Metropolitik: DC gossip gone wild

Jon Huntsman gets a hug from his wife Mary Kaye after announcing the suspension of his campaign.

Welcome to Metropolitik, a new Metro feature designed to bring you, our busy reader, the most up-to-date, off-the-wall election coverage that no money can buy. However, please take note: In our march toward truth and accuracy in reporting, we reserve the right to smear, besmirch, mock, uplift and ultimately destroy any public personality in the U.S. political sphere who has the misfortune of misspeaking, misstepping or any of several other pratfalls that begin with “mis.” For complaints, suggestions and offers of male sexual enhancement, please e-mail us at brayden.simms@metro.us.

And then there were five.

Former ambassador to China and Mitt Romney understudy Jon Huntsman has withdrawn his bid for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, teaching us that it takes more than a nice face and Chinese as a second language to impress the American right.

Fresh off the campaign trail where he regularly languished in the bottom 2 percent in national polls, Huntsman is now perfecting his role as dutiful understudy, borrowing a move from the Mitt flip-flop playbook and promptly reversing course on his Mormon brother. Having just a week ago denounced Romney as  “completely unelectable”, hunter Jon has now turned around and endorsed him, describing Romney as the candidate “best equipped to defeat Barack Obama.”

Curious. Does Huntsman mean “defeat” as in “on the field of battle?” How else to explain how he so positively describes the electoral prospects of someone he finds totally unequipped for victory?

No matter, it’s all water under the bridge now, as the Huntsman campaign has backtracked on months of negativity, rewriting attack rhetoric and removing the scathing anti-Romney Web videos it had put together. (“When there’s a question about whether you’re running for the White House or running for the Waffle House, then you’ve got a big problem with the American people,” Huntsman had said of Romney in late 2011.)

Romney is now probably hoping the Huntsman bump is somewhat more effective for him than it was for Huntsman.

Get Fed

Because sometimes you’ve only got time to skim the headlines:
   
“Snooki endorses Trump for president” huffingtonpost.com
   
“Santorum Accuses    Rival’s Group Of ‘Smear Campaign’” huffingtonpost.com
   
“Fox News: ‘You Can Pee on Me All You Want, Don’t Shoot Me’” politicususa.com
  
“Perry on Huntsman dropout: I’ll miss the Jon girls” POLITICO.com
   
“Jon Huntsman’s Campaign Killed By Terminal Dullness”  The Daily Beast
   
“Scott Brown And Elizabeth Warren To Talk Third-Party Ad Detente” tpm.com
   
“White House blasts Internet piracy bills” CNN.com

He said, we said

“If Mitt Romney really believes ‘corporations are people, my friend’, then Mitt Romney is
a serial killer.”
-Attack ad by Citizens for a better tomorrow tomorrow, the super pac formerly controlled by Stephen Colbert.

The satirist, who has used his popular TV?show to plumb the depths of campaign finance, handed his money-baby over to fellow host Jon Stewart in order to take his message to South Carolina after news he had outpolled Jon Huntsman.

Follow Brayden Simms on Twitter @metropolitik

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.


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