Dating: Let go of your fear and get hurt

You might have to do some time on the couch, but getting hurt is worth it.
You might have to do some time on the couch, but getting hurt is worth it.

We make so many romantic decisions in the name of “not getting hurt,” as if we’re dainty pieces of china that can’t be put back together. God forbid we break a little.  This fear controls us, and we let it push us around.

Some people close themselves off completely, pretending they “don’t need a relationship,” and settle just for sex. Others get involved with people who are bad for them because they’re “safe” — figuring that as terrible as they are, at least they’d never leave. There are also the ones who sabotage potential relationships before they can get off the ground, thinking: “I’m going to hurt you before you get the chance to hurt me.”  And of course, many of us fear putting our feelings on the table because of what could happen  if they are not returned. (We could get hurt! Ahh!)

The problem with living this way is that we’re missing out. No one reaches their full potential living in fear. That’s just as true in romantic relationships as it is in the rest of our lives.

Why is getting hurt romantically so scary? Would it really be the worst thing in the world? Is it actually something worth guarding ourselves against at all costs?

I would argue no — for the simple reason that getting hurt is temporary. Much of our fear of heartbreak is attached to the notion that we’ll never be the same after it happens. We fear that we’ll be in the eating-ice-cream-out-of-the-container-in-pajamas stage indefinitely. But that’s simply not the case. We can’t stay heartbroken forever. After about six months, our bodies snap us out of it and we start to move on. Sure, there may be pangs here and there, but in the end you turn out OK. In that sense, there’s something empowering about getting hurt. It’s a test of our strength, and it lets us know we can  win against our fear.

You’re not the delicate flower you think you are. I’d never wish a broken heart on anyone — but if it happens, know it will heal eventually. It could be rough for a bit, but a few rough months certainly beat a lifetime of unfulfilling relationships.

— Amber Madison is a Manhattan-based relationship expert and dating coach. She is the author of ‘Are All Guys Assholes?’ for which she traveled the country, spoke to over 1,000 men and discovered that the answer to this question is no. You can follow her on Twitter
@ambermadi or online at www.ambermadisononline.com

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

MTA announces service changes for Sunday

The MTA has announced service changes ahead of Sunday's People's Climate March, which will be held from 11:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Sunday. Riders using…

Local

NYPD launches Twitter account for L train

The NYPD recently launched a Twitter handle dedicated to the L train and its riders. According to @NYPDLtrain, officers went underground Thursday morning to hand…

Local

Bushwick community space offers activists a place to…

A new Bushwick community space offers community activists to meet, create, learn and throw back a few cold ones. MayDay, located 214 Starr Street in Bushwick,…

Local

Activists gearing up for Sunday's "historic" People's Climate…

If all goes according to plan, more than 100,000 people will gather near Central Park West on Sunday morning and march through midtown to raise…

Movies

Kevin Smith makes peace with the Internet

I was thinking about Ain't It Cool News and Harry Knowles last night, wondering if anyone from Ain't It Cool had reviewed my new movie…

Movies

Art imitates life in 'Swim Little Fish Swim'

There's a certain comfort to be taken in finding that young artists are still moving to New York and trying to make it — and…

Movies

Review: Terry Gilliam's 'The Zero Theorem' is better…

Terry Gilliam's latest, "The Zero Theorem," concerns a reclusive malcontent (Christoph Waltz) struggling with the search for the meaning of life.

Music

Esperanza Spalding and a being called Emily get…

Esperanza Spalding is about to spiral off in a brand new direction that may or may include an alter ego named Emily.

NFL

Oday Aboushi ready for increased role, and to…

Oday Aboushi might feel comfortable enough to engage in some trash talk the next time he is on the field.

NFL

Giants vs. Texans: 3 things to watch

The Giants host the surprising Texans (2-0) in what may already be a must-win game for Big Blue.

NFL

Eric Decker misses practice again, could miss Monday

Jets wide receiver Eric Decker missed practice Thursday as he continues to rehab a hamstring injury suffered last Sunday.

MLB

Derek Jeter still focused on baseball as final…

Derek Jeter has effectively hid his emotions for 20 years in the Bronx.

Parenting

A sneaky way to serve kids fruits and…

"My First Juices and Smoothies" gives smoothie recipes for kids.

Style

3 things we love from Day 1 of…

The highlights from Day 1 of Milan Fashion Week.

Sex

Why don't more couples use condoms?

  Call it the “condom moment.” That’s the name the authors of a new study have given to the pivotal conversation every couple should be…

Sex

Need an idea for a first date? Here's…

Picture your idea of a nice first date. Is it dinner and a movie? A visit to an interesting museum exhibit? Instead, an expert on…