‘If a dildo was set on fire, is it still safe?’ Funky Brown Chick knows

Twanna Hines Funky Brown Chick
Do you have questions? Funky Brown Chick, aka Twanna Hines, has the answers to your deepest sex and relationship worries.

I’ve got a quick question and it’s kinda weird. My girlfriend has had this Dick Rambone dildo for some time and, recently, she has grown quite fond of it. That is until three days ago, when the damn thing caught on fire next to her dresser while she was in the shower. (I knocked the dresser not knowing there was a lit candle next to it.) Is the dildo still safe to use? I managed to get all the wax off, but it still has some burns on it and it smells like burnt rubber. Is it toxic to use internally?

Are you serious?! Sir, you are the reason I love writing this column. As anyone who’s ever signed up for Tinder, OkCupid, Match.com, JDate or any other dating site can attest, anything is possible — and, thanks to the Internet, we can all find out about it. I appreciate your sharing.

I’ll take you at your word and assume that the situation above actually occurred. Worst case scenario, you’ve given everyone a laugh, something we can all appreciate. Best case scenario, you truly need advice, and my tips will not only improve your sex life but also aid others in similar situations. In either case, thank you. Here is my advice.

Read all of my columns.

Published in print and online every other Thursday, I answer questions from Metro readers to provide the public with useful, important sexual health information to improve your relationships. This education is meant be to be additive: The more you read, the more you know. To get a sex toy safety primer, check out my previous column, “Are your sex toys safe? We ask an expert” on Metro’s website. It’s a great starting point.

Remember your health

It sounds simple, but it’s really a fairly revolutionary idea: Sexual health is, indeed, about your health. Educators teach the subject in classrooms, online and with columns like mine to prevent sickness, injury and death. Please know that plastics contains all kinds of compounds, some of them toxic. When burned, these substances not only break apart and attach to the product’s surface, they can also release into the air as harmful gases such as carbon monoxide and hydrogen cyanide. This may be painful to hear, but trust me on this one: Throw. The Rambone. Dick. Away.

Buy your girlfriend a new toy

You mentioned she was “quite fond” of her toy. Given Dick Rambone dildos can measure up to 18 inches in length and the girth of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s forearm, this item was probably pretty special to your girlfriend. Since you’re the one who destroyed it, you owe her a replacement. Either buy the same model you ruined or branch out and purchase a new product that meets her unique style, interests and preferred sexual activities. The romantic shopping possibilities are endless. Treat your gift like any other present: wrap it, and don’t forget a card and the bow! No matter what you buy, she’ll appreciate the extra effort. It’s always the thought that counts.

Twanna A. Hines is an award–winning educator and sex columnist. She has contributed to CNN, NPR, Sirius, Lifetime, Mashable, Nerve, Fast Company magazine, CBC (Canadian National Radio), Paris Première (French television) and Al Jazeera. She’s online at FUNKY BROWN CHICK®, and you can follow her on Twitter @funkybrownchick. Send your deepest love queries to questions@funkybrownchick.com.



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