The hookup: Oh, to have a crush

The slow burn of a crush may be exhilarating, but avoid dismissing someone that doesn’t strike your fancy right off the bat.

Meet Amber
   
Hi readers! I’ll
be writing this column every-other Thursday. If you have any questions
about dating or have any topics you’d like covered, tweet me at @ambermadi.

It usually starts with a brief interaction that — from the outside — probably didn’t look too significant. But from that interaction, a crush was born. With every casual run-in, something else would convince you that your crush was perfect. And as you admired him or her from afar, the pedestal you put your object of affection on grew higher and higher.

In the real world, our dating pool consists of strangers that we either meet at a bar, through a friend or online. And disappointingly, meeting these strangers is often pretty unspectacular. But that’s not because singles in your city suck. Decades of research on interpersonal attraction show that the more we see a person, the more we like them — meaning there’s only so much you’re physically capable of liking someone you just met. You can’t expect to have a crush on someone you’ve just started dating, simply because you don’t know them well enough. 

Living in a city full of people can make it feel like your options are endless. But it’s a mistake to jump from one person to the next, waiting for someone who lives up to your every fantasy. No one will. Date conversations illuminate such a small sliver of who someone is. Some of the people you’ve dismissed might be ones you would have developed feelings for if you had met them in another context.

If you’ve been lucky enough to actually date someone you spent months fantasizing about, you know that person can’t exactly live up to who you built him or her up to be. So while the prospect of dating someone you haven’t put on a pedestal for months is certainly less exciting, it is more real. And reality is a good thing, because it’s not eighth grade anymore.

Now, we’re playing for keeps.   



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Brooklyn man charged in roommate's stabbing death

A Brooklyn man accused of violently stabbing his roommate to death on Monday is in police custody and faces murder charges.

International

Dinosaurs could have survived asteroid strike

It turns out there is a good and a bad time for the planet to be hit by a meteor, and dinosaurs were just unlucky.…

National

OkCupid admits to Facebook-style experimenting on customers

By Sarah McBrideSAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - OkCupid, a top U.S. matchmaking website, intentionally mismatched users to test its technology, the IAC/InterActive Corp service said on…

Local

MTA fares still increasing 4 percent in newly…

The agency said the 4 percent increases, previously announced in December, will remain steady even as the MTA deals with increasing labor costs.

Movies

Interview: Brendan Gleeson on the way 'Calvary' depicts…

Brendan Gleeson talks about how his new film "Calvary" began over drinks and how his character here is the opposite of the lead in "The Guard."

Movies

'Get on Up' producer Mick Jagger on the…

Mick Jagger, a producer on the James Brown biopic "Get on Up," talks about the time had to tell the singer some bad news and his favorite JB record.

Television

'Glee' star Lea Michele to appear on 'Sons…

"Glee" star Lea Michele has been confirmed as a guest star in the final season of "Sons of Anarchy."

Television

TV watch list, Monday, July 28: 'The Bachelorette'…

See Andi Dorfman make her big choice on tonight's 'Bachelorette' finale.

MLB

Angelo Cataldi: Ryan Howard deserves better from Phillies

Just last week, Ryan Howard endured the embarrassment of a benching that was inevitable, and yet still shocking.

NFL

Larry Donnell has inside track in Giants tight…

Little-known Larry Donnell of Grambling State currently has the inside track, as the second-year player has received the bulk of the first-team reps.

NFL

Computer to Jets: Start Michael Vick over Geno…

Jets general manager John Idzik says the choice of who starts between second-year quarterback Geno Smith and veteran Michael Vick will be a “Jets decision.”

MLB

Yankees looking to trade for Josh Willingham: Report

CBS Sports’ Jon Heyman reported Sunday the Yankees are interested in Twins outfielder Josh Willingham.

Travel

Glasgow: Hey, hey, the gangs aren't here

This European city has done a good job getting rid of its more violent residents and revitalizing with artists.

Education

Babson College tops list of best colleges for…

Money magazine has just released its inaugural list of "The Best Colleges for Your Money" -- and the answers have surprised many. Babson College, which…

Education

NYC teens learn how to develop apps during…

Through a program sponsored by CampInteractive, the high schoolers designed their own community-focused apps.

Tech

The Ministry of Silly Walks app is both…

Monty Python have dug into their back catalogue for cash-ins once more, but with the Ministry of Silly Walks app, they've made something that's fun too.