Laugh off your parenting mishaps with Johanna Stein

Johanna Stein
Johanna Stein’s book, “How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane,” comes out May 1. Credit: Provided

No matter how hard you may try (or how hard you pretend to be), it’s just not possible to be a perfect parent all the time. Comedian/actress Johanna Stein invites you to pour yourself a glass of wine, stick your kid in front of the TV and embrace your less-than-best mommy moments with her new book, “How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane,” out May 1. We called Stein to get a preview of what we’re in for.

Do you remember your first parenting freakout?

When you’re pregnant, you feel the baby move around a lot. There was about a 10-minute period when I was poking the baby, which I liked to do to make it move around, and it just stopped moving. I started jumping on the bed trying to get the baby to move around, and I was crying my eyes out thinking there was something wrong with it. That was the first freakout, and they’ve been [happening steadily] ever since.

Who are your mom friends?

I lived in Los Angeles when my daughter was born, and my mom friends were other actors or writers. Now, my family and I live in Chicago, and they’re from a wider background. The good news is, they’re all equally neurotic. I thought I would move to Chicago and meet a group of really level-headed, common-sense moms, and I was really happy to find out that they are all like me.

Were you ever tempted to put on that perfect mom facade?

All the time! Every day I wake up feeling like I’m going to be the best mother in the history of mothering, and then half an hour later I’m subpar. So yes, I’m tempted to proclaim that I’m a perfect mom, which is why I’ll do something like trying to make a puppet out of a barf bag on an airplane and then have it blow up in my face.

Your daughter is 7 years old now. What is something that’s taken you surprise at this age?

How much smarter she is than me already. She is constantly asking me questions that I should know the answer to, things that I probably learned in second grade. I have to make sure my phone is always charged so I can fervently Google what she asks so she thinks I knew the answer. Why is the sky blue? How does electricity work? I don’t know. I have no idea. I should know, but I don’t.

How would you sum up parenthood in one sentence?

There’s a great saying, “Good enough is good enough.” Or how about this: striving for mediocrity. I strive for mediocrity. I aspire to mediocrity.

Follow Emily on Twitter: @EmLaurence



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
News

NY judge throws out lawsuit by Empire State…

A New York state judge has thrown out a lawsuit in which longtime investors in the Empire State Building claimed they were shortchanged out of hundreds of millions of dollars…

Local

Mysterious white flags appear over Brooklyn Bridge

Two white flags mysteriously appeared over the towers of the Brooklyn Bridge yesterday in place of the American flags that are a traditional fixture.

National

Judge sets January start for murder trial of…

By Elizabeth BarberBOSTON (Reuters) - Former New England Patriots player Aaron Hernandez will be tried in January for the murder of semi-professional football player Odin…

National

Donut capers stymie police in Oregon

For more than a month, mysterious vandals have been smearing pastries on cars, depositing donuts in lawns and leaving cakes strewn about the streets.

Arts

Don't miss 'Charles James: Beyond Fashion' at the…

Have you been meaning to see "Charles James: Beyond Fashion"? There are only two weeks left to get to the Met and catch this amazing American fashion designer's collection.

Television

Zac Posen talks 'Project Runway' and what it…

We talked to Zac Posen, judge and designer extraordinaire, about the new season of "Project Runway" and what keeps him coming back after three seasons.

Television

'Face Off' contestant David 'DOC' O'Connell sounds off…

David "DOC" O'Connell tells us about getting cast on Season 7 of Syfy's "Face Off," premiering tonight at 9.

Arts

PHOTO: Wildlife photographer Marc Mol captures amazing aerial…

This aerial image was taken by photographer Marc Mol who spotted the animals during an air safari in Zambia.

NFL

David Tyree hiring has gay rights advocates angry

Former Giants Super Bowl hero David Tyree will re-join the franchise as its new director of player development.

NFL

Ben McAdoo's new offense has Giants excited to…

Even Tom Coughlin feels he has a lot to learn about offensive coordinator Ben McAdoo’s new offense, which makes the veteran coach very excited.

MLB

MLB Power Rankings: A's, Angels, Dodgers, Brewers lead…

MLB Power Rankings: A's, Angels, Dodgers, Brewers lead pack

NFL

2014 NFL season betting odds: Which team will…

2014 NFL season betting odds: Which team will win Super Bowl?

Tech

Learn Braille with these gloves

U.S. scientists have designed high-tech gloves to help users understand Braille in a matter of minutes.

Home

5 New Ikea products that will change your…

We round-up the latest must-have products.

Food

Recipe: Wolfgang Puck's Buttermilk French Toast

We recently spent some time chatting with restauranteur/celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck at his Wolfgang Puck American Grille in the Borgata in Atlantic City. Puck wanted…

Style

Go retro with your sneakers

The best of wacky new sneakers.