May 21 ‘Doomsday’: How are you spending your final 10 days?
If you’ve seen the billboards or the bus ads (or even the ads on Metro’s own site) you’ll know that some people think the world is going to end on May 21! Despite criticism from some quarters, the California-based radio network Christian Stations Inc. is adamant that God will rain down fiery death upon us next Saturday, and there’s nothing we can do except pray. They’re probably wrong — but if they’re not, here are some suggestions of how to spend your last 10 days on Earth:
»Spend time with your loved ones.
»Try heroin. (Not a lot! Just a little, you know, to see what it’s like.)
»Check out some books from the library. When the clerk tells you they’re due back in two weeks, give a conspiratorial wink: "I’ll be sure to return them then!"
»Spend your entire workday sitting down and don’t get up for periodic walks.
»Try to invent the least-healthy food of all time. A deep-fried Chipotle burrito? A Mac-and-Cheesesteak? A KFC Triple Down?
»Smoke cigarettes. Next to a nuclear power plant. While wrapped in asbestos. In bright sunlight, without sunscreen.
But like we said, the world probably won’t end! So you’re probably OK to keep ignoring your loved ones.