‘He called me a c**t. Should I divorce him?’

Should she divorce him?

Susan* is a 34-year-old mother of two young children from Brooklyn. Her ten-year marriage is on the verge of collapse and she is asking for Metro readers’ advice. This is her story:

In March, New York is to hold its first divorce expo, where you can get advice on how to deal with the financial, family, health and emotional issues of a marriage break up.

Count me in.

I’ve been married ten years and we’ve filed divorce papers three times. For some reason we never took the final step.

It’s happening again, though. The tension, the misery, the suspicion, the uncertainty, the worry about our two children – will I take the final step this time? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

My marriage is dead. I know that. I knew the first time he hit me and the first time he called me a ‘c**t’ in front of the children.

I knew when our little one started screaming: “Daddy, stop being so mean to mommy”;  I knew when the menacing text messages started flooding my cellphone and when he admitted to using drugs.

It started when he began criticizing everything I did – from the way I dressed to the way I looked to the way I kept our house in Brooklyn – as if the state of the house was my responsibility and not ours.

We met in a whirlwind when I was younger and, according to him, more attractive. He has been through some trauma in his life, which causes me to feel so sorry for him. Is that why I have, so far, been unable to take the final step?

Now he’s unemployed and I’m the only breadwinner in our house. Sitting at home all day, or flunking the classes he’s taking to try to make something of himself seems to have made him worse. He wants to know where I am, and when.  I’ve stopped attending social events with co-workers because the suspicion, the paranoia, the vile accusations that I’m having affairs with multiple men – all untrue – are just too much to cope with.

My mom and dad and siblings pretend everything is fine between my husband and I. They’re too embarrassed to say otherwise.

My friends and co-workers, too, know what is going on but they treat me as if I’ve been bereaved – they might as well walk on by on the other side of the street, afraid to help – or interfere, as they’d have it.

No-one knows how lonely I’ve felt these last few years. If it wasn’t for my beautiful children I don’t think I could have coped.

Sadly, I still recall how it was in the early days – how he, young and handsome, swept me off my feet and promised to care for me forever. I remember that first flush of adrenaline, pleasure and, yes, lust. I still yearn for that, foolishly, I suppose, because all of those emotions have been battered out of me.

But I cannot forget. In his better moments, when he’s calm and not on the drugs, he can be caring – even if those high points are always diminished in my mind because I know, as sure as night follows day, that the next volley of abuse, the next round of accusations, the next insult is just around the corner?

I know that the grass often seems greener on the other side. How would I, a single, working mom of two young children, cope in the big bad world, alone?

My marriage might be a disaster, but what if this is as good as it gets?

I know some will say we ought to seek counseling, but financially, it’s out of the question. The monetary implications of a divorce also give me sleepless nights.

Might it be a better option to just carry on, to get through somehow until the children are older, until something turns up – until he sees the error of his ways, and understands that no man who professes to love his wife would every use such verbal and emotional cruelty?

The awful, prolonged, accusatory silences are agonizing. The daily uncertainty about his moods turns my guts, even as I write this.

But the leap of faith to end the marriage has been a leap too far. So far, anyway.

*Names have been changed, with the permission of the author, to protect identities.

Have you been in a similar position to Susan? Can you help with advice? Leave your comments:



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Mutant worms stay sober, even on alcohol

U.S. researchers have developed "mutant worms" that do not get drunk by alcohol, a breakthrough that could lead to new treatment for people trying to quit drinking

Local

K-9 nose helps capture $150K in cocaine at…

A furry, four-legged security agent helped authorities stop an illegal cocaine shipment from sneaking past JFK customs.

National

Minnesota man asked to leave Southwest flight after…

A man and his two sons were asked to leave a Southwest Airlines flight after the man sent a tweet complaining about being treated rudely by a gate agent.

National

Man sues hospital after surprise penis amputation

An Alabama man who went in to a hospital last month for a circumcision awoke after surgery to find his penis had been amputated, his lawyer said on Thursday.

Movies

Review: Brett Ratner's big 'Hercules' movie is small…

The latest "Hercules," starring Dwayne Johnson as the half-god beefcake of Greek myth, strips its hero and tale of most of its fantastical elements.

Arts

Scientists recreate world's smallest Monet copy

Scientists have reproduced a famous Impressionist painting using nano-printing, to create what has been described as the world's smallest work of art. Reworked at the…

Television

Jerry Seinfeld is ambidextrous, and other Reddit AMA…

See some of the weirder highlights of Jerry Seinfeld's recent Reddit AMA.

Going Out

Grab a pedestrian and start dancing at What…

As a New Yorker, I’ve mastered the art of focusing my gaze straight ahead. Though it occasionally piques my interest, the absurdities that play out…

NFL

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player…

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player rankings

U.S. Soccer

NYCFC announce signing of Frank Lampard

The tease of a big signing Thursday by new MLS side NYCFC ended up being one rumored for weeks. England midfielder Frank Lampard agreed to…

NBA

NBA great LeBron James sends 800 cupcake apologies…

By Kim PalmerCLEVELAND (Reuters) - NBA star LeBron James, whose recent return to the Cleveland Cavaliers in his home state of Ohio sparked a frenzy…

NFL

Jerry Reese confident with Giants, skipping countdown clocks…

Last year, Giants GM Jerry Reese installed a countdown clock in the locker room to inspire Big Blue to play in their own stadium for Super Bowl XLVIII.

Tech

Forget Wi-Fi: Li-Fi could be the future

Li-Fi technology – developed by Mexican company Sisoft – is wireless internet connectivity using specialized LED light.

Tech

Weather app Climendo might be the most accurate…

The wait for a truly accurate weather forecast could finally be over thanks to a nifty new app called Climendo.

Tech

Napkin Table puts focus off the phone and…

Michael Jan, a design student at Tunghai University in Taiwan, has invented a serviette-picnic blanket hybrid called the Napkin Table.

Style

Essie's new Color Boutique

Essie launches high-tech kiosks at major airports and malls across the country.