Metropolitik: DC gossip gone wild

Jon Huntsman gets a hug from his wife Mary Kaye after announcing the suspension of his campaign.

Welcome to Metropolitik, a new Metro feature designed to bring you, our busy reader, the most up-to-date, off-the-wall election coverage that no money can buy. However, please take note: In our march toward truth and accuracy in reporting, we reserve the right to smear, besmirch, mock, uplift and ultimately destroy any public personality in the U.S. political sphere who has the misfortune of misspeaking, misstepping or any of several other pratfalls that begin with “mis.” For complaints, suggestions and offers of male sexual enhancement, please e-mail us at brayden.simms@metro.us.

And then there were five.

Former ambassador to China and Mitt Romney understudy Jon Huntsman has withdrawn his bid for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, teaching us that it takes more than a nice face and Chinese as a second language to impress the American right.

Fresh off the campaign trail where he regularly languished in the bottom 2 percent in national polls, Huntsman is now perfecting his role as dutiful understudy, borrowing a move from the Mitt flip-flop playbook and promptly reversing course on his Mormon brother. Having just a week ago denounced Romney as  “completely unelectable”, hunter Jon has now turned around and endorsed him, describing Romney as the candidate “best equipped to defeat Barack Obama.”

Curious. Does Huntsman mean “defeat” as in “on the field of battle?” How else to explain how he so positively describes the electoral prospects of someone he finds totally unequipped for victory?

No matter, it’s all water under the bridge now, as the Huntsman campaign has backtracked on months of negativity, rewriting attack rhetoric and removing the scathing anti-Romney Web videos it had put together. (“When there’s a question about whether you’re running for the White House or running for the Waffle House, then you’ve got a big problem with the American people,” Huntsman had said of Romney in late 2011.)

Romney is now probably hoping the Huntsman bump is somewhat more effective for him than it was for Huntsman.

Get Fed

Because sometimes you’ve only got time to skim the headlines:
   
“Snooki endorses Trump for president” huffingtonpost.com
   
“Santorum Accuses    Rival’s Group Of ‘Smear Campaign’” huffingtonpost.com
   
“Fox News: ‘You Can Pee on Me All You Want, Don’t Shoot Me’” politicususa.com
  
“Perry on Huntsman dropout: I’ll miss the Jon girls” POLITICO.com
   
“Jon Huntsman’s Campaign Killed By Terminal Dullness”  The Daily Beast
   
“Scott Brown And Elizabeth Warren To Talk Third-Party Ad Detente” tpm.com
   
“White House blasts Internet piracy bills” CNN.com

He said, we said

“If Mitt Romney really believes ‘corporations are people, my friend’, then Mitt Romney is
a serial killer.”
-Attack ad by Citizens for a better tomorrow tomorrow, the super pac formerly controlled by Stephen Colbert.

The satirist, who has used his popular TV?show to plumb the depths of campaign finance, handed his money-baby over to fellow host Jon Stewart in order to take his message to South Carolina after news he had outpolled Jon Huntsman.

Follow Brayden Simms on Twitter @metropolitik

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Sprint and T-Mobile offer further price discounts

Sprint unveiled a plan on Thursday that gives subscribers access to unlimited data for $60 a month, the industry's cheapest unlimited data offering.

National

Hundreds pay it forward at Florida Starbucks in…

The spontaneous chain of kindness continued for about 11 hours, totaling 457 transactions by the time it ended.

National

Weather system east of Caribbean could turn into…

An area of low pressure located east of the Caribbean Sea has a 50 percent chance of becoming a tropical depression or storm in the next 48 hours, U.S. forecasters…

National

U.S. hospital to discharge doctor treated with experimental…

An American doctor who contracted Ebola treating victims of the deadly virus in Liberia has recovered and will be discharged on Thursday by the Atlanta hospital that treated him with…

Movies

Review: 'When the Game Stands Tall' is both…

The high school football saga "When the Game Stands Tall" fumbles around for a focus while Jim Caviezel offers the most low-key coach in history.

Movies

Girlfriend in a coma: Chloe Grace Moretz

Chloe Grace Moretz is the best cheerleader "If I Stay" could ask for. As the star of the film adaptation of the successful YA novel…

The Word

The Word: Summer lovin' for Zac Efron and…

Ah, the summer romance. So intense, so fleeting. With Labor Day fast approaching, it should come as little surprise that the incredibly surprising romance between…

The Word

The Word: The Zac Efron-Michelle Rodriguez summer fling…

  Ah, the summer romance. So intense, so fleeting. With Labor Day fast approaching, it should come as little surprise that the incredibly surprising romance…

NFL

Fantasy football draft guide: How to draft your…

Many are wondering if we’re entering a new age in fantasy football drafting — one where running backs take a backseat.

NFL

Jets vs. Giants: 3 Giants storylines to watch

The Giants have plenty to work on as they reach the dress rehearsal preseason game Friday night against the rival Jets.

NFL

Jets vs. Giants: 3 Jets storylines to watch

Metro looks at three Jets storylines to watch as they play the Giants Friday.

NFL

Giants expected to work Corey Washington into first-team…

The day of reckoning for the Giants' fringe players will fall upon them Friday night against the Jets.

Sex

Big weddings may lead to long-term happiness

Dreaming of a big wedding? A new study indicates that the longer your guest list, the happier you’ll be in the long run. l A…

Sex

Online dating for every generation

Frank Jackson and his mother Maggie are like lots of modern families: They have dinner together regularly, keep each other updated on their lives —…

Wellbeing

Going green could be the key to getting…

If we could just pursue the things that would actually make us happy, we could help the environment too, according to a New York researcher.…

Tech

Siren: A new dating app that puts women…

Online dating can be brutal, especially for single women. Noting that many women hate wading through inappropriate messages and photos, two tech entrepreneurs decided to…