Old, senile sports announcers and people still Tebowing (unfortunately)

Dick Stockton's ex-wife. You know her as Lesley Visser.

Chris Webber has done a nice job probing TNT play-by-play guy Dick Stockton during the Sixers-Celtics series about Stockton’s glory days in the 1980s of him calling the NBA Finals for CBS.

Stockton’s responses have been more or less incoherent, but we appreciate the effort by C-Webb. Of course, it might be TNT execs whispering in Webber’s ear to bring up the fact, on air, that Stockton’s heyday was a quarter century ago.

Hell, the guy was flubbing names in 1996 and was married to Lesley Visser back when Lesley Visser wasn’t made out of recycled VITAMINWATER bottles. In other words, thanks for the memories Dick, but you’re past your prime.

 

A look at a few other sports announcers who might and/or should be nearing the end:
 
Chris Berman
Age:
57
Boomer isn’t getting the discount at the Denny’s in Bristol just yet, but “age is nothing but a number.”

You know that friend that constantly references to drunk episodes on his 21st birthday, only brings up girls that he dated when he was 19 and has an iPod that’s filled with nothing but early ’90s R&B?

Well, get him to take a class at Connecticut School of Broadcasting because in 30 years, he’ll be the current day Boomer Berman. Draconian references for all!

Sadly, ESPN won’t be pulling the plug on Boom anytime soon. His contract filled with once a year SportsCenter assignments and contracted home run derby’s is almost certainly a lifetime deal.
Can you imagine what this trainwreck is going to look like in 2032?
 
 
Don Criqui
Age:
72
For some ungodly reason, Criqui has been doing Patriots pre-season games since the Parcells era. He then makes the smooth transition to Notre Dame football on the radio and pops up on CBS NFL telecasts for D-list games.

Here’s a little known rule: if Don Criqui does more than one of your favorite NFL team’s games during the regular season, your NFL team sucks.

It’s been getting sloppy lately for Don, even if no one is around to hear it.

 
Tommy Heinsohn
Age:
77
Heinsohn is beloved by Celtics fans and loathed by everyone else. You really could make the case for re-shaping the Celtics logo after Tommy at this point … though, if you think about it, it wouldn’t really take much – just toss a pipe in his mouth and call it a day.

If you want to witness homer-ism at its finest, order the NBA package for a month or two next season (we’ll reimburse you, promise), sit back and get pissed off at a 77-year-old man who is always four or five J&B scotch’s away from landing in a nursing home.

 

Marv Albert
Age:
70
This one hurts, it really does, considering I believe Marv-elous to be the best ever. Yup, he’s shockingly 70-years-old now even though he is showing no signs of slowing down. But in the back of my mind, I know the end is near.

He’s known mostly for his NBA work but I challenge anyone to find a football announcer who was as good as Marv was in his prime with the old NFL on NBC with the AFC package in the 1990s.
Ironically, his career played out in similar fashion as that of Michael Jordan (Marv called nearly all of Jordan’s big games for NBC).

Jordan missed two years of his prime after “retiring,” the first time, from basketball in 1993. Marv, meanwhile, lost his spot as NBC’s lead announcer for a couple of years after sexual assault charges in 1997.
If it just wasn’t for that one time he put women’s underwear over his crum and took a big bite out of some girl’s back, he would today, hands-down, be universally regarded as the greatest sports announcer of all-time.

Like Jordan, most say he is the greatest today. But you’ll get a few differing opinions here and there.
If it wasn’t for those two prime years off? Discussion over.

Tebowing. Really?

We all cringed a few weeks ago when Celtics star Paul Pierce was caught “Tebowing” after making a few clutch shots against the Atlanta Hawks.

Apparently, he also did a killer Borat impression and shouted, “Yeah-ah!” “WHAT?!” “Okay!” Lil’ John style in the postgame press conference as well to show just how out of date he truly is.

Pierce, however, was outdone over the weekend when a high school kid getting his diploma Tebowed on stage in front of the graduating class.

His punishment was cleaning the gym but here’s saying that slight electric shock would have been more appropriate.

Follow Matt Burke on Twitter @BurkeMetroBos


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