No joke – Caps player makes gesture, suggests Bruin Milan Lucic is a crybaby

Washington Capitals forward Karl Alzner and his much talked about taunt.

When Metro witnessed Washington Capitals forward Karl Alzner gesture at Bruins star Milan Lucic to insinuate he is a crybaby, we were thoroughly confused.

Even Lucic’s teammates were confused.

At only 23 years old, Lucic already has a Stanley Cup ring — something Alzner does not have.

What would Lucic have to cry about?

So while Alzner, who had one fighting penalty in 2011-12, is probably busy preparing for tonight’s Game 4 by reading a how-to guide on self-defense, Metro took the liberty of compiling a list to help him understand that he, the Capitals and Washington, D.C., have a lot more to cry about than Lucic, the Bruins and Boston.

First, Bostonians pride ourselves on our driving ability — albeit aggressive. The Capitals star player Alexander Ovechkin may need some parking tips. As previously documented on The Washington Post’s D.C. Sports Bog, Ovechkin unnecessarily takes up multiple parking spaces with his Mercedes Benz. What did he do with his money for driving lessons? We know he didn’t spend it on music lessons (see his cameo in Russian rapper Sasha Belyi’s “Champion” video).

Also, Massachusetts has 12 voting members in the House of Representatives and the Senate. Washington, D.C., has zero. The roughly 600,000 residents of the district do have a delegate in Congress, but that person cannot vote on laws. That’s sort of like winning the Southeast Division four years in a row and never making it past the semifinals. What’s the point?

Finally, Boston is a proud hockey town with an Original Six team and six Stanley Cup victories. But despite the Cup banners, the Bruins have at least been to a Stanley Cup finals and won a game. The Capitals, in their 37-year existence, have been to one Stanley Cup championship and they were swept.
Don’t cry for Lucic or Boston, Alzner. Cry for yourself.

By the minutes

Karl Alzner picked on the wrong Bruin. Alzner has just a fraction of the penalty minutes seasoned fighter Milan Lucic has accumulated
   
Alzner collected 29 penalty minutes in the 2011-12 season.
   
He had two roughing penalties in separate games in February and March. One was against the Bruins.
   
Alzner’s one 5-minute fighting major penalty this past season came in January.
   
We lost count of all of Lucic’s roughing and fighting penalty minutes, but during the 2011-12 season he racked up 135 total minutes.    



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Sprint and T-Mobile offer further price discounts

Sprint unveiled a plan on Thursday that gives subscribers access to unlimited data for $60 a month, the industry's cheapest unlimited data offering.

National

Hundreds pay it forward at Florida Starbucks in…

The spontaneous chain of kindness continued for about 11 hours, totaling 457 transactions by the time it ended.

National

Weather system east of Caribbean could turn into…

An area of low pressure located east of the Caribbean Sea has a 50 percent chance of becoming a tropical depression or storm in the next 48 hours, U.S. forecasters…

National

U.S. hospital to discharge doctor treated with experimental…

An American doctor who contracted Ebola treating victims of the deadly virus in Liberia has recovered and will be discharged on Thursday by the Atlanta hospital that treated him with…

Movies

Review: 'When the Game Stands Tall' is both…

The high school football saga "When the Game Stands Tall" fumbles around for a focus while Jim Caviezel offers the most low-key coach in history.

Movies

Girlfriend in a coma: Chloe Grace Moretz

Chloe Grace Moretz is the best cheerleader "If I Stay" could ask for. As the star of the film adaptation of the successful YA novel…

The Word

The Word: Summer lovin' for Zac Efron and…

Ah, the summer romance. So intense, so fleeting. With Labor Day fast approaching, it should come as little surprise that the incredibly surprising romance between…

The Word

The Word: The Zac Efron-Michelle Rodriguez summer fling…

  Ah, the summer romance. So intense, so fleeting. With Labor Day fast approaching, it should come as little surprise that the incredibly surprising romance…

NFL

Fantasy football draft guide: How to draft your…

Many are wondering if we’re entering a new age in fantasy football drafting — one where running backs take a backseat.

NFL

Jets vs. Giants: 3 Giants storylines to watch

The Giants have plenty to work on as they reach the dress rehearsal preseason game Friday night against the rival Jets.

NFL

Jets vs. Giants: 3 Jets storylines to watch

Metro looks at three Jets storylines to watch as they play the Giants Friday.

NFL

Giants expected to work Corey Washington into first-team…

The day of reckoning for the Giants' fringe players will fall upon them Friday night against the Jets.

Sex

Big weddings may lead to long-term happiness

Dreaming of a big wedding? A new study indicates that the longer your guest list, the happier you’ll be in the long run. l A…

Sex

Online dating for every generation

Frank Jackson and his mother Maggie are like lots of modern families: They have dinner together regularly, keep each other updated on their lives —…

Wellbeing

Going green could be the key to getting…

If we could just pursue the things that would actually make us happy, we could help the environment too, according to a New York researcher.…

Tech

Siren: A new dating app that puts women…

Online dating can be brutal, especially for single women. Noting that many women hate wading through inappropriate messages and photos, two tech entrepreneurs decided to…