Yes, you want a relationship. And that’s OK

You don’t have to be so blase about wanting a committed relationship.

We’ve come to approach “relationships” like they’re four-letter words — we’re so quick to tell people we don’t want one. Complete independence seems to be our ultimate goal because, you know, who wants to be the loser that’s actually looking for a relationship? If it happens “organically” (whatever that means) it’s fine. But whether you’re a guy or girl, actually seeking one out is entirely uncool.

It’s funny we act this way, because this anti-relationship stance runs completely counter to our biology and everything we know about what makes us happy. Humans are deeply connected and interrelational beings. Darwin believed that our social nature is what allows us to thrive as a species. Study after study show that people are not only happier, but physically healthier and live longer if they’re in relationships. Your risk of everything from depression to cancer to getting the flu is decreased significantly when there is a significant other in your life. 

And yet, we find it so embarrassing, vulnerable and weak to admit that we want to have a relationship — when this is a totally normal and healthy thing to want. Having an “incapacity for love” and “impersonal sex life” are literally two of the 16 characteristics used to diagnose a psychopath. How did we get to this point of convincing ourselves that approaching romantic relationships like we’re mentally ill was the “rational” thing to do? It’s not. It undermines our happiness, and it completely denies the very essence of what separates us from lower animals — our ability to form deep romantic connections.

Your life isn’t a rom-com, and being a commitment-phobe doesn’t earn you bonus points anywhere. Sure, you can convince yourself that the excitement of casual sex and the ease of no strings attached relationships is enough to override your true biological urges. But in the end, the person you’re screwing by doing this is yourself. We’re all looking for relationships (or at least we should be). And maybe that feels like an uncool and pathetic thing to admit. But hey, at least we’re all uncool and pathetic together.

— Amber Madison is a Manhattan-based relationship expert and dating coach. She is the author of ‘Are All Guys Assholes?’ for which she traveled the country, spoke to over 1,000 men and discovered that the answer to this question is no. You can follow her on Twitter @ambermadi or online at www.ambermadisononline.com



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Brooklyn man charged in roommate's stabbing death

A Brooklyn man accused of violently stabbing his roommate to death on Monday is in police custody and faces murder charges.

International

Dinosaurs could have survived asteroid strike

It turns out there is a good and a bad time for the planet to be hit by a meteor, and dinosaurs were just unlucky.…

National

OkCupid admits to Facebook-style experimenting on customers

By Sarah McBrideSAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - OkCupid, a top U.S. matchmaking website, intentionally mismatched users to test its technology, the IAC/InterActive Corp service said on…

Local

MTA fares still increasing 4 percent in newly…

The agency said the 4 percent increases, previously announced in December, will remain steady even as the MTA deals with increasing labor costs.

Movies

Interview: Brendan Gleeson on the way 'Calvary' depicts…

Brendan Gleeson talks about how his new film "Calvary" began over drinks and how his character here is the opposite of the lead in "The Guard."

Movies

'Get on Up' producer Mick Jagger on the…

Mick Jagger, a producer on the James Brown biopic "Get on Up," talks about the time had to tell the singer some bad news and his favorite JB record.

Television

'Glee' star Lea Michele to appear on 'Sons…

"Glee" star Lea Michele has been confirmed as a guest star in the final season of "Sons of Anarchy."

Television

TV watch list, Monday, July 28: 'The Bachelorette'…

See Andi Dorfman make her big choice on tonight's 'Bachelorette' finale.

MLB

Angelo Cataldi: Ryan Howard deserves better from Phillies

Just last week, Ryan Howard endured the embarrassment of a benching that was inevitable, and yet still shocking.

NFL

Larry Donnell has inside track in Giants tight…

Little-known Larry Donnell of Grambling State currently has the inside track, as the second-year player has received the bulk of the first-team reps.

NFL

Computer to Jets: Start Michael Vick over Geno…

Jets general manager John Idzik says the choice of who starts between second-year quarterback Geno Smith and veteran Michael Vick will be a “Jets decision.”

MLB

Yankees looking to trade for Josh Willingham: Report

CBS Sports’ Jon Heyman reported Sunday the Yankees are interested in Twins outfielder Josh Willingham.

Travel

Glasgow: Hey, hey, the gangs aren't here

This European city has done a good job getting rid of its more violent residents and revitalizing with artists.

Education

Babson College tops list of best colleges for…

Money magazine has just released its inaugural list of "The Best Colleges for Your Money" -- and the answers have surprised many. Babson College, which…

Education

NYC teens learn how to develop apps during…

Through a program sponsored by CampInteractive, the high schoolers designed their own community-focused apps.

Tech

The Ministry of Silly Walks app is both…

Monty Python have dug into their back catalogue for cash-ins once more, but with the Ministry of Silly Walks app, they've made something that's fun too.