Secrets to living happily ever after

Follow these tips for happiness long after “I do.”

As long as there are marriages, there will be those that work and those that don’t. Hollywood is not immune from such phenomena, so don’t look toward them as role-models. There are things you can do to ensure a healthy relationship, even through differences and difficulties. These are my tested tips that have helped countless couples in my practice.

Define a healthy marriage. If you wanted to open a coffee shop, would you model it after the dingy one on the corner or a thriving Starbucks? Rather than focus on botched relationships, look at what works.

Enter the marriage 100 percent committed — without the divorce option. In relationships that stand the test of time, couples are entirely focused on keeping it and doing what’s necessary to maintain it.
Disagreements are normal; they don’t mean the end of a relationship. Look at the big picture and ask yourself: Is it worth it to win the battle but lose the war? Accept certain things about your partner.
Sure, it may annoy you that she burns the toast — but in the end, does it really matter?
Focus on what binds you, not what separates you. You originally got together because of commonalities, not differences. Keep that focus while maintaining a sense of autonomy. The best relationships are those where he does his thing, she does hers, and then they come together and enjoy.

Take time out when there are arguments or fights. Rarely are issues resolved in the heat of battle, so walk away and agree to come together when things calm down.

Examine your intent. Is it to hurt the other person or work toward a compromise? Avoid absolute words such as “always” or “never,” as they seldom lead to a constructive conversation.

Plan a date night. Have it in place early in the week so you can look forward to it.

– Jonathan Alpert is a licensed psychotherapist. E-mail him your questions at jonathan@jonathanalpert.com



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
News

Turkey: Voting begins in country's first direct presidential…

Some 53 million people are able to vote in the election, including 2.8 million citizens abroad. Until now, Turkish presidents were elected by parliament.

News

Libya seeks ceasefire as south Tripoli a militia…

By Patrick Markey and Aziz El YaakoubiTRIPOLI (Reuters) - Black plumes of smoke marked shell blasts and bulldozed earthen barricades mapped out the frontlines around…

Breaking: News

Russia mad about sanctions, says U.S. contributing to…

Russia reacted angrily on Saturday to additional sanctions imposed by the European Union over Moscow's role in the Ukraine crisis, saying they would hamper cooperation…

National

Mutant worms stay sober, even on alcohol

U.S. researchers have developed "mutant worms" that do not get drunk by alcohol, a breakthrough that could lead to new treatment for people trying to quit drinking

Movies

Review: Brett Ratner's big 'Hercules' movie is small…

The latest "Hercules," starring Dwayne Johnson as the half-god beefcake of Greek myth, strips its hero and tale of most of its fantastical elements.

Arts

Scientists recreate world's smallest Monet copy

Scientists have reproduced a famous Impressionist painting using nano-printing, to create what has been described as the world's smallest work of art. Reworked at the…

Television

Jerry Seinfeld is ambidextrous, and other Reddit AMA…

See some of the weirder highlights of Jerry Seinfeld's recent Reddit AMA.

Going Out

Grab a pedestrian and start dancing at What…

As a New Yorker, I’ve mastered the art of focusing my gaze straight ahead. Though it occasionally piques my interest, the absurdities that play out…

U.S. Soccer

Orlando City takes shot at NYCFC over Frank…

Orlando City reminded the world how big a signing Brazilian star Kaka earlier this month with a photo of Kaka mobbed by fans juxtaposed against Lampard.

NBA

Jeremy Lin says 'Linsanity' is over as he…

Jeremy Lin lit up the NBA two years ago with his play for the Knicks but he has no desire to recreate "Linsanity" in his new career with the Lakers.

NFL

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player…

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player rankings

U.S. Soccer

NYCFC announce signing of Frank Lampard

The tease of a big signing Thursday by new MLS side NYCFC ended up being one rumored for weeks. England midfielder Frank Lampard agreed to…

Tech

Forget Wi-Fi: Li-Fi could be the future

Li-Fi technology – developed by Mexican company Sisoft – is wireless internet connectivity using specialized LED light.

Tech

Weather app Climendo might be the most accurate…

The wait for a truly accurate weather forecast could finally be over thanks to a nifty new app called Climendo.

Tech

Napkin Table puts focus off the phone and…

Michael Jan, a design student at Tunghai University in Taiwan, has invented a serviette-picnic blanket hybrid called the Napkin Table.

Style

Essie's new Color Boutique

Essie launches high-tech kiosks at major airports and malls across the country.