John Bolaris: What to do when you’re dating a ‘man child’

john bolaris

In this column, I will be giving some relationship advice. “Hmm,” you must be asking, “is this guy some kind of a psychologist? A couples counselor? Doctor of Love?” No, not really, but for those who have followed my history, let’s just say I have dated quite a bit.

Yes, I was married. It didn’t work. I fell in and out of love more times than I wish to count and had my share of really meaningless relationships. I was always looking for that someone so special. You know, “This is the one, I just know it” and then three weeks later you’re downing a few cocktails with buddies and thinking, “What was I thinking?”

It’s so tough to find that someone that fits in with your complexities — the perfect soul mate. But as of today I believe I found that someone and, yes, I’m in love and engaged to be married. So with years of experience I’m here to listen to you and give you some honest advice from just an average dude.

One woman writes she is “tired of dating a man child.” She is 30 years old and so is he. They’ve been together for five years and live together and are both stable financially and in their careers.

She states they have never really discussed their future together as far as marriage and kids. He insists on going out one night a week with the boys and comes home drunk or not at all. She doesn’t think he is cheating on her, but she worries his friends may pressure him into doing things.

She’s not sure if he will ever grow up and settle down with her or anybody. He has never talked about his partying or future. She doesn’t want to give him an ultimatum or push him into something he doesn’t want to do, but she doesn’t want to be stuck with someone who will never become an adult.

Number one, you definitely need to have a big “We need to talk.” Going out with your buddies once a week is fine, but its totally unacceptable not to come home at all. This isn’t on his friends, it’s on him.

And by you saying, “I don’t think he is cheating on me,” it really means “I think he is cheating on me,” but you don’t want to think that. You’re turning a blind eye and you’re going to get terribly hurt by this.

And asking him about your future together is not an ultimatum, but a genuine concern. By the looks of this, you have every reason to have your doubts. You need to confront this now. You sound like a loyal and loving woman who just wants her man to be the same.

Finally, it seems like your man child might not be ready to truly commit at this time. Don’t be so available — let him think he might actually lose you, because I believe he actually will. It’s on both of you to save this. Stay strong!

Got a question for John Bolaris? Send it to letters@metro.us.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Brooklyn man charged in roommate's stabbing death

A Brooklyn man accused of violently stabbing his roommate to death on Monday is in police custody and faces murder charges.

International

Dinosaurs could have survived asteroid strike

It turns out there is a good and a bad time for the planet to be hit by a meteor, and dinosaurs were just unlucky.…

National

OkCupid admits to Facebook-style experimenting on customers

By Sarah McBrideSAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - OkCupid, a top U.S. matchmaking website, intentionally mismatched users to test its technology, the IAC/InterActive Corp service said on…

Local

MTA fares still increasing 4 percent in newly…

The agency said the 4 percent increases, previously announced in December, will remain steady even as the MTA deals with increasing labor costs.

Movies

Interview: Brendan Gleeson on the way 'Calvary' depicts…

Brendan Gleeson talks about how his new film "Calvary" began over drinks and how his character here is the opposite of the lead in "The Guard."

Movies

'Get on Up' producer Mick Jagger on the…

Mick Jagger, a producer on the James Brown biopic "Get on Up," talks about the time had to tell the singer some bad news and his favorite JB record.

Television

'Glee' star Lea Michele to appear on 'Sons…

"Glee" star Lea Michele has been confirmed as a guest star in the final season of "Sons of Anarchy."

Television

TV watch list, Monday, July 28: 'The Bachelorette'…

See Andi Dorfman make her big choice on tonight's 'Bachelorette' finale.

MLB

Angelo Cataldi: Ryan Howard deserves better from Phillies

Just last week, Ryan Howard endured the embarrassment of a benching that was inevitable, and yet still shocking.

NFL

Larry Donnell has inside track in Giants tight…

Little-known Larry Donnell of Grambling State currently has the inside track, as the second-year player has received the bulk of the first-team reps.

NFL

Computer to Jets: Start Michael Vick over Geno…

Jets general manager John Idzik says the choice of who starts between second-year quarterback Geno Smith and veteran Michael Vick will be a “Jets decision.”

MLB

Yankees looking to trade for Josh Willingham: Report

CBS Sports’ Jon Heyman reported Sunday the Yankees are interested in Twins outfielder Josh Willingham.

Travel

Glasgow: Hey, hey, the gangs aren't here

This European city has done a good job getting rid of its more violent residents and revitalizing with artists.

Education

Babson College tops list of best colleges for…

Money magazine has just released its inaugural list of "The Best Colleges for Your Money" -- and the answers have surprised many. Babson College, which…

Education

NYC teens learn how to develop apps during…

Through a program sponsored by CampInteractive, the high schoolers designed their own community-focused apps.

Tech

The Ministry of Silly Walks app is both…

Monty Python have dug into their back catalogue for cash-ins once more, but with the Ministry of Silly Walks app, they've made something that's fun too.

Comments

2

  1. Pingback: John Bolaris Now a Dating Columnist for Metro | The Philly Post

  2. I think you give her great advice. Nice work!

    For the poster, read: “Maybe He’s Just NOT That Into You” — you’ll see that if he really was interested, he’d be all over you and you’d have no question.