This is why you’re not married

Author and television writer Tracy McMillan tells it like it is.

Hey ladies, want to know why you can’t seem to find a long-term relationship? Tracy McMillan has some choice words for you. She says it’s either because you’re a b–, a slut, a mess, a liar, selfish, not good enough, crazy, shallow or godless.

But before you get up in arms over these accusations, know that what she means isn’t as harsh as those pronouncements sound. For example, by saying “you’re not good enough” McMilllian explains that it’s a woman’s negative attitude about herself that allows her to accept poor treatment from men. She adds that, “A lot of people go looking for in a partner something that they don’t even realize that they believe is missing in themselves.”

But the extreme nature of the bullet points of McMillan’s message did make her original Huffington Post essay, “Why You’re Not Married” set the record number of page views for the site since it was posted in February 2011. McMillan’s straight talk about how women can sabotage their own relationships is the kind of sage wisdom most dating books avoid.

“Finding someone that you are going to love one day at a time for the rest of your life isn’t something you can hunt down and kill,” McMillan says. “You need to operate in the part that’s kind of beyond what you can control. What that means to me is that he may not look like what he’s supposed to look like or have the job you think he’s supposed to have. What you need could be very different from what you think you want, and I feel like a lot of dating advice books don’t speak to that.”

McMillan explains that love is work — “the ultimate yoga” — and that it’s about examining our own behaviors before blaming the dating market.

“It’s not easy to love another person because we’re all really flawed, but I think if you can learn how to love yourself with your own flaws and work at making yourself better. You can also love another person and create a space for them to make themselves better,” she says.

Where does McMillan get all this great advice from? Being married three times. She freely admits that she’s made every mistake in the book, but all that experience has sharpened her sensibilities when it comes to dating.

“Oftentimes I’ll be talking to someone who wants to be in a long-term relationship but can’t figure out why she doesn’t have one. And I can see it,” she says. “It’s because she seems angry or she’s not nice or because she’s dating guys who aren’t willing to be in a relationship with her. I know a handful of women who can have casual sex, but that’s a handful. The rest of us, we’re so hung up on that guy six months later.”

Buy the book

   
“Why You’re Not Married … Yet” will be released on May 29th. Reserve a copy now!



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Newest java joint in bastion of hipness is…

Little may represent the change the neighborhood is undergoing right now like the arrival of the first Starbucks. The chain which is ubiquitous in Manhattan, opened a Williamsburg store at…

National

Black and white are the new orange at…

By Brendan O'Brien(Reuters) - Black and white are the new orange in a Michigan county where the sheriff has made a wardrobe change for jail…

National

Traps set after reports of giant snake on…

New Jersey animal control workers have set traps to snare a reported 20-foot-long serpent slithering through the waters of Lake Hopatcong.

Local

NYPD: Stroller carrying 2-year-old rolls onto Queens subway…

A 2-year-old girl in a stroller rolled onto subway tracks in Queens on Monday morning, police said.

Entertainment

‘The Leftovers’ recap: Season 1, Episode 4, ‘B.J.…

Last week’s episode of “The Leftovers” was apparently a fluke, because this week’s episode returns to focusing on the Garveys and it is so boring.…

Movies

Interview: Luc Besson says 'Lucy' is very different…

Filmmaker Luc Besson talks about his new film "Lucy," how it's different than "Limitless" and his crazy first conversation with Egyptian actor Amr Waked.

Music

Weezer releases first new song since 2010

Weezer releases "Back to the Shack," their first new song in almost six years.

Movies

Benedict Cumberbatch plays a different kind of genius…

The man known worldwide for his portrayal of London's eccentric private detective Sherlock Holmes is trading his Belstaff coat for tweed this fall. Benedict Cumberbatch…

NFL

'Vicktory dogs' travel road to rehabilitation seven years…

Of the dozens of dogs groomed by Bad Newz Kennels, 48 were rescued and 22 of the pit bull terriers have emerged at Best Friends Animal Society.

MLB

Yankees looking at trade for Cliff Lee, according…

Yankees looking at trade for Cliff Lee, according to report

NFL

Giants lineman Chris Snee to retire: Reports

The Giants report to training camp on Tuesday, but Chris Snee may not be there when they do.

NBA

Carmelo Anthony talks about his charity work in…

As he is used to doing every year, NBA All-Star Carmelo Anthony is going to visit Puerto Rico to do work for his foundation.

Tech

RocketSkates let users roll with a motor

Los Angeles company Acton has raised funds on Kickstarter to roll out a nifty alternative – motor-powered "RocketSkates."

Tech

Knicks star Carmelo Anthony becomes a tech entrepreneur

He's been an All-Star, an Olympian, and a celebrity spokesperson. Now NBA player Carmelo Anthony is adding the position "tech entrepreneur" to his resume. Along…

Tech

Ulises 1 is the world's first singing satellite

A group of artists and engineers in Mexico have unveiled Ulises 1, the world's first opera-singing satellite.

Home

Wallscape on a budget

Skip the wallpaper and ombre an accent wall instead.