Eleanor Wells redefines ‘Spinsterlicious’
“I love having a boyfriend. I love having him go home,” says Eleanore Wells, the vivacious author of “The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single & Childfree.” Wells has not had what many consider the traditional life. By middle age, she is unmarried and child-free. And she’s sick of people pitying her for it.
“I don’t think husbands and kids are for everybody,” she says. “I think they’re really good things to have, but lots of women, either by choice or by circumstance, are not going to have that. My belief is that you owe yourself a good life, no matter what your circumstance is. … I’m living proof, because I have a fantastic life.
Having been a source of inspiration to her other single friends, Wells decided to outline, in her book, all of the benefits of singledom. Her points are not aimed at rejecting coupling, but at leading a full life while alone, which can also lead to being not so single anymore.
“You can certainly figure out a way to celebrate all the other good things that are going on in your life,” says Wells. “And happy people often attract other people.”
Pearls of Wells’ wisdom:
If your ex was a jerk the first time around, he’s still be a jerk next time around: “If [your reason for breaking up the first time was] personality- or behavior-related –he was a jerk, he wasn’t nice, if he was mean, if he cheated — you know those are four things that kind of say something about the person. Don’t go there.”
You can’t force chemistry: “I think you kind of know relatively quickly whether you are drawn to someone. … I don’t think you can fake that. I don’t think you can force it. So, there was a time when I would meet, you know, what we would call your ‘standard nice guy,’ and I’d feel nothing and I’d say, ‘Oh, but he’s so great, he’s a good person! I should be attracted to him. I should want to date him.’ It doesn’t work.”
Babies aren’t for everybody: “There’s almost nothing else you can do in life that you can’t take back or change in any way. Having a kid is. You have to be 100 percent all the way in, and so if there’s doubt there, I think you should wait until there is no doubt.