The Word: Lindsay Lohan is nothing like the real Liz Taylor

Lohan at the premiere of “Liz & Dick”
Jeffrey Mayer/Getty Images

With all the divorces, marriages and arrests I report on, being a gossip columnist can sometimes feel like being in “Groundhog’s Day” — and Lindsay Lohan is my Ned Ryerson.

Yes, the troubled starlet was arrested yet again for punching another woman at a New York City nightclub around 4 a.m. on Thursday morning. Lohan apparently was “partying hard” at the club, called Avenue, and was “looking for trouble,” a source tells RadarOnline. That trouble manifested itself through a clubgoer named Tiffany Eve Mitchell. Apparently, Mitchell asked Lohan for a photograph. Lohan, who was “drinking heavily and doing cocaine,” said no and was “really rude about it.” Mitchell kept dancing but Lohan wouldn’t let this infraction go. Again, from another eye-witness: “She totally sucker-punched that girl in the face out of nowhere! Nobody saw it coming,” RadarOnline.com reports. “Lindsay went wild. She was kicking and screaming, cursing at the girl and then spit at her. The girl looked like she wanted to fight back at Lindsay, but was too startled by all the commotion to react.”

So, the cops were called. Lohan was spotted attempting to leave the club, hopping into the passenger seat of her car before cops pulled her out and arrested her. Lohan was heard yelling, “Are you kidding me?” as she was led away, a source says. She was released four hours later and given a citation and a court date. Being a refined wordsmith, I’m not good at math, but by my calculation that is probably her one millionth court appointment to date.

Remember when we learned that Lohan was cast as Elizabeth Taylor in the Lifetime Original Movie “Liz & Dick” and everyone was like: “Oh, I can kinda see it?” After all, both are former child stars and Taylor, like Lohan, had to live her life under the glare of the paparazzi. But Taylor would never spend her time in a trashy nightclub sucker-punching various members of the Bridge and Tunnel set. No, she would spend her evenings with Bubbles the chimp or hanging out at various high-stakes poker clubs, willing to give up her diamond earrings as a bet while she purred, “These always brought me luck.” Only really bad, awful trashy people spit on one another in nightclubs. Lohan, please stop. Like Bill Murray, I’m going to start walking off buildings because I just can’t take it anymore.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Mutant worms stay sober, even on alcohol

U.S. researchers have developed "mutant worms" that do not get drunk by alcohol, a breakthrough that could lead to new treatment for people trying to quit drinking

Local

K-9 nose helps capture $150K in cocaine at…

A furry, four-legged security agent helped authorities stop an illegal cocaine shipment from sneaking past JFK customs.

National

Minnesota man asked to leave Southwest flight after…

A man and his two sons were asked to leave a Southwest Airlines flight after the man sent a tweet complaining about being treated rudely by a gate agent.

National

Man sues hospital after surprise penis amputation

An Alabama man who went in to a hospital last month for a circumcision awoke after surgery to find his penis had been amputated, his lawyer said on Thursday.

Movies

Review: Brett Ratner's big 'Hercules' movie is small…

The latest "Hercules," starring Dwayne Johnson as the half-god beefcake of Greek myth, strips its hero and tale of most of its fantastical elements.

Arts

Scientists recreate world's smallest Monet copy

Scientists have reproduced a famous Impressionist painting using nano-printing, to create what has been described as the world's smallest work of art. Reworked at the…

Television

Jerry Seinfeld is ambidextrous, and other Reddit AMA…

See some of the weirder highlights of Jerry Seinfeld's recent Reddit AMA.

Going Out

Grab a pedestrian and start dancing at What…

As a New Yorker, I’ve mastered the art of focusing my gaze straight ahead. Though it occasionally piques my interest, the absurdities that play out…

NFL

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player…

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player rankings

U.S. Soccer

NYCFC announce signing of Frank Lampard

The tease of a big signing Thursday by new MLS side NYCFC ended up being one rumored for weeks. England midfielder Frank Lampard agreed to…

NBA

NBA great LeBron James sends 800 cupcake apologies…

By Kim PalmerCLEVELAND (Reuters) - NBA star LeBron James, whose recent return to the Cleveland Cavaliers in his home state of Ohio sparked a frenzy…

NFL

Jerry Reese confident with Giants, skipping countdown clocks…

Last year, Giants GM Jerry Reese installed a countdown clock in the locker room to inspire Big Blue to play in their own stadium for Super Bowl XLVIII.

Tech

Forget Wi-Fi: Li-Fi could be the future

Li-Fi technology – developed by Mexican company Sisoft – is wireless internet connectivity using specialized LED light.

Tech

Weather app Climendo might be the most accurate…

The wait for a truly accurate weather forecast could finally be over thanks to a nifty new app called Climendo.

Tech

Napkin Table puts focus off the phone and…

Michael Jan, a design student at Tunghai University in Taiwan, has invented a serviette-picnic blanket hybrid called the Napkin Table.

Style

Essie's new Color Boutique

Essie launches high-tech kiosks at major airports and malls across the country.