Shrink Wrap: When can you be yourself in a relationship?

Who wouldn’t want to accept ScarJo for being ScarJo?

Typically celebrities meet and fall in love while they are working on a project or walking down the red carpet, so they are usually at their best. So the question is, if you meet under fairy-tale circumstances, like actress Scarlett Johansson and reported new boyfriend Romain Dauriac did, when can you let your hair down with a romantic partner and just be yourself? You certainly don’t have to be a celebrity to be faced with this dilemma.

Anyone who is beginning to date can get caught up in working hard to be his or her best self — whatever that might mean. You want to be seen in the greatest possible light, which might lead you to always make sure your hair, makeup and clothes are perfect. It might also force you to be superaware of what you are saying and doing at all times, wanting to make a good impression. Not only does that require a whole lot of energy, it might ultimately lead to your holding back from expressing your own needs in an effort to make the other person happy.

What happens, though, if you let your guard down and express your preferences? Does your partner welcome it — or get annoyed and make demands, wondering where the old hypersolicitous person went? If all is well, hopefully you feel accepted and you can continue to open up and be yourself, which will make the relationship grow. If not, and your partner seems uncomfortable with the real you, then talk about the things that are important to you and see if he or she is able and willing to understand them and be responsive. If your partner can’t, and seems to want just that “best” you, then you might be in a dead-end relationship.

The goal is to be able to relax and feel safe so that you can be genuine and not self-conscious. You want to feel free to voice your wishes, not worry about being judged.  After all, who can be red carpet-ready all the time?

— Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is creator of “Shrink Wrap” – national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships – and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

'Five Star': A coming-of-age story about Brooklyn's gang…

'Five Star' tells a coming-of-age story about Brooklyn's gang culture at the Tribeca Film Festival.

National

New statue of Penn State's Paterno set for…

By David DeKokHARRISBURG, Pennsylvania (Reuters) - Fundraising for a new statue depicting Joe Paterno "as the man he was and not Joe the football coach"…

Local

NYPD detective shoots partner: DA

A New York City Police detective was arrested early Thursday and charged with driving under the influence while on the clock.

Local

Judge strikes down NY limits on donations to…

A federal judge on Thursday reluctantly struck down New York's limits on donations to independent political action committees as unconstitutional, potentially ushering in a new…

Music

Championship of Collegiate a Cappella: Students who are…

Tickets to this Saturday’s International Championship of Collegiate a Cappella reportedly sold out within 11 hours of going on sale.

Music

M.I.A. talks 'Matangi,' divinity, spontaneity and holograms

"There’s pressure for me to become a theatrical production like 'Glee,' or something" says M.I.A., "It’s like, 'the pressure’s on, bitches.'"

Movies

Tribeca: 'Goodbye to All That' star Paul Schneider…

Paul Schneider talks about his new film "Goodbye to All That," not acting too much and how he'd rather indulge in simple pleasures than play the scene.

The Word

Taylor Swift battles paparazzi daily at Tribeca penthouse

We're entranced by these photos of poor Taylor Swift leaving her Tribeca apartment.

NHL

Rangers unlikely to change lineup, Steve Mason in…

Rangers head coach Alain Vigneault wouldn't say much, but don't expect any lineup changes.

NBA

Jason Collins named to Time's 100 Most Influential…

Jason Collins was named to the list after coming out as the first openly gay player to appear in an NBA game.

NBA

Nets excited for Brooklyn fans to bring the…

Kevin Garnett has definitely used profanity while trash talking or in practices, but never to describe an entire borough.

NHL

Rangers turn up shot blocking in Game 3…

Game 3 of the Rangers-Flyers opneing round series was not a return to John Tortorella hockey.

Parenting

New study: Inside the wage gap between boys…

According to a new study, there's a wage gap between boys and girls, with boys earning more allowance for less chores.

Tech

From Apple TV to Fire TV, big changes…

Apple is set to launch a new generation of it's Apple TV, which grossed over $1 billion in 2013. But competition from Amazon and Google looms.

Style

Katy Perry releases a new Claire’s collection

Katy Perry expands her empire by releasing an accessories collection at Claire's.

Style

MAC & Proenza Schouler collection unveiled

MAC Cosmetics is releasing a new collection with Proenza Schouler.