Rabbi’s new book says lust is key to successful marriage

NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 04:  Debbie Boteach and Rabbi Shmuley Boteach attend the Champion Of Jewish Values International Awards Gala at The New York Marriott Marquis on June 4, 2013 in New York City.  (Photo by Taylor Hill/WireImage)
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach and his wife, Debbie Boteach . Credit: Taylor Hill/WireImage

“Love is not the answer.”

That’s the message that one New Jersey rabbi has for anyone seeking marriage advice.

Shmuley Boteach, an Orthodox rabbi, author and former congressional candidate, says lust is more important than love in a marriage. He outlines his beliefs in his latest book, “Kosher Lust,“ which was released last week.

The Englewood-based rabbi believes lust can save marriages, and he says even the Bible proves that lust is the key to a happy and long-lasting union.

“All the famous marriages of the Bible are lust relationships, not love relationships,” he told the New York Post. “Just look at our patriarchs. Jacob waits seven years for Rachel, and for him it feels like a few days. The first thing Rebecca does when she meets Isaac is veil her face.”

The lack of lust is a reason for many failed marriages, Boteach said.

“The reason why women leave bad marriages is because they don’t feel desired,” he explained. “Even in affairs, men don’t love the other woman — they lust after her. If you put love and lust together, love stands no chance.”

Although lust has long been perceived as dirty and sinful, Boteach believes: “Lust is the pinnacle of holiness.”

So what can married couples do to improve the lust in their relationship?

There should be an air of mystery between husband and wife, Boteach said.

He uses Sarah and Abraham from the Bible as an example. Sarah always kept a certain distance from Abraham, which made her mysterious and desirable to her husband.

Modern-day couples can achieve that same air of mystery by doing things like closing the bathroom door, Boteach said. Husbands and wives should also avoid walking around the house naked, especially if the other person is watching TV or focused on something else.

Boteach, who is married with nine kids, has written 30 books, including “Kosher Sex” and “The Kosher Sutra.”


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