Royal Wedding: Metro’s live-blog of not having watched it

Did you watch the Royal Wedding? That’s awesome! We were up late (for work!) so we slept in and missed it. Here is our definitive live-blog of the experience.

3:50 a.m.: Guests arrive at Westminster Abbey. Metro is sound and solidly asleep.

4:00 a.m.: Prince William and Kate Middleton are given the titles Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Metro rolls over.

5:14 a.m.: The Princes arrive. Metro has a dream about helping Julian Assange draft wide receivers for the St. Louis Rams.

6:07 a.m.: Kate Middleton arrives. Metro has no opinions about her dress, as we are too busy training cats in the art of dressage.

6:30 a.m.: The vows! Metro is awoken by sunlight streaming through our window. We check our cell phone for the time, see it’s way early, and roll over and fall asleep.

7:20 a.m.: Wills and Kate leave Westminster Abbey. Metro dreams that we need to help our ex-girlfriend dispose of the body of a man she accidentally killed with a crossbow.

7:50 a.m.: The couple arrives at Buckingham Palace. Metro’s alarm clock goes off very loudly shortly thereafter. Which is more exciting?

8:30 a.m.: William and Kate share a kiss on the palace balcony. It is quick, embarrassed, and sort of cute. Metro munches on a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats. The experience is slow, contented, and not cute at all.

8:50 a.m.: The wedding is over: Will and Kate head somewhere luxurious. Metro quickly gets dressed, and heads off to our optometrist.

Did you watch the Royal Wedding? How did your experience compare?