Marriage is hard work — even if you’re married

Marriage is hard work and takes a lot of compromise, as Ben Affleck awkwardly acknowledged in his acceptance speech at the Oscars. Jason Merritt / Getty
Marriage is hard work and takes a lot of compromise, as Ben Affleck awkwardly acknowledged in his acceptance speech at the Oscars. Jason Merritt / Getty

When Ben Affleck accepted the Oscar for Best Picture, he thanked his wife Jennifer Garner and said that marriage is hard work, but it is the best kind of work. He’s right — it takes great effort to find the balance between each person’s needs and desires. Say football is your thing — it always has been, ever since you were a little kid watching at home with your dad. It’s hard for you to understand why your new partner has no interest in it. You want to go to games together, talk about plays and plan weekends around the tailgate parties. If the answer is “no,” what do you do? Ask for a compromise.

One couple I worked with had a basic problem: She wanted to stick to low-key staples like pizza and hot dogs, while he wanted to wine and dine on fancy, gourmet meals.  The difference in their tastes was a source of constant bickering and resentment in their relationship.

Compromising is key in any relationship, even if — as Ben Affleck pointed out rather awkwardly  — it takes work. In your relationship, you have to find a balance between your own pleasures and the things you love while respecting the things your partner is into, as well.  Is there a way to include your significant other but not force-feed them?

This is where a little bit can really go a long way. You remember when you were a child and your mother wanted you to eat broccoli, right? It looked awful, but you had to have some to appease her, so you took a small bite. With that taste, you showed her you respected her wishes enough to open your mind a little bit.

The same thing holds true in your relationship. Acknowledge to your partner that you understand and accept that football or pizza is not his or her cup of tea. When the playoffs roll around or a special event comes up, say that his or her company is important to you. Be clear that you know it is a sacrifice, but that a small portion — one game, or one slice of pizza — would mean a lot.

Doing this means you can share your passions and interests while respecting your partner’s desires. The key is to encourage them to be open and try to appreciate what it is that you find so fascinating. Who knows, your partner just might like it. Sharing pleasures and being open to each other helps to turn the wheels for more mutual passion. Doesn’t sound like such hard work, does it?



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

California passes 'yes-means-yes' campus sexual assault bill

Californian lawmakers passed a law on Thursday requiring universities to adopt "affirmative consent" language in their definitions of consensual sex, part of a nationwide drive to curb sexual assault on…

National

Syrian refugees top 3 million, half of all…

By Stephanie NebehayGENEVA (Reuters) - Three million Syrian refugees will have registered in neighboring countries as of Friday, but many remain trapped by the advance…

International

North Korean leader's money manager defects in Russia:…

A senior North Korean banking official who managed money for leader Kim Jong Un has defected in Russia and was seeking asylum in a third country, a South Korean newspaper…

Local

MAP: New York City Street Closures August 29,…

The Department of Transportation and NYPD said there may be residual delays near all of the street closures on August 29, 31 and 31. Several streets and avenues will be…

Going Out

'Friends' coffeehouse Central Perk coming to NYC —…

"Friends" is coming back for a one-off special: "The One with the Free Coffee." Warner Bros. is bringing a pop-up replica of Central Perk, the…

Movies

Interview: 'As Above, So Below' directors: 5 ways…

The fraternal directors of the found footage horror "As Above, So Below" dish on the best ways to frighten the bejesus out of audiences.

Movies

Criterion's new Jacques Demy box mixes the light…

Jacques Demy, the most effervescent of French New Wave filmmakers, gets a Criterion box all to himself, with classics like "The Umbrellas of Cherbourg."

Entertainment

Comedian Joan Rivers, 81, rushed to New York…

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Acerbic comedian and fashion critic Joan Rivers was rushed to Mount Sinai Hospital in New York on Thursday after she reportedly…

NFL

3 things we learned in the Giants preseason…

The final score didn’t matter — a 16-13 win by the Giants — but it would’ve been nice to finally see Big Blue’s new-look offense get on track.

NFL

NFL Power Rankings: Seahawks, Broncos, Patriots, 49ers start…

NFL Power Rankings: Seahawks, Broncos, Patriots start at top

U.S. Soccer

5 facts about new England captain Wayne Rooney

Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney was named as the new England captain by coach Roy Hodgson on Thursday.

NFL

Jets vs. Eagles: 3 things to watch

A win on Thursday night at the Eagles would give the Jets a 3-1 record and just their second winning preseason under head coach Rex Ryan.

Style

Trend: White hot on the 2014 Emmy's red…

White was one of the big trends on the Emmy's red carpet.

Food

Recipe: Samuel Adams beer-marinated grilled shrimp

Summer calls for two things: a cold beer and light food. Sam Adams' Latitude 48 IPA fairly bursts with citrus notes, making it an ideal marinade…

Wellbeing

4 healthy ingredient swaps to make your meals…

When it comes to eating well, everyone knows they could be doing better. But cooking in an apartment on a busy schedule is a recipe…

Wellbeing

Heart trumps brain when it comes to movies…

When you need a good cry, do you reach for the movie that’s “based on a true story”? Science says you’re giving your brain far…