network.

Even better, I would love to see Tortorella directing an episode MTV’s My Super Sweet Sixteen. Culture clashes are the best.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
News

Turkey: Voting begins in country's first direct presidential…

Some 53 million people are able to vote in the election, including 2.8 million citizens abroad. Until now, Turkish presidents were elected by parliament.

News

Libya seeks ceasefire as south Tripoli a militia…

By Patrick Markey and Aziz El YaakoubiTRIPOLI (Reuters) - Black plumes of smoke marked shell blasts and bulldozed earthen barricades mapped out the frontlines around…

Breaking: News

Russia mad about sanctions, says U.S. contributing to…

Russia reacted angrily on Saturday to additional sanctions imposed by the European Union over Moscow's role in the Ukraine crisis, saying they would hamper cooperation…

National

Mutant worms stay sober, even on alcohol

U.S. researchers have developed "mutant worms" that do not get drunk by alcohol, a breakthrough that could lead to new treatment for people trying to quit drinking

Gossip

Chris Martin dishes on 'conscious uncoupling' with Gwyneth…

"The thing we told everyone at the beginning of the year is true," says Chris Martin about Gwyneth Paltrow. "We are very close. We are not together."

Television

'Game of Thrones' livens up Comic Con with…

By Piya Sinha-RoySAN DIEGO (Reuters) - Laughter and death did battle on Friday at HBO's "Game of Thrones" panel at Comic Con, one of the…

Movies

Review: Brett Ratner's big 'Hercules' movie is small…

The latest "Hercules," starring Dwayne Johnson as the half-god beefcake of Greek myth, strips its hero and tale of most of its fantastical elements.

Arts

Scientists recreate world's smallest Monet copy

Scientists have reproduced a famous Impressionist painting using nano-printing, to create what has been described as the world's smallest work of art. Reworked at the…

Sports

Kevin Love becomes third NBA player to pull…

Kevin Love of the Minnesota Timberwolves became the third NBA player to withdraw from consideration for Team USA in next month's World Cup, USA Basketball.

U.S. Soccer

Orlando City takes shot at NYCFC over Frank…

Orlando City reminded the world how big a signing Brazilian star Kaka earlier this month with a photo of Kaka mobbed by fans juxtaposed against Lampard.

NBA

Jeremy Lin says 'Linsanity' is over as he…

Jeremy Lin lit up the NBA two years ago with his play for the Knicks but he has no desire to recreate "Linsanity" in his new career with the Lakers.

NFL

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player…

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player rankings

Tech

Forget Wi-Fi: Li-Fi could be the future

Li-Fi technology – developed by Mexican company Sisoft – is wireless internet connectivity using specialized LED light.

Tech

Weather app Climendo might be the most accurate…

The wait for a truly accurate weather forecast could finally be over thanks to a nifty new app called Climendo.

Tech

Napkin Table puts focus off the phone and…

Michael Jan, a design student at Tunghai University in Taiwan, has invented a serviette-picnic blanket hybrid called the Napkin Table.

Style

Essie's new Color Boutique

Essie launches high-tech kiosks at major airports and malls across the country.