The Royal Wedding: What are the worst self-written vows?

The Royal Wedding is tomorrow, and the news that everyone’s talking about is the possibility that Prince William and Kate Middleton have written their own vows! Now, not having read anything that Will or Kate has written, Metro is unsure if the vows will be any good — but they have to be better than these. Presenting: The Worst Vows Metro Has Seen (on the Internet)

The worst vows one blogger has heard, from AisleDash:

He went first, and he promised to love her (good), take care of her (fine), be the family breadwinner (what?), and provide a firm hand for their future children (seriously, what?! — he promised corporal punishment of their unborn misbehaving children in their wedding vows?). Ironically, she was and still is the primary moneymaker in their marriage. I guess that’s one vow already broken.

She went next. She promised to love, obey, greet him with a smile and a warm meal on the table at the end of his work day (this wedding was in 2004, not 1954), and carry his babies. The last is a fine thing to promise, if that’s what you want to do, but putting it into your wedding vows, the terms of which you will commit to one another, just seems misogynistic. I was trying so hard not to gag that I missed the last bit of their vows, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if the last piece mentioned that he could have her beheaded for not producing sons. 

Some horrible advice on vows one bride-to-be received, from The Knot:

"The worst wedding advice anyone has told me was to sing our vows to each other." Erin, Richmond, VA

Any of these "funny" wedding vows from Catalogs.com:

Minister: Will you take her as your wife? Will you love her all your life?

Groom: Yes, I take her as my wife, Yes, I’ll love her all my life.

Minister: Will you have, and also hold Just as you have at this time told?

Groom: Yes, I will have, and I will hold, Just as I have at this time told, Yes, I will love her all my life As I now take her as my wife.

Or these:

Officiant to Bride: Do you promise to love, honor, cook for, clean up after, surrender your share of the blanket to, live with the flatulence of, relinquish the remote to and with the toilet seat after until death do you part?

Officiant to Groom: You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, and you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride. 

But on the plus side, nobody up there messed up as badly as poor Ross from "Friends":




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