When parents won’t let go

Another call from the ’rents? Talk to them in person about how you feel.

The question:
I’m 28 years old and my parents still treat me like a kid, calling me every day to “check in” and constantly asking my whereabouts. How can I get them to let up?

Every adult was once somebody’s child. Consequently, it’s hard for many parents to accept that their children are grown-ups. While your parents’ behavior might be appropriate for a teenager, it’s a bit extreme at your age. Before you say something to them, I suggest that you examine your own attitudes about your parents’ behavior. For example, do you feel somewhat reassured that you still have loved ones looking out for you? Are they the first people you consult when you have a problem or decision to make?

If the answer is “yes,” then you may want to explore your own reservations about feeling completely independent. You could be subtly communicating to your parents that you need their support.

Once you’ve checked in with yourself, and determined that you are ready to fully embrace your independence, then arrange a time to speak with your parents, preferably in person. Tell them that while you love them and appreciate their concern, you would also like them to stop calling and checking in on you so frequently. Explain that it undermines your sense of confidence and independence.

You might want to suggest an actual number of times a week when they can call, or promise to call or text twice a week or every Sunday to say hello. If they refuse, or don’t listen, you can exercise your right not to answer the phone every time they call.

Honoring one’s parents shouldn’t come at the price of honoring yourself.

– Kim Schneiderman, MSW, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and former journalist with a private practice in New York City. She is currently working on her first book, “How to Be the Star of Your Own Story: Writing the Path to Personal Transformation,” based on the therapeutic writing workshops she’s taught at the 92nd Street Y and JCC in Manhattan.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

OkCupid admits to Facebook-style experimenting on customers

By Sarah McBrideSAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - OkCupid, a top U.S. matchmaking website, intentionally mismatched users to test its technology, the IAC/InterActive Corp service said on…

Local

MTA fares still increasing 4 percent in newly…

The agency said the 4 percent increases, previously announced in December, will remain steady even as the MTA deals with increasing labor costs.

Local

De Blasio, Bratton defend city's efforts after Eric…

Mayor Bill de Blasio justified the city's response to the death of Eric Garner, a Staten Island man who died while in police custody earlier this month.

National

PHOTO: New Zealand Heral uses wrong image to…

The New Zealand Herald made a terrible mistake of using the wrong image to illustrate the tragic death of Staff Sergeant Guy Boyland – a New Zealand-born Israeli soldier who…

Movies

Interview: Brendan Gleeson on the way 'Calvary' depicts…

Brendan Gleeson talks about how his new film "Calvary" began over drinks and how his character here is the opposite of the lead in "The Guard."

Movies

'Get on Up' producer Mick Jagger on the…

Mick Jagger, a producer on the James Brown biopic "Get on Up," talks about the time had to tell the singer some bad news and his favorite JB record.

Television

'Glee' star Lea Michele to appear on 'Sons…

"Glee" star Lea Michele has been confirmed as a guest star in the final season of "Sons of Anarchy."

Television

TV watch list, Monday, July 28: 'The Bachelorette'…

See Andi Dorfman make her big choice on tonight's 'Bachelorette' finale.

NFL

Larry Donnell has inside track in Giants tight…

Little-known Larry Donnell of Grambling State currently has the inside track, as the second-year player has received the bulk of the first-team reps.

NFL

Computer to Jets: Start Michael Vick over Geno…

Jets general manager John Idzik says the choice of who starts between second-year quarterback Geno Smith and veteran Michael Vick will be a “Jets decision.”

MLB

Yankees looking to trade for Josh Willingham: Report

CBS Sports’ Jon Heyman reported Sunday the Yankees are interested in Twins outfielder Josh Willingham.

MLB

Joe Torre: I'm in Hall of Fame because…

Joe Torre spent 18 years putting together a near Hall of Fame career as a player. But it was the 12 years he spent as…

Travel

Glasgow: Hey, hey, the gangs aren't here

This European city has done a good job getting rid of its more violent residents and revitalizing with artists.

Education

Babson College tops list of best colleges for…

Money magazine has just released its inaugural list of "The Best Colleges for Your Money" -- and the answers have surprised many. Babson College, which…

Education

NYC teens learn how to develop apps during…

Through a program sponsored by CampInteractive, the high schoolers designed their own community-focused apps.

Tech

The Ministry of Silly Walks app is both…

Monty Python have dug into their back catalogue for cash-ins once more, but with the Ministry of Silly Walks app, they've made something that's fun too.