Dating after divorce: Can you let go of resentment and start anew?

Are Kris and Bruce Jenner headed for divorce?
Are Kris and Bruce Jenner headed for divorce?

The tabloids are speculating about Kris and Bruce Jenner: Are they headed for divorce? If so, then they would each eventually join the legions of people who have had to start over. Dating after a divorce can be challenging, whether you are in the public eye or not. Two simple rules of thumb can help you push forward into new romantic territory.

First, avoid comparing the person you are dating to your ex. While it is tempting to measure them for better or worse against  your former partner, the real goal is to focus on how they make you feel about yourself when you’re with them. Evaluating them based on how you felt about your ex rather than on who they are means  you will wind up either regretting what you lost or angry about what you missed out on all those years.

That will mire you in the negativity of your former marriage — keeping the pain and loss of divorce alive — instead of letting go and moving on with a new flame. Stay focused on building a new relationship and leave your past where it belongs — behind you.

Second, avoid bad-mouthing your ex —  especially to the person you are dating. This is a difficult one, because most people come away from divorce angry about what went wrong and wanting to talk about it. Be mindful about who you vent to: Blaming and criticizing could scare off your new partner. They could wonder what you might say about them if they did something to upset you. There are two sides to every story, so as much as possible try to present a balanced picture when you are speaking about your former marriage.

Whether you are famous or not, when dealing with the aftermath of divorce this old adage can be helpful: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. When you talk negatively, you keep bad feelings alive. When you talk positively, you put them to rest. The ultimate goal is to get on with your new life in a better place for what you gained from your old one.

Keep these rules in mind and you will be equipped to leave the past in its place and move on with your exciting new dating life.

— Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is creator of “Shrink Wrap” – national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships – and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

After Eric Garner death, religious leaders meet to…

Interfaith leaders convened with city officials to discuss what the community can do to help dial down heightened tensions after Eric Garner's death.

Local

'Suspicious' Hamilton Heights fire caused by power strip:…

An extension cord overload caused the deadly fire in Hamilton Heights late Monday that killed a 15-year-old girl and injured at least 12 others.

National

At 91, Marvel creator Stan Lee continues to…

By Piya Sinha-RoyLOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Marvel Entertainment's chief emeritus Stan Lee may be in his ninth decade, but it hasn't stopped him from adding…

National

Islamic State says beheads U.S. journalist, holds another

Islamic State insurgents released a video purportedly showing the beheading of U.S. journalist James Foley, who had gone missing in Syria nearly two years ago.

Movies

Review: Sadly, Matthew Weiner's 'Are You Here' is…

"Mad Men" creator Matthew Weiner tries his hand at movies with "Are You Here," a misjudged Owen Wilson-Zach Galifianakis comedy that turns into a drama.

Movies

Review: 'Love is Strange' is not only a…

John Lithgow and Alfred Molina tie the knot in "Love is Strange," but the film winds up being more about living with people than an activist picture.

Movies

Frank Miller on writing 'Sin City'

Frank Miller's comics career is a long and storied one, with "Sin City" being one of his most individual creations. Here, in his own words,…

Movies

Interview: Jessica Alba is a stripper again in…

Jessica Alba has gotten used to vague phone calls from director Robert Rodriguez, the Austin-based auteur who has made a habit of putting Alba into…

NFL

2014 Fantasy Football: Rankings, list of top NFL…

2014 Fantasy Football: Rankings, list of top NFL defense (DEF)

NFL

2014 Fantasy Football: Rankings, list of top NFL…

2014 Fantasy Football: Rankings, list of top NFL quarterbacks (QB)

MLB

Shane Greene travels unlikely road to Yankees stardom

Shane Greene was throwing a bullpen session on a quiet field at Daytona Beach Community College one day when the ball started moving.

NFL

2014 Fantasy Football: Rankings, list of top NFL…

2014 Fantasy Football: Rankings, list of top NFL tight ends (TE)

Tech

Siren: A new dating app that puts women…

Online dating can be brutal, especially for single women. Noting that many women hate wading through inappropriate messages and photos, two tech entrepreneurs decided to…

Wellbeing

What eye symptoms need emergency attention?

Many people experience temporary eye-related problems such as pink eye (conjunctivitis) from a cold virus or a scratched cornea resulting from an object coming into…

Sex

Big weddings may lead to longterm happiness

Dreaming of a big wedding? A new study indicates that the longer your guest list, the happier you’ll be in the long run. A new…

Parenting

Fun family activity: Off-Broadway show for pre-teens

"The Love Note" is an off-Broadway musical your pre-teen won't roll his or her eyes at.