Ensure you’re on the same page in your relationship

Bachelorette Emily Maynard had to deny many suitors before passing out her final rose to fiance Jef Holm. 
.

Not all roads to romance offer a clear ride. Sometimes the signs are harder to read than others. As Emily Maynard, this season’s Bachelorette, handed out roses, the message was pretty clear: stay or go. But short of gathering for the ABC show’s famous rose ceremony, is it possible to miss the message? Might an important lane shift have taken place that you somehow didn’t notice? And what can you do to protect yourself against the turbulence of an unexpectedly bumpy ride?

Take for example, Lucy, who came to me for advice. She was dating a guy named Adam with the usual excitement and reservation that comes at the start of any promising possibility. But Adam took off, gaining speed faster than she expected: telling her how much he liked her, wanting her to meet his friends, calling and texting all the time. Since she liked him too, she joined in and went along for the ride. Before she knew it, though, she was ahead of him, and he had slowed down, suddenly saying he couldn’t keep up with her expectations. Because he continued to stay connected, she didn’t realize what that might mean. So she kept going at the same momentum. And then she didn’t hear from him. That was two weeks ago.

She was angry, and didn’t understand what had happened. How can you make sure you don’t get ahead of the relationship, particularly if one person is coming on strong? Before you let yourself go full-steam ahead, you might want to build in a few speed bumps for yourself. There are some people who jump into a relationship fast, and then want out fast, and you want to protect yourself from getting too attached if there is the chance that person could burn out.

You can do that by being aware of when and how much of your feelings you share. If they say they like you, you can reciprocate with an, “I like you too, let’s see where this goes.” If they want you to meet their friends, suggest you get to know each other a little better first. Build a foundation under the two of you before getting carried away.

When Adam told Lucy he couldn’t keep up with her, it was the equivalent of the Bachelorette’s not offering a rose. It just took her a little while to realize it, and by then she was halfway down the highway and looking forward to the road trip. Once you’re there, it’s harder to come back.

— Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is the creator of “Shrink Wrap” – national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships – and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Mutant worms stay sober, even on alcohol

U.S. researchers have developed "mutant worms" that do not get drunk by alcohol, a breakthrough that could lead to new treatment for people trying to quit drinking

Local

K-9 nose helps capture $150K in cocaine at…

A furry, four-legged security agent helped authorities stop an illegal cocaine shipment from sneaking past JFK customs.

National

Minnesota man asked to leave Southwest flight after…

A man and his two sons were asked to leave a Southwest Airlines flight after the man sent a tweet complaining about being treated rudely by a gate agent.

National

Man sues hospital after surprise penis amputation

An Alabama man who went in to a hospital last month for a circumcision awoke after surgery to find his penis had been amputated, his lawyer said on Thursday.

Movies

Review: Brett Ratner's big 'Hercules' movie is small…

The latest "Hercules," starring Dwayne Johnson as the half-god beefcake of Greek myth, strips its hero and tale of most of its fantastical elements.

Arts

Scientists recreate world's smallest Monet copy

Scientists have reproduced a famous Impressionist painting using nano-printing, to create what has been described as the world's smallest work of art. Reworked at the…

Television

Jerry Seinfeld is ambidextrous, and other Reddit AMA…

See some of the weirder highlights of Jerry Seinfeld's recent Reddit AMA.

Going Out

Grab a pedestrian and start dancing at What…

As a New Yorker, I’ve mastered the art of focusing my gaze straight ahead. Though it occasionally piques my interest, the absurdities that play out…

U.S. Soccer

Orlando City takes shot at NYCFC over Frank…

Orlando City reminded the world how big a signing Brazilian star Kaka earlier this month with a photo of Kaka mobbed by fans juxtaposed against Lampard.

NBA

Jeremy Lin says 'Linsanity' is over as he…

Jeremy Lin lit up the NBA two years ago with his play for the Knicks but he has no desire to recreate "Linsanity" in his new career with the Lakers.

NFL

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player…

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player rankings

U.S. Soccer

NYCFC announce signing of Frank Lampard

The tease of a big signing Thursday by new MLS side NYCFC ended up being one rumored for weeks. England midfielder Frank Lampard agreed to…

Tech

Forget Wi-Fi: Li-Fi could be the future

Li-Fi technology – developed by Mexican company Sisoft – is wireless internet connectivity using specialized LED light.

Tech

Weather app Climendo might be the most accurate…

The wait for a truly accurate weather forecast could finally be over thanks to a nifty new app called Climendo.

Tech

Napkin Table puts focus off the phone and…

Michael Jan, a design student at Tunghai University in Taiwan, has invented a serviette-picnic blanket hybrid called the Napkin Table.

Style

Essie's new Color Boutique

Essie launches high-tech kiosks at major airports and malls across the country.