‘Occupy Wall Street’: What do they want?

Occupy Wall Street: Because every protest is better with hashtags.

We know the protesters currently hanging out in downtown Manhattan are against Wall Street — that’s right in the name. But what are they for?

Let’s take a look at their Facebook page, which has a convenient poll where protesters (and anyone else with an Internet connection) can vote on their “one demand.”(If you say they should have decided on that ahead of time, well, hindsight…) What do they want? In order of popularity:

Revoke Corporate Personhood: Good point! It is sort of silly that corporations are people! We’re right there with you, we think.

End Corporate Welfare:
Well, what do you mean? Reduce tax loopholes? Sure, we get that. It’s outrageous the things these corporations do to avoid paying their fair share. But if you mean you don’t want any more bailouts, well… good luck hoping that the government was wrong about some companies becoming too big to fail.

Raise taxes on the top 2%!: As someone not in the top 2%, I say, heck yeah! If we’re going to get the deficit down, we’ve got the choice between enormously disrupting the lives of poor people, or mildly inconveniencing rich people. Let’s go with the latter.

Abolish capitalism: No.

Tax Wall Street:
Pretty sure this is happening already.

PUBLIC HEALTHCARE:
We’re in favor of this! Not sure what Wall Street can do about it, though.

Presidential Commission to Separate Money From Politics: Presidential Commission to Remove Dreams From Pipes.

End the wars, withdraw from Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Pakistan, Yemen, etc.: We don’t agree with this, but it’s a debate we should be having. Again, though, not so much to do with Wall Street.

Close half of America’s 1000 military bases:
We see where you’re coming from with this, but if unemployment is your big worry, shuttering 500 businesses is not the best idea.

Four-hour work day: Jesus. Go and confirm the stereotypes already.

DEMOCRACY NOT CORPORATOCRACY: OK! A little vague, but not bad. But stop shouting at us.

Resource-Based Economy: Yeah, this isn’t a video game. That’s not coming back, and you don’t want it to.

Legalize Marijuana: Of course.

Other less-serious goals, that may or nay not have been added by people affiliated with the protest:

–”A shrubbery”

–”Free the Unicorns!”

–”More Pies!”

–”Eat Bacon”

–”Make the letter ‘Y’ decide if it’s a vowel or a consonant!!!!”

And a good time was had by all.


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