Culture bracket: Chubby champ

Here's our field of 16.

We figured out why you love March so much. It’s not the basketball, it’s the brackets. We’ve come up with the ultimate sports and pop culture tournament. Sure, it’s a bit random, but it’s also a bit awesome. Here’s a breakdown of some key matchups:

Bully vs. badger

If you’re not familiar with the honey badger, check out the video. It is the baddest small animal on the planet. A cross between a weasel, skunk and rat, it appears indestructible. However, it just doesn’t top the viral video of Casey Heynes, a 16-year-old Australian kid who was tired of being picked on at school. The heavyweight hero body slams the fool bullying him.

Nantz vs. Johnson

Jim Nantz
has called the Final Four since 1996. He’s a very good announcer, though sports fans often fault him for being too canned, boring and schmaltzy. The opposite is true of Gus Johnson, whose last-minute calls are the stuff of legends. Buckets! Why can’t Gus call the Final Four?

Model citizen

Here’s Kate Upton’s tourney run:
3 vs. 14: Never thought we’d brush aside Brooklyn Decker.
3 vs. 6: Charlie Sheen wishes he could grab a goddess like Upton.
3 vs. 12: Fun fact: She was born in 1992 — less than three months after “The Shot” by Christian Laettner.

Final Four

8 vs. 12: Can you believe Laettner spent 13 years in the NBA? That’s shocking. But not as shocking as the bully video!
3 vs. 15: Just imagine Gus’ call while flipping through the SI Swimsuit edition. “Rise and fire!”
8 vs. 3: In an upset along the lines of  Daniel LaRusso taking down Johnny Lawrence, the chubby kid squeaks out a victory over the 2012 SI Swimsuit cover girl.

—Jason Raj McIntyre covers athletes off the field and runs the popular

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages. Opposing viewpoints are welcome. Send 400-word submissions to


Rapper affiliate of Wu-Tang Clan 'cuts off own…

Rapper Andre Johnson, who has performed with New York outfit the Wu-Tang Clan, is in a critical condition after reportedly cutting off his own penis…


Cleavage complaint: Disneyland staffer orders curvy mom to…

A curvy mom-of-three says she filed a formal complaint after staff at Disneyland Resort in California ordered her to cover up her boobs. Melissa Behnken,…


Canadian charged in 'Heartbleed' attack on tax agency

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canadian police have arrested a 19-year-old man and charged him in connection with exploiting the "Heartbleed" bug to steal taxpayer data from…


Every dog has his day in court, in…

(Reuters) - Call him juror K-9.A computer glitch is likely to blame for a summons that called a German Shepherd to report for jury duty,…


‘Survivor: Cagayan’ recap: Episode 8

Sure, it's called Survivor. But this season should really be called 'The Tony Show.'


Jim Rash talks 'The Writer's Room' and amazing…

For Jim Rash, as the fifth season of "Community" comes to a close, the second season of "The Writer's Room" begins.

Going Out

Tasty chicken and waffles in NYC

Try some soul food goodness around the city.


'Dexter' star Jennifer Carpenter moves into producing role

The actress who played the title character's sister in "Dexter" is teaming up with producer George Stelzner to adapt Erika Hayasaki's book "The Death Class:…


Knicks wrap up season with win over Raptors

The Knicks wrapped up their season as it began — undermanned — but that still didn’t deter them from ending it the right way.


Adam Warren closes out doubleheader sweep for Yankees

Adam Warren navigated a tricky ninth inning earn the Yankees a 2-0 victory over the Cubs.


Marc Staal healthy, eager to contribute to Rangers…

Marc Staal remembers the feeling of helplessness watching his teammates compete for hockey’s ultimate prize and being unable to contribute.


2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April version

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April version


This Week in Health: chocolate may prevent obesity…

Can chocolate prevent obesity and diabetes? Location of study: U.S. Study subjects: Mice Results: The positive health benefits of chocolate have been studied increasingly more…


This Week in Health News: breastfed infants trying…

Are breastfed infants trying to prevent mom from having another baby? Theory: The act of breastfeeding not only brings mom and baby closer together –…


Unexplained infertility may be caused by lack of…

Researchers have identified a protein on the egg's surface that interacts with another protein on the surface of sperm, allowing the two cells to join.


5 surprising facts about Google Glass

Your sex life could get more interesting.