5 things I’d eat before Judgment Day on May 21

As we know, some people believe the end of the world will take place on May 21st. Commonly known in the Christian community as "The Rapture," this is when God is supposed to come down to earth and send the good people up to the pearly gates and the bad people to the fiery pits. 

If my soul is truly going to be judged that day, I want to at least be sure that my body is glutted with enough preservative toxins to last through the whole thing. Plus, if I’m going to hell, I might as begin enjoying one of the seven deadly sins now. Here’s the top ten devilish things I’d eat:

1. General Tso’s Chicken — A commonplace choice you say? At 844 calories and 40 grams of fat per serving, I think this one easily clears the bar terrible nutrition. And I could basically drink that spicy sauce if you let me. Since it will be the apocalypse, I probably will.

2. Funny Bones, Twinkies, Donettes and Yodels — Oh yeah, I’d even make one cake out of all of these stuck together and eat it all at once.

3. A delivery pizza that comes with breadsticks and dessert sticks that are all made out of the same dough, but with varying sauces —I always admired the resourcefulness of Domino’s and other pizza franchises when it came to this. Wow, three dishes for $7.99? How do they do it? Bread, bread and bread.

4. Every Pepperidge Farm product ever made — Milanos? Goldfish? Sausalitos cookies? And woah, these new babies. There’s not a speck of anything besides complex carbs in the Pepperidge Farm (unless you want to count the nuts on the Geneva cookies as your source of protein).

5. Buffalo Anything – Jerky, wings, Subway sandwiches, mozzarella (even though that might be a tad too healthy for my taste. All that heat will give me a nice preview of the fiery gates of hell!