When we read about Jennifer Lopez and her boyfriend Casper Smart, we can sense some disapproval. He is often referred to as her boy toy or dancer boyfriend. The implication is that they are not on the same level. If this is the way the tabloids are handling their coupling, you have to wonder what her friends might be saying to her. Are they concerned this is a rebound relationship following her divorce from Marc Anthony? Are they telling her that Casper isn’t good enough? Whether you are in a relationship or just starting one, everyone is going to have an opinion — and typically it’s that you are with the wrong person. So who do you trust: you or the people who think they know what’s best for you? What should you say to those naysayers?

In JLo’s case, there is no question that Casper hasn’t achieved the professional success she has. But does it matter? The answer is: only if it bothers her. It is important to know when to go with what feels right for you. This might be a time in her life when she wants to lighten the mood a little, or maybe she likes the age difference. Or maybe he is much more her equal than any of us know from where we stand.

If you can be clear about why you are with someone, it will be much easier to deal with the negative remarks that might otherwise ignite your doubts. Once you have that clarity, you are equipped to handle people’s criticisms about your choice of partner.

Jennifer and Casper look pretty happy in the pictures we see. It’s hard to argue with that.

How to silence the haters

Here is the strategy for what to do when they disparage your relationship. Begin by asking what their specific concerns are. Then, you can respond by saying you are aware of the possible problems and are dealing with them. Or, if it is something you have not considered, you can listen and agree to give it some thought. The goal is to convey to them why your partner is important in your life and thank them for their concern.